Prioritizing my worry list

I don’t think I understood how important it is to “pick your battles” until I became a mom. There are SO MANY small and large battles you could fight, an overwhelming, unending list of things you could worry about.  I learned the hard way in the beginning, but that’s sort of a new mom rite of passage, I think.

I began motherhood knowing that I wouldn’t ever be perfect at it, but dammit, I was going to freaking try! And so I fought all those unending battles – finding all the *best* gear, keeping clothes stain free, always having more than enough diapers in the diaper bag (and a backup stash in the car), doing everything in my power to make sure that my screaming baby never disturbed anyone other than myself while out in public (leading me to have no choice but to lock myself and my infant in our house for three months), keeping every spec of dust and debris out of reach of my precious child and his curious hands. Then, well, I was tired. I was SO TIRED. And so I started prioritizing… or maybe I just got lazy. Regardless, it made life easier. It lowered my stress level, and now I don’t feel so pressured to try so hard.

Kodak, the sponsor of this week’s lovely JuiceBoxJungle ad >>>, wants to know what three things are at the top and what three are at the bottom of my mom worry list, so here they are.

TOP

1. My kid’s safety – I’ve blogged about my Mommy Visions on here before, and how I can look at nearly anything that’s seemingly innocent and innocuous and vividly imagine how it might hurt or kill my child. I obsess about things like when to turn his car seat around, and what I’m going to do with him at the grocery store when he’s over 35 lbs because those grocery carts say it’s only safe to put them in the front up to 35 lbs.

2. What he eats- I’ve also recently started writing a lot about our efforts to eat more local, responsibly raised, sustainable. and organic food. However, from day one I’ve always been pretty consumed with what he’s consuming. I spent hours researching what fruits and vegetables I should introduce to him first and how to prepare them. I strive to offer a rainbow of whole foods at every meal. I truly think that my efforts are being rewarded by seeing how much my toddler loves nearly every fruit and vegetable he tries. I will say, though, that I don’t think of myself as a food Nazi. He’s had plenty of “bad” stuff from time to time, mainly because I don’t believe banning anything is going to do him any good.

3. His manners – It really stresses me out when he acts out in public. It truly does. Fortunately, I have to say it’s pretty rare. He seems to save most of his outbursts for when we’re home…. or stuck on a plane (which absolutely had me sweating bullets, but thankfully we don’t fly often). From 12 months to 18 months I was at a loss. He was a tiny little terrorist and I had no idea how to control him. He didn’t understand discipline, and I felt like everything I did to correct his behavior was only making it worse. I’m happy to report that the last few months have been much better. He at least understands the concept of timeout now. If I could just get him to stop laughing and running from me every time I tell him to do anything, I would be pretty happy with where we are in terms of his behavior.

BOTTOM

1. Falls – Okay, oddly enough, I don’t even flinch when the kid falls anymore. Crazy coming from a mom whose number one worry is her child’s safety, I know. I think I’ve just come to terms with the fact that my little boy is a rowdy ball of energy, and he must have a pretty thick noggin. Also, it’s possible he’s part rubber. He falls all. the. time. The majority of the falls actually make him laugh. He also walks into things, like walls and windows, because he’s never looking where he’s going. He’s normally running away from me, looking over one shoulder and cackling like a little evil warlock. Then SMACK. I feel bad because when we’re around other moms and he falls they audibly gasp, run to him, soothe him, and ask if he’s okay all before I’ve taken a step. “Oh, he’s fine,” I always holler at them from across the room. And he almost always is.

2. TV-  I know this is a heated topic, but it’s one I just don’t feel that passionately about. I’m not killing myself trying to make sure my child isn’t exposed to TV until college, or even the first few years, BUT THE STUDIES!! some of you are shouting at your computer screen. Listen, I didn’t plug my kid in front of Baby Einstein for hours on end as an infant hoping he’d know his colors and shapes by his 1st birthday, and it’s not like he’s sitting in front of a TV, zoning out all his waking hours. I’d be lying, though, if I said I don’t rely on a little help from PBS, Nick Jr. and Sprout to get me through my day. As much as I want him to go play with his “open ended” toys that inspire creativity and imagination, many times it’s just not happening, and I need to get the dishwasher loaded without him trying to inspire himself by running off with a steak knife. Also, sometimes he just really wants to watch “Go-go” (Diego), and I just really want to drink some coffee and check Facebook.

3. Messes- This one extends a little bit further beyond mom into the Stay At Home Mom category, for me. When we made the decision that I would stay at home, I remember telling my husband how our house would be SO clean because I would have “so much time” to do things like mop the floors and organize the pantry. Really, I *actually* thought that… until I had my outside baby. I was drowning in guilt the first 6 or 8 months of Kendall’s life, trying so hard to stay on top of everything, including all the household chores that I HATED while living off of next to no sleep. Then I had a lightbulb moment one day when I finally accepted that my “job” is a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home mom/housekeeper/organizer, and I was actually doing quite well at the MOM part. Our house is clean most of the time to a certain degree, but don’t go looking at my baseboards or my tile grout. There are splatters of dog slobber crusted to the wall here and there that will probably only disappear after we paint over them. There is food permanently stuck inside a ridge lining the perimeter of my kitchen table. I don’t care. I tell myself all the time, “A toddler lives here, 2 dogs and a cat live here, a maid does NOT live here.”

So what about you? What are your top and bottom 3? I’m sure everyone’s answers will vary, but it will be interesting to see which ones end up being the most popular.

Kendall is 21 months old, and right now I’m not worried he’s been napping for nearly 3 and a half hours

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Boy, oh boy! No more worries.

Whew! What a week! Sorry for the lack of posts lately…the holidays and all. Not that I don’t have plenty to write about. Let’s see…we’ll dedicate this post to the biggest news I have for you – IT’S A BOY! But there’s so much more to the story than just that.

I’ve touched on this before – that worry is something that consumes so much of you when you’re pregnant – okay, maybe using “you” is an over generalization…maybe it’s just me that worries this much. I will just say that before I got pregnant I always thought I’d be the most laid back pregnant woman. I mean, I’m type A and all and love to plan, but I generally try not to worry about things I have no control over in other areas of my life. So I NEVER thought I’d spend the whole first trimester fearing the sight of spotting every time I had to pee, or putting myself on bedrest “just in case” the first few times I did experience spotting. Yes, I know that that didn’t prevent anything, but at the time it was the only thing that I could control and made me feel like I was helping, being cautious, being a good mother. Just to expand a little more on this first trimester experience – I spotted from week 5 through week 8 nearly every day and then sporadically for a few more weeks after that. It was terrifying and stressful and really opened my eyes to how different pregnancy was making me. I was responsible for another life, and even though that life was still so incredibly new, that didn’t make it any less important than if I was trying to keep a grown child alive, at least in my mind.

I eventually stopped spotting and thought my worries were behind me. I was almost through the first trimester and “in the clear”. Our 12 week appointment was supposed to be a really exciting milestone for us – hearing the heartbeat for the first time. I admit that the nurse did warn me that not everyone can hear it that early and to not freak out if they couldn’t find it. Well….they couldn’t find it….and I sure as hell freaked the fuck out. It seemed like an eternity until she came back in the room with the ultrasound machine and located the heartbeat on the screen. Tears of relief streamed down my face. My husband said he didn’t understand what I was so worried about. I didn’t expect him to.

We finally heard the heartbeat on the doppler at 16 weeks and were thrilled to schedule the “BIG” ultrasound for 18 weeks 3 days. However, I was pretty surprised to find that over the course of the two weeks between appointments I wasn’t nearly as excited about the ultrasound as I thought I would be. This was going to be the big moment…boy or girl! How could I not be excited? The thing is, I didn’t care if it was a boy or girl…I just wanted everything to look good, healthy, in the right place. And so the worry began again…

I usually get apprehensive about appointments about 48 hours in advance. It doesn’t consume me or anything, just passing thoughts and concerns. The hour before the appointment is the worst, and sitting in the waiting room never seems to help. When we got called in to the ultrasound room I was on edge and put off by how short the tech was with me. I thought, “I don’t have the patience to deal with not nice people today.” I laid back on the paper covered half bed, slightly annoyed, but it all melted away when she put the wand on my belly and there it was – a very clear picture of a baby. My baby finally looked like a baby, with legs and arms and a sweet face! No more blob for us!

After thirty minutes of checking out his bones, brain and organs she finally asked if we wanted to know and then zoomed in on what was very clearly a little penis. It’s a boy! She left saying she needed to check that she got all the pictures our doctor needed and that she’d be right back. My husband and I took in the news and in a few minutes she returned with a doctor…my stomach dropped. This could not be good.

It turns out our baby boys bladder is on the cusp of being a little too full and may not be emptying properly. The doctor explained that she wanted to see us back in the third trimester to see if it would correct itself. If it doesn’t, he will need treatment after he’s born. Of course, in my panicked state I thought the worst. Is this a sign of something bigger? Is he deformed? Will he live? I was calmed minutes later when she explained that it’s common among boys and will not hurt him for the time being. That tech even redeemed herself by doing her best to set my mind at ease.

At lunch after the appointment I managed to snap myself out of it. Our baby is healthy. He is surviving and thriving and we are so lucky, and my constant worrying had nothing to do with that. We could have received news much worse than that. So I have decided to try really hard to not let worry get to me the rest of the pregnancy. Yes, I’ll still have my concerns, but instead I’m going to focus on the positive and let go of what I can’t control – like I do with nearly everything else in my life.

Now that I’m saving so much time not worrying I have lots of time to think about having a boy! OMG, a boy! I don’t think I have the slightest idea of what to do with a boy. One thing is for sure though, if he’s anything like my husband and all his brothers, I can kiss every nice thing I own goodbye. I am currently researching the cost of all rubber furniture.

18 weeks 5 days

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