Dear alien baby,
I don’t know what kind of food you eat on the planet you came from, but obviously we don’t have it here on earth. The sooner you can start to like the food I’m trying to feed you, the better we will all get along. And that doesn’t mean deciding you want pot roast at 2 in the morning. Nobody sells pot roast around here at 2 a.m.!! I will kindly oblige your pot roast request if you will do me the courtesy of submitting it to me prior to 7 pm EST.
I would also greatly appreciate it if you could quit being such a stubborn little butt-head anytime I try to feed you something other than a cracker. You should really open your mind to new food experiences. I loved fruits and vegetables, and chocolate, and chips and salsa before you came along. Just because you are cuisine challenged doesn’t mean I should have to suffer the same fate. A woman can only live off of crackers and water for so long….especially when she’s supposed to be growing another human being! I do believe if this continues, you are going to be born whiter than even me and sprinkled with salt.
Finally, quit being so fickle! You wanted McDonald’s…I gave you McDonald’s….you made me throw up McDonald’s. I don’t even LIKE McDonald’s you little shithead!! I ate it for YOU. Gah….quit being so ungrateful.