Tom knows??!!

No, not my husband (that’s not his name) and not my secret lover (that’s not his name either), Tom, MySpace Tom…he KNOWS I’m trying to get pregnant! He must. How else can I explain the recent appearance of all these pregnancy and baby related ads on my page? The ads for Red Bull, sexual enhancement products and hoochie mama clothes that were on there up until a week ago have been replaced with ads for diapers, both disposable and cloth, ovulation watches (yeah…that’s a concept that will leave many of you scratching your head) and mommy websites. I’ve come to two conclusions –

Conclusion 1. Tom tracks my visits to websites somehow (maybe with cookies? is that what they’re for?) and has seen the unusual number of baby related websites I’ve visited in the last month. Being the marketing savvy person Tom is, he tailors the ads on my page to match my internet browsing habits.

The problem with this conclusion is a) CREEPY that Tom has the power to do that b) makes me a little paranoid that my “friends” are going to start noticing these ads on my page and start suspecting I am TTC (or do THEY not see them?) and c) makes me wonder what the heck kind of person Tom thought I was when I was seeing the hoochie mama and sexual enhancement ads on my page.

Conclusion 2. I am suffering from a severe case of Pregnancy Vision, obviously brought on by the Baby Rabies. Symptoms of this can be noticing pregnant women EVERYWHERE you go, like they are following you in herds; cute, angelic babies around every corner; NOT seeing as many of the annoying, obnoxious babies that used to make you want to leave your romantic dinner date early to have your tubes tied; and, in general, feeling like you are being swallowed up in a world made for people who are procreating.

As much as I would like to believe my conspiracy theory about peeping Tom, I’m starting to lean toward conclusion two. Come to think of it, I’ve noticed the affects of Pregnancy Vision for a couple weeks now. I spent more time checking out the vast array of strollers at the National Zoo last weekend than I did checking out the animals. One of our conversations sounded like this…

Me: “Ooh, look hon, it’s a Quinny!”
My Husband: “What? Where? Is that a type of monkey?”

And, I swear, I can pick a pregnant lady out from a half mile away. Then I begin analyzing everything about her. What is she wearing? How is she carrying? Just a bump in front or is she building a solid foundation in her ass? When I see someone with a baby, that analyzing jumps into overdrive. I’m checking out the stroller, diaper bag, sling, how rested the parents look, did she have time to put on makeup today, is that puke I see crusted on her left shoulder, OMG did she seriously just wipe that kids snotty nose with her bare hand?

So you can see how I can attribute the seemingly sudden appearance of the ads to the PG Vision. For all I know, they were there all along and I was just ignoring them or not noticing them, much like I USED to not notice women wearing Hooter Hiders…

I just thought they were weird looking ponchos.

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50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
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