Actually, I know this isn’t an irrational fear because I KNOW it’s going to happen. Every pregnancy book tries to break it to you gently, your already been pregnant girlfriends try to warn you, but you never realize how much it’s going to really affect you until it starts to happen. I mean, they’re just boobs, right? And who really sees them outside of the latest super duper industrial strength pushup creation by Vickie? Me….that’s who. And my husband…but I don’t think he’s going to be nearly as traumatized by their new appearance after this is over as I will. He claims he’s a leg man, and I do have some nice stems. Let’s hope pregnancy doesn’t take those away from me.
I’ve always been quite proud of my boobs. I had a perky full C cup by the time I was 16. Undoubtedly, they helped me pay my way through college (okay…not doing THAT) as a sportsbar and cocktail waitress (can’t deny…the tips were good) . I have never once in my life wished for any sort of boob job. I have been blessed with these two beauties for over ten years, and to see them changing so rapidly, and only for the worse is…well, terrifying and sad as I’m quite attached to them.
Yes, the boobie fairy has already started to make them swell and grow, and underneath my clothes they are looking as fabulous as ever. Their additional size is good because it takes the focus off the college freshman beer-gut I’ve been sporting lately (can I just look pregnant already!). However, they are not pretty with the bra off. The blue veins make them look like a roadmap, my nipples are growing faster than my boobs and at this rate will take over the entire surface of each before I’m out of the first trimester. There are dozens of bumps where no bump used to exist… and I am so sad and disgusted to report that my most recent discovery in the disintegration of my prized possessions is hair. Yes folks, there are nasty black hairs sprouting up on my boobs!!!! Ugh… it pains me to even type that!
Okay…so I can pluck the hairs, ignore the veins and nipples, and they are manageable. If I knew they would go back to normal after pregnancy, none of this would even phase me. But the worst is still to come!! Did you know that after you are done breastfeeding they shrink…er..shrivel up to deflated airbags that won’t even fill your pre pregnancy cup size?? I can handle the smaller size. I may actually be able to finally look cute in some of the tops that Banana Republic sells. However, it’s the deflation that saddens me most. To know that they will never be their perky youthful selves again without the help of Dr. 90210 is truly tragic. I may have to have a memorial service for them soon so I can start the grieving process.
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15 comments
I totally feel your pain here. I was always a cute little 34B and I loved it. I liked wearing halter tops in the summer, tanks with no bra, and having no real worries about losing the bikini top in the ocean. But now I’ve gone up a band and a cup size, and I feel like that’s just the beginning. It is so bizarre to see the huge nipples that look like they are here to do some work (and I guess they are). DH likes this change, but I could do without it. I would’ve been perfectly content to breastfeed at a 34B!
I do have to agree with you that at least the rack provides a distraction from the “freshman 15” stomach. I imagine that all my coworkers are shaking their heads and wondering when I’m going to re-join Weight Watchers.
I used to have GREAT boobs – after 11 months of BF, not so much. This summer we were at the beach and my cousin was talking about getting a boob job and she said, “I want nice, big, firm ones…you know….like the ones Jamie used to have!”
Don’t worry yourself too soon! There is a chance that they will be perfectly fine once again. After 2 pregnancies and breastfeeding both of my kids, they are still perfectly fabulous! They did get bigger, and then smaller. (I kind of liked the smaller) and then returned back to normal in time. It does take time, but there is hope!
Oh, how this saddens me. 🙁 Yet another wonderful tidbit that I have to look forward to.
Mine already seem ginormous. To imagine them bigger – Yikes! – is one thing. But to imagine them deflated…. Noooooo!
Hey, I just wanted to say congrats on the alien and that your blog is HILARIOUS! I just stumbled across it tonight, but I can’t wait to read more.
I had a nightmare that my left boob grew to ginormous proportions. Like volleyball size, but just the left one. It was horrible.
Ok, as desperately as I’m praying every month for my bfp, now you’ve given legs to my single-biggest pregnancy fear! I feel the same about my 34C girls as you’ve described…. I have to admit a bit of pride when they are always threaded into the topic of conversation by my sister (who calls them “porn-star boobs”) and my girlfriends…. They’re the one thing I fear losing to motherhood! 🙁 Here’s praying for both of us to one day regain the pre-pg glory days of boobies… braless under halters / strapless dresses, etc. and all!
Congrats again on your alien baby! 😉
Well Kimberly, the way I see it…there is always plastic surgery ; )
Heh. I second that. We will do what we must! 😉
[…] boobs are, well, they are what they are. They are everything I was ever worried they would become. They have stretchmarks and are still too big to fit under any of my old […]
My girls have always been huge. I was a late bloomer and then they didn’t stop growing until I was well into adulthood. Then, by the time they finally stopped, I was pregnant with my first and they got even bigger. And they stayed bigger, permanently, after she was born. I had finally reconciled myself to that when I found out I was pregnant with my second – and they grew again. I went from a 34DD to a 36F by the end (what will happen if we have more babies?). And don’t worry, they’ll perk up within about a year. Mine did, at least – maybe that’s just God’s way of saying “Sorry I made ’em bigger, what can I do to help?”
[…] post is the old gals ain’t what they used to be, I’m sorry to report. And even though I saw this coming two years ago, I’m still saddened by it. I’m still mourning their […]
I just stopped breastfeeding after my first baby, and I’m totally saddened by what nursing did to them 🙁 I was barely a B cup before, so you wouldn’t think they’d look so deflated, but, they do (at least, I’m PRETTY SURE they do. I recently told my husband that I wished I’d taken photos of them before pregnancy, so I could remember what they looked like!) I’ve pretty much decided that when we’re done having kids, I’d like to have them fixed up 😉 In the meantime, my hubby is a butt man, so I think we’ll be okay 😉
[…] they’re about 3 inches closer to my belly button than they were in our glory days, but so are the bags under my eyes so I really can’t blame […]
If it’s wrong that I only clicked this link from the previous post to see another picture of your boobs than I don’t want to be right.
I feel robbed.