Oh yeah, I’m going there.

You know, for as much as I like to tell readers that I’m honest about the good and the bad, there is one subject on this blog I just avoid as much as blogging about religion- SLEEP TRAINING.

It’s time to cut the crap and drop this veil of secrecy that forces me to direct message and privately respond to questions about letting my baby cry herself to sleep. F all of this.

My one year old? She cries. Sometimes for long stretches. Sometimes while I lay in my bed, wide awake, fully aware that she is pissed as all hell that I am not there to pick her up and play peek-a-boo at 3 in the morning.

And I’M OKAY WITH THAT.

You don’t have to be okay with that, but you shouldn’t really care about that because, you know, I’m not making you make your baby cry herself to sleep. Just mine.

Oh, some of you may be disgusted by this admission. There are studies, I’m sure, that you will link me to. You may think I’m a bad example of a mommy blogger for encouraging such a parenting technique.

I’ve never claimed to be the perfect example, but I’ve always prided myself on my transparency… and this is something I should just quit trying to dance around.

I’m not writing about this to say what I’m doing is “right,” but please don’t view this as a plea for help, and for the love of  GAWD no book recommendations. I’m barely getting enough sleep to operate a moving vehicle these days. Unless you’re going to volunteer to come over here and re-enact the book with puppets and flash cards in short, attention-grabbing bursts, I just don’t have the time or the energy. (And I read plenty of books when Kendall went through all of this 3 years ago.)

Letting her cry was not our first choice. It’s not like I enjoy it. We’ve tried “gentle” techniques, but everything “gentle” just pisses her off more. It’s come to the point where it feels like the most fair compromise is one that equals her being pissed for a shorter time period (which is totally what happens when she’s left to cry on her own versus us hanging out, patting her back, but refusing to feed her) and lets me get 4 or more consecutive hours of sleep.

I’m trying not to go into defensive mode here because I don’t feel like I need to defend this choice. I’ll just add that she’s a YEAR old, not a week old. She does NOT need to eat every 3 hours anymore. She does not have an ear infection or any other ailment. She just needs to figure out how to sleep… and no, we’re not co-sleeping. It’s not an option for us. No, we don’t just leave her in there to cry all night, but it’s more of a judgement call thing than a every-5-minutes thing.

What it’s really boiled down to is that my children need and DESERVE a functioning mother during the day. I can NOT function without sleep. In fact, I’m confident the lack of sleep the last year has been a huge contributing factor to my postpartum anxiety, and the days following a few measly hours of sleep are awful, even with medication and a gallon of coffee.

Honestly, I don’t think babies need to be soothed every time they cry. Sure, when they are younger than 6 months, or they’re sick or hungry, yes, they should be tended to quickly. But, sometimes they’re just annoyed or pissed, and that’s okay. They can feel that way. Those are emotions they can navigate on their own sometimes.

That’s MY philosophy, one that I’m comfortable with, knowing what I know, and having been through this parenting thing more than once now.

It doesn’t have to be your philosophy, but please don’t equate me letting my 26 lb one year old cry and throw tantrums in her bed at 3 in the morning because I won’t feed her magic-sleepy-milk for the 2nd time in 3 hours to child abuse.

And for those of you in a similar situation, the only advice I can give is to go with your gut. Sure, read books if you have the time, but mainly, read your baby’s cues and what feels right to you.

I truly feel that most parents are trying really hard not to screw up their kids, and I’m sure very few take the decision to let their baby cry in the middle of the night lightly. So can we please stop demonizing educated parents who feel like this is their only option?

Edited to add- 

People, people, PLEASE understand the difference between me letting my ONE YEAR OLD cry for UP TO 10-15 minutes at a time and letting a newborn scream for 8 hours, hyperventilate, choke on their vomit, kill their brain cells, etc. 

I thought I made it clear when I clarified twice that she’s A YEAR OLD, that I think any baby under 6 months should be tended to quickly, or any baby who is sick. I didn’t think I’d have to spell. that. all. out. But I guess I do because so many are assuming I’m advocating locking a baby of any age in a dark room to scream incessantly, regardless of circumstance.

So, let’s all be clear that that is not my stance. 

Just as I advocate and practice safe co-sleeping (though we don’t do it any longer), a parenting choice that many jump to conclusions about and demonize, referring to parents who do it as “uneducated” and “lazy,” I also practice “safe” and responsible sleep-training, which is obviously another polarizing parenting choice people are quick to jump to conclusions about. 

If you are the mother of a newborn considering leaving your baby in her cold, dark room for 8 hours to scream and cry while you’re drinking and watching a Lost marathon on Netflix, then I encourage you to do more research than just reading my blog post and taking what I have to say as medical and professional advice.  (That disclaimer was actually necessary because I’ve had several people tell me I just encouraged that behavior by posting this blog. I’ll also be sure to make a disclaimer that parents shouldn’t co-sleep with boa constrictors and meat cleavers in their bed the next time I talk about that… just so I’ve covered all my bases.)

It’s true. This baby? She is…. easy.

She sleeps! A lot. Her cries? Not bad.

No signs of colic. None.

::KNOCKING ON ALL PIECES OF WOOD::

Oh, I really, really hate to blog about this. I’ve waited over 5 weeks to reveal this to you all, because I’ve been TERRIFIED of jinxing it. But I feel like I owe this much to you, especially those of you who were so traumatized by all the stories I told about Kendall, and ESPECIALLY for those of you who went through something similar with your first and are searching for a tiny glimmer of hope when it comes to the 2nd.

Of course, I can’t make any promises that your second will be such an angel. As much as people like to soothe parents of colicky, high needs first babies by telling them the 2nd will be a breeze, I know it doesn’t always work out that way (and for those parents, I sob for you into my fat glass of wine).

It might have to do with the name. Leyna means “little angel,” you know. After dealing with a baby with colic, I pulled out all the stops, including a wishful name. I’m not really sure what Kendall means (something about a bright valley?), but it should be something like “he who will REALLY challenge you and drive you to drink more.” Clearly I didn’t research it enough before we settled on it.

So, how easy is she?

Well, she only cries when she actually needs something, and I can usually diagnose what that is and stop her not-too-terribly-loud-cries within minutes.

She’s really nice to my boobies. She had a small adjustment phase in the beginning with her latch, but, unlike her brother, she hasn’t sucked off any chunks of flesh from my nipples. Breastfeeding stopped hurting after about two weeks this time, not two months. And she’s efficient. She gets on and gets to business. None of these 45 minute, sip and sleep marathon nursing sessions. (However, my letdown this time is CRAZY intense. It feel like I’m sprouting samurai swords from my nipples every time. Is it supposed to be worse the second time around?)

The very best part? She SLEEPS. Folks, for the last week straight, if not more, she has slept at least one solid 4 to (get this) SIX hour stretch each night. Then she’s up to eat and for a diaper change and back down for another 3ish hours. I can usually manage 7-9 hours of sleep with only 2-3 interruptions. I couldn’t get Kendall to sleep this well until he was 7 or 8 months old!

In fact, she’s slept 4 hour stretches since she came home from the hospital, we just had to wait a couple weeks until she cycled these from day time to night time, but the only time I’ve ever been up every 2 hours with her at night were the first 3-4 nights until my milk came in.

I’m not saying she’s maintenance free. I mean, let’s be real, it’s not like I gave birth to a ficus tree. She’s still pretty needy and demanding. She only wants to nap snuggled close to one of us or while being physically bounced by one of us. She cat naps a lot during the day and eats a lot during the day (I’m guessing because she sleeps so great at night). She’s had rough nights, like after I had buffalo wings for dinner. Epic sad face for no more buffalo wings while breastfeeding.

But, I think this experience is much more in line with what a “typical” newborn experience is. It’s just that it comes off as really easy in comparison to the hellish colic nightmare that was surviving the first few months of Kendall’s life.

And speaking of colic nightmares, I feel that I have some residual PTSD from it the first time around. There have been a few times Leyna’s been fussy and I begin having flashbacks. I get sweaty and start freaking out.

“OH MY GOD. IT’S COLIC. IT’S STARTING. GET THE GRIPE WATER. GET THE VACUUM CLEANER. GET THE WINE!!” I run around screaming before I fall into the fetal position and begin rocking.

But then we figure it out (and swear off broccoli, which isn’t nearly as sad as no more buffalo wings), and she gets better and the next day is fantastic.

I don’t really know if I can give her all the credit here, though. Sure, she’s a “little angel,” but I am also a much more confident mom in a much less stressful place in life than I was 5 weeks in last time around. Some of you may remember when Kendall was not even a month old I flew to Texas with him by myself, drove all over the state of Texas, found a house, flew back to Virginia and then we packed everything and moved ourselves down here 3 weeks later. Oh, and we had temporary custody of our 4 year old niece. It was a clusterfuck of stress with a colicky newborn thrown in the mix.

Plus, this time I’m much better at relaxing and listening to my instincts. From the beginning, I haven’t stressed about schedules or “rules.” I don’t feed her every 2 hours. I feed her when she’s hungry, whether thats 15 minutes from the last feeding or 5 hours. (I eventually began feeding Kendall on demand, but it took me a couple months to really know what his hunger cues were… and it took a couple months for my nipples to not retreat back into my chest every time he came at me to latch on.)

I don’t log all her dirty and wet diapers, I don’t obsess about how many ounces she’s eating. She’s pooping and peeing and filling out her clothes, and that’s all I need to know.

And I let the girl sleep where she wants to sleep. 99.9% of the time that’s either in her bouncy chair (set inside the co-sleeper next to the bed) or in bed with us… on her side. I don’t stress about making her sleep on her back in the crib or the co-sleeper. That’s not to say I let her sleep curled up in a ball in a pile of laundry and stuffed animals, we practice safe co-sleeping, but I’m not trying to force her to sleep in a cold, vast crib or Pack & Play. For US, it’s been the best choice. I also mastered side-lying breastfeeding from day one this time around and it has saved me MUCH sanity and plenty of sleep.

Now that I’ve shared all this with you, I’m sure she’ll wake tomorrow as challenging as her brother ever was. Hell, she’ll probably start teething next week as a result of this little bit of bragging. I’m so screwed, I know.

Kendall is 2 years 9 months and Leyna is 5.5 weeks

What I haven’t really let my mind settle on,  though, is all those things that I did a really good job of erasing from my memory last time, like the flush and sweat that came over me when my baby woke from a nap in the farthest aisle at the back of Target, while I was grabbing something like Tucks hemorrhoid pads and a can of Dermaplast, and began screaming his head off, not to be soothed by any shushing or jiggling of the infant seat, and drawing all eyes on me as I waddled (as quickly as I could considering the still healing stitches and enormous pad between my legs) to the front of the store to purchase only 2 of the 15 things on my super important shopping list.

Or the meltdowns that came after 8 hours of what seemed to be non-stop crying/eating/crying again. Me laying on the bed next to him, begging, pleading, cursing at 3 in the morning to please, Oh MY God, please just sleep. Like that one time that I snapped and yelled at my 2 week old to “just SHUT UP!” and then left the room bawling my eyes out, thinking that I’ve already lost the battle of motherhood and that at this rate I’ll lose custody of him by the time he’s 1.

Or the cruel joke that is a soundly sleeping newborn and my inability to enjoy it because of my anxiety and need to check his breathing every 5 minutes. The way I’d jolt from my bed any time he made a strange gurgling exhale while sleeping to check to make sure that wasn’t his last breath. The way I’d jolt from my bed anytime he slept more than 2 hours between feedings, heart racing, yanking him out of bed and startling him from a deep sleep, only to curse myself for ruining a perfectly good long stretch of rest.

I like to tell myself I’ll be less neurotic this time around, less anxious, but I honestly don’t know if that will be the case. I still check on Kendall at least twice before I go to bed, and the mornings I don’t hear him stir on the monitor by 7:30, I have to stifle the urge to run to check on him, rarely able to drift back off and enjoy the extra sleep.

Thinking about it all just exhausts me again. How on earth am I going to have the energy to be this way with TWO kids? And sleep? Oh, I’m going to miss sleep. After all the hardships we endured through the days and the nights mixed up, the colic, the frequent night feedings, we are at a GLORIOUS place with sleep now. I almost hate to tell people that my 2 year old sleeps 10 hours a night and then another 3 during the day. I always follow it up by telling them how sleep challenged we were the first 9 months of his life in an effort to save myself from the knives they probably want to throw at me. I hate to think about hitting the restart button, or even worse, the challenge of getting 2 kids to nap at the same time. Moms of two, give it to me straight. I need to be prepared. How do you do it?

Kendall is 2 (and still in my custody) and I’m just about 17 weeks pregnant.

P.S. Today is the LAST DAY to vote for me for the Social Luxe Blog Luxe awards. I would really, really appreciate your vote if you think I’m deserving Baby Rabies is up for Funniest and Blog I’ve Learned the Most From.  Go here to vote, even if you already have. You can vote once a day. Thank you so much!!

We go back to my bed, snuggle under the covers, I flop a boob out and he happily cuddles up to me and eats.  ”Please, please, please, magical boobs, do your magic.  Make him sleepy,” I think.  I doze in and out to the soft noises of my little piglet snorting and sucking.  He seems to have a stuffy nose every morning these days, which turns to a runny snot nose by breakfast and a crusty booger nose by lunch.  It’s a giant PITA to keep clean, and snot on my boobs has become a fact of life these days.

As he finishes off on the other side he pops off and smiles at me.  ”No!” I think, “Okay, don’t move.  Keep your eyes closed.  Maybe if he thinks you’re sleeping, he’ll go to sleep.”  We both lay there, silently willing each other to go to sleep/wake up.  In my head I’m saying to him, “How can you NOT want to sleep right now?  It’s cold out and rainy and we are so toasty warm and snugly here.  We don’t have anything important to do today.  Sleeping in is so much fun!  I swear when you are 13 you will be begging to stay in bed.”  He’s probably thinking something like, “Ugh.  Come ON, mom.  Let’s get up!  I have things to do today.  I have to climb onto the fireplace and figure out how to open those glass doors.  I have to pull the internet cord out of the wall completely in the office.  I’ve been working on that project for days now.  Stop being so lazy!”

Of course, he always wins now that he’s mobile.  There is only so long I can lay there with my hand gripping his ankle, preventing him from launching himself off the side of the bed.  I used to distract him for a few minutes by letting him play with my phone, but he quickly managed to get it unlocked and called his father at work not too long ago.  I had no idea until, from my sleepy haze, I heard my husband’s distant voice coming from the inside of Kendall’s mouth.  So I get up with him, and that ember of hope stays lit, waiting for nap time.

Kendall is 10 months, 3 weeks and 3 days old

Now, I completely understand that he was sick last weekend and the beginning of this week, and I know he’s also cutting molars (STILL…probably will be FOREVER), but now add to that his sudden discovery of the temper tantrum and a healthy dose of separation anxiety, and it seems we are in the eye of the perfect storm of infant irritability.

It is beyond me how one little person can make so much noise and carry on for so long.  He’s impossible to please.  He wants up, I pick him up, he pushes me and wants down, I put him down, he pulls on my pants and tries to bite the back of my knees, I sit to hold him on my lap,  I have even begun DVRing Sesame Street to show him Elmo, he flings himself backward and screams, I put him down with some toys, he climbs back up on my lap and proceeds to hit me.  WTF, little man, WTF?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!  Now, NOW would be an excellent time to learn to talk, sign, draw, mime, some form of communication other than the incessant screams that I can’t decipher.

We’ve been to the pediatrician and the ER in the last week.  No signs of anything unusual going on.  The virus he had last weekend is gone, no ear infection.  I’m ashamed to admit, I was actually a tad disappointed the pediatrician didn’t see an ear infection.  Not because I wanted him to have one, but because at least that could explain what is going on.  Nope, he looks perfectly happy and healthy to her.  Of course he was a sweet angel full of smiles and giggles and puppies at the appointment.  It’s a shame, really, that she doesn’t do midnight house calls.

Every night this week has been increasingly hellish.  He is waking at least 4 times, and will scream non-stop for up to 2 hours.  Now, WAIT…just wait… all of you about to jump all over my case for letting my son scream for 2 hours at night.  No. That is not what’s going on here.  I’m not just lying in my bed with the monitor off, sleeping all peaceful with my dreams of Justin Timberlake and clearance sales at Express.  Much of that time that he’s screaming we are in his room with him.  Yes, that’s right!  We are holding him, rocking him, rubbing his head, he is still screaming.  Please understand that when I say he’s screaming, it’s not an exaggeration, but it’s not like an “I’m in pain” scream.  It’s an “I’m so freaking pissed that you are making me go to sleep AGAIN” scream.  This is not the kind of cry or fuss that I used to be able to listen to for the 5-10 minutes it would take for him to fall asleep with the Ferber method.

I am such a Ferber Failure.  I’ve gone back to nursing him 2 times a night just so we can all get some sleep.  Even though, most of the time that still doesn’t do much to soothe him.  Co-sleeping is not an option for us.  NONE of us sleep well co-sleeping, especially Kendall, who tends to sleep crawl and headbutt me.  Plus, if he screams while we hold him and rock him, I doubt he will want to snuggle or cuddle.  We give him infant Motrin for teething pain, and teething tablets.  I have no reason to think he’s got any sort of tummy pain or gas.  I’m at a loss.  Each night I think it’s going to get better, and it only gets worse. What am I doing wrong?  Is it getting worse because we aren’t doing Ferber anymore?  Is it Daylight Savings Time?  Is he testing us?  Is this separation anxiety?  Is Freddy Krueger haunting his dreams?

Please.  Insight.  Help.

Kendall is 10 months, 1 week and 4 days old

It starts when you’re pregnant.   “Should I not drink this coffee?” you think to yourself.  You read the scary reports, get the snide side-eye looks when you stand in line for your daily jolt, you cut back.  Then you have the baby.  “Ahhh!! The fetus will no longer be affected by the sea of bold roast it could be swimming in.  I’m free!!” you think to yourself.  Then the pediatrician hands you a list of things you absolutely shouldn’t be eating or drinking while breastfeeding and caffeine is at the top.  “WTF?!” you scream in your head.  “How the HELL am I supposed to get through life with a sleepless newborn without caffeine?!  Why didn’t anyone alert me to this while I was pregnant?”  You are mad, you try to live without coffee.  Despite your valiant attempts  to find other means of keeping yourself awake, you realize you are a raving bitch AND your baby STILL has colic.  “Well, forget that,” you think.  “If you are still going to spend over half of your waking day screaming, I’m going to at least listen to it while enjoying a frothy latte.”

Once the baby is here, coffee is no longer the relaxing thing to go “do”.  A trip to the coffee shop means hauling in a diaper bag, infant seat, hooter hider or bottle, and don’t forget the actual baby.  You are now *that person*  the one that everyone curses the minute they walk through the door.  Because, honestly, did you ever want to listen to a crying baby when you were relaxing and enjoying a coffee between business meetings?  You go only when the baby is sleeping.  Timing is everything.  That is until the day the baby wakes with poop oozing out all sides of his diaper.  You run to the fancy private bathrooms, only to realize that the place you pay hundreds of dollars a year to provide you a hot cup of brew can’t shell out the $250 it would take to put a changing table in their extra large, well decorated restrooms. Asshats.  Clearly your loyalty to them over the years means nothing once you become a parent, because parents don’t “do” coffee.

Yes, parents don’t “do” coffee, parents NEED THEIR FUCKING COFFEE.  You resort to the drive through, though there are many times you can’t get your order out over the noise of the screaming baby in the back seat.  You grow impatient  “Does the FLIPPING barista NOT realize that the noise they are hearing over the loudspeaker is CLEARLY my child having a meltdown and NO I would NOT like to sample the farking OATMEAL today,” you say under your breath, half hoping they heard you.  Due to a combination of factors, including lack of time, lack of disposable income, lack of patience, and a small personal protest against the place that betrays you with no changing tables, you start making coffee at home.

Coffee at home is even more complicated.  Grinding beans and pouring water requires more focus than one would imagine.  Some days you need coffee just to make the coffee.  Some days you need coffee to remember that you made coffee.  Your husband sets up the autobrew for you, but you nearly piss yourself when you wake one morning to what sounds like the next Texas Chainsaw Massacre in your kitchen.  That effing bean grinder is loud, and so help me God, if that wakes the baby….

Then there is the eternal internal debate.  “Do I drink the coffee now, at this early morning hour?  If I do, surely that will ruin any chances I have of catching a nap when the baby goes to sleep in a couple hours.”
After much waffling, you pry your bleary eyes open for two hours of baby food and Jumperoo and Peek-a-boo until the kiddo is worn out.  He finally goes down for a nap.  You turn on the monitor, head back to bed, snuggle up under the warm covers, begin to drift off to sleep… and the SON OF A BITCH!  The baby is awake after only 20 minutes.  It’s going to be one of those days, and you haven’t even had any coffee  yet.

Kendall is 8 months 1 week and 4 days old

I know all you sleep deprived mothers are dying to know all the details, so here you go:

Friday night – Night 1
Kendall went down at his normal bedtime, 7:30, after his usual routine of bath, lotion, jammies, rock and nurse. (Yes, I’m still nursing  him to sleep or drowsy.  I will elaborate more on this later)

He woke for the first time at 11:30.  I had Scott go in and check on him right away.  He then left and we let Kendall cry for about 5 minutes.  His cries actually had started to taper off around 3 minutes, but then they picked backup so I had Scott go back in just to pat his back and reassure him.  The whole time I lay there in bed listening on the monitor, and this second visit pissed Kendall off royally.  It really escalated his cries and then I felt bad for even having Scott go in there a second time.  Scott said he was laying there, throwing his arms up in the air, demanding to be picked up.  I thought for sure we were in for a battle.  I was preparing myself for the heartbreak.  Then, to my surprise and utter delight, a few minutes after Scott left the room for the second time Kendall quickly calmed down and went right to sleep.  No drama, no vomitting, no choking on his own spit.  It was amazing.

He woke again briefly at 12:30, but only half assed the cries this time around and I knew he was too tired to fight it.  Sure enough, he put himself back to sleep in just a few minutes and we never had to check on him.

At 1:30 I decided to go ahead and feed him when he woke up, then he slept until 5:30 when I fed him again.

Night one was a relative success with us getting down to only 2 night feedings, which was a wonderful change for the 4 nightfeedings we had been dealing with for the last month.

Saturday night – Night 2
Kendall went down a little later than usual.  It was closer to 8:30, I think.  Again, we followed the routine of bath, lotion, jammies, rock and nurse.

After a few hours of quiet and no wakings, I decided to go ahead and top him off at 12 before going to bed with what they call a “dreamfeed”.  My theory was I was pretty sure he was going to wake up in an hour or so anyway and I’d rather deal with this now than wake up from a comfy sleep in an hour.  It was a good thing I did, because as I rocked him I kept thinking to myself, “Gah… your room smells FOUL!  WTF?  Is there a dirty diaper hiding somewhere in here?  Geez… I just cleaned your room really well.  Hmmm… wait a sec… that smell seems to be coming from…. ahhh, shit.  You have a dirty diaper.”  Yeah, I came to this realization right at the end of his feeding.  So I had to change his diaper and wake him up.  I thought we were doomed, but was totally surprised and relieved again when I laid him down awake in his crib and he put himself back to sleep in a matter of minutes.

He woke again at 5:15 and I had Scott go in to check on him.  He only had to check on him once this time and then Kendall was back to sleep within a couple minutes of Scott leaving his room.  Total awake time being less than 10 minutes, and the crying was really tame too.  More of a whine and fake cry than anything.

Next thing I know it’s 8:15 and am I being woken by the noise of a crying baby? No!  Instead, Scott is waking me and tells me that Kendall is playing with my sister (who came in for a visit) in the other room.  Was he starving?  No!  He was happy and playing.  Of course, I did insist that he nurse right away before my breasts exploded, and he did get down to business and seriously put away some boobie, but that was fine by me!

Sunday night – Night 3
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it… so I stuck with the same bedtime routine (although we were back at 7:30 instead of 8:30) and dreamfed him at 11:30.

He woke again at 5:30 as Scott was getting ready for work.  I think it was the noise that bothered him since his room backs up to our bathroom.  I vaguely remember Scott going in to check on him once, and I’m pretty sure he conked out shortly after that.  I’m happy to report that the details are all fuzzy because I was in and out of sleep.  Scott knew the drill and took care of everything.

At 8:15 I got up, refreshed, rejuvenated, ready to take over the world!  I found Kendall happily playing with his feet in his crib.  I promptly attached him to the boob that felt the closest to popping and then dreamed of all the many things I can get done today.

Now, maybe I’m totally jinxing myself (wouldn’t be the first time), but this whole process was far easier than I expected.  I would say that Kendall actually got more sleep and cried less than when I was allowing him to wake up and eat at will throughout the night.  We have all been happier, better rested, he’s resisting naps less, and I’m pretty sure that if I end up paying for his therapy in the future, this will not be the reason.

We are still nursing to sleep at night because it works for us and I like it (I KNOW!  I like it… I really am now one of those moms who will be sad when her baby stops breastfeeding).  I know we will eventually have to phase that out, but I’m waiting until we have all the nighttime feedings eliminated first and that will be the last thing we work on.

I guess we will stick with the 11:30 dreamfeed for now, at least untiil after the new year.  Then I will try to drop that, as well.  But, as it stands now, I am one happy momma.  He may not be the poster child for Ferberizing yet.  He is still nursing to sleep and eating at least once a night, but if I’m getting my 8 hours of sleep, I’m a happy camper.

I really hope that gave some of you a  little bit of hope!  Maybe for Christmas YOU’LL get a silent night, too

Kendall is almost 7 and a half months old.

When I brought him home from the hospital and he woke every two hours it indeed sucked.  However, I was somewhat mentally prepared for all of that and got myself through it by chasing that magical carrot that is sleeping through the night at some point shortly after the newborn stage.  Milestones  have come and gone.  He has mastered the dead man’s crawl so well that he has come dangerously close to making it into the dog’s water before I have had a chance to poke my head in and out of the refrigerator.  He is recognizing some of the baby sign language signs already.   He has 6 teeth!!  He still does not sleep through the night.

As I have recently elaborated on, he not only doesn’t sleep through the night, but is now waking all the time.  All. the. time, people.  Just when I fall asleep there he is on the monitor!  Yes, yes… I wait to see if it will become crying or if he will just fall back to sleep.  Although I don’t know what good that is doing anyone.  I’m still not sleeping if I am laying there listening to him.  90% of the time it escalates and he is not going back to sleep.  So off I go with the magical boobs in tow, or Scott will wake and bring him to the magical boobs.  Then we all settle in for our next 2 to three hours of sleep.  In addition to this madness, he is now fighting naps so hard that I’m beginning to worry if Freddy Kruegar is waiting for him in his dreams.

Today we had planned to get the house baby proofed, clean up a little, hang some curtains, and decorate for Christmas.  Not lofty plans by any means.  Did we accomplish these things?  No.  Instead, I spent the day fighting to get Kendall to take a nap.  The WHOLE day was one giant mess because he refused to sleep.

Okay… I guess you get the point now.  He won’t sleep.  Sorry for the tirade.  Anyway, I’m dead set on getting my nights back.  We must ALL get our nights back, including Kendall.  It can not be healthy for him to spend his days so tired, yet so dead set against sleep.  So…. I sit here typing with Dr. Richard Ferber’s book to my left.  It is patiently waiting for me to pick it up and read it (yet, I am faced with another dilemma which is who on earth has time and energy to read a book about how to get your baby to sleep when the baby is currently NOT sleeping and you’re exhausted to the point of delirium?).

That’s right folks.  I will be letting my child cry it out.  I will be Ferberizing.  You may think what you want, as I’m sure there are plenty of you cringing as you read this, plenty of you already feeling sorry for my child.  Allow me to clarify that I do this out of love for him, and yes, admittedly out of the need for a somewhat normal sleep routine around here.  I have been fighting a cough/head cold/sinus infection for going on three weeks now.  I am not a good mother to my son when I can not function.  I can not function on no sleep.

So there.  I’m doing it.  And I’m sure you all know that I will keep you informed on how it goes down.  In the meantime, I leave you with this hilarious email forward that was posted on thebump.com not too long ago.  I found it funny at the time.  I find it scary accurate now.  I do not know who the orginal author was… surely some wise baby who is the Hitler of the baby sleep strike movent.  Enjoy.

Sleeping through the night: A baby’s point of view

OK, here’s my situation. My Mommy has had me for
almost 7 months. The first few months were great—I

cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or
night. Then something happened.

Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN
(sleep thru the night).

At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is
only getting worse. I’ve talked to other babies, and
it seems like it’s pretty common after Mommies have
had us for around 6 months.

Here’s the thing: these Mommies don’t really need to
sleep. It’s just a habit. Many of them have had some
30 years to sleep–they just don’t need it anymore.
So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby
Shuffle.

It goes like this:

Night 1–cry every 3 hours until you get fed.

Iknow, it’s hard. It’s hard to see your Mommy upset
over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it’s
for her own good.

Night 2–cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3–every hour.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly
after about 3 nights.
Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the
change longer. These Mommies may stand in your
doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don’t give in. I
cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!!

If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just
once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW IT’S
HARD! But she really does not need the sleep, she is
just resisting the change.

If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop
crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for
her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then
cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once
stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she
can do it. Last night, I cried every hour. You just
have to decide to stick to it and just go for it.

BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come
up with.
My sleep sack tickled my foot.
I felt a wrinkle under the sheet.
My mobile made a shadow on the wall.
I burped, and it tasted like pears (I hadn’t eaten
pears since lunch – what’s up with that?)
The dog said ‘woof’ (I should know. My Mommy reminds
me of this about 20 times a day. LOL.)
Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded
when it echoed on the monitor in the other room.
Too hot, too cold, just right–doesn’t matter! Keep
crying!!
It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am.
Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am.
You need to slowly shorten the interval between
feedings in order to reset your Mommies’ internal
clocks.

P.S. Don’t let those rubber things fool you, no
matter how long you suck on them, NO milk will come
out! Trust me.

Kendall is 7 months and 5 days old

I put him down at 7:30, fed him once at midnight, per our usual routine, then headed off to bed with three Advil and a big cup of water because I was feeling like ass.  I guess it’s a head cold or something.  I was exhausted and already dreading the inevitable trudge across the house in a few hours for the second nighttime feeding, and fearing any additional feedings that seem to be coming with this whole new world of solids introductions (because saying a baby will sleep through the night once they start solids is such a fucking lie, people!…. more on that in another post).  I made sure to turn the monitor up louder than usual because I knew how hard it was going to be to get out of bed.  Plus, Scott was out of town for the night and he’s usually the first to wake up when Kendall starts crying.  In fact, my lovely husband who I love oh so dearly is the one to go get Kendall 90% of the time and bring him to me to nurse him in bed in the middle of the night.  Then, only partly because he loves me so much and mainly because he’s afraid I am going to drop the baby in my sleep-walk haze, he is the one to take him back.  It’s things like that that really make up for the fact that he has no ability to control the volume of his voice while I am trying to get Kendall down for a nap.

Now, I’m really hoping that the reason why I didn’t wake up to feed him last night is because he really did sleep through the night, not because I was so incredibly exhausted that I slept right through his cries and my husband wasn’t there to rescue the baby. Ugh… the mommy guilt, it’s trying to take away my joy.  It’s trying to ruin this wonderful night of sleep for me!

Well, when I awoke this morning to, not the sound of a squawking/screaming baby, but to the sound of the school buses behind our house, I laid in bed for a minute or two wondering, “Why do I feel so…. so … rested?  So… refreshed?  Why do I not hear Kendall?  How many times did he wake last night?  Oh….my… God….  HE’S DEAD!!  HE MUST BE!!!”  I then leap out of bed, dart toward his room, fling his door open, and am greeted by my smiling baby, happily playing with his lovey.  If my boobs weren’t about to explode, I would have tried the duck and roll before he saw me so that I could get some more sleep.  I picked him up to bring him back to bed with me and reflected on a bit of advice my brother in law told me this summer.  It went something like this:

“There will be a morning when  you will wake up and not hear the baby crying, and you will  be tempted to run to their room to check on them because  you think they are dead.  The way I see it is just enjoy the extra sleep.  Chances are they are fine, and if they are dead, what are you going to do?”

Morbid.  I know.  It makes me chuckle every time.  I should have listened to his advice.

So we all know that since I’ve blogged about this wondrous event Kendall will wake 4 or 5 times tonight, just to prove it was a fluke.  Annnnnd… right on cue, like a scene from a movie, I hear him crying right now – 1 hour earlier than his usual first nighttime feeding, and this is actually the second feeding of the night already because he woke at 9:30.  Yeah…  it’s going to be a long night.  Damn.  I knew I shouldn’t have blogged about this.  I’m off.

Kendall is 6 and a half months old

So this morning I am SO close to getting Kendall to go down for his nap.  SO FREAKING CLOSE.  Scott comes into the room with a paint can in hand (yes, we are STILL painting.  It will. never. end.), and instead of making the observation that I am rocking his son to sleep and perhaps he should *quietly* make his exit, he says, “Oh… hey… what wall does this go on?”  I shoot him the look, but he doesn’t move.  I then carefully motion with my hand that is free to leave the room.  Kendall is starting to pry one eye open.  Scott sees this, “What?  He’s already awake.  Just tell me what wall to put this on?”  SERIOUSLY?!  Do you not realize that he is “already awake” because you won’t shut the hell up?!  GET OUT!  But no… he won’t leave.  As I sit there silently, trying to telepathically move him into the other room with the death rays beaming from my eyes, he continues to ask questions.  It is too late now.  Kendall is WIDE awake.  All efforts on my part up to this point are futile.  I tell Scott what farking wall to paint that color, which, let me just point out, I have told him at least 10 times before this.  Then it’s back to the rocking… rocking… rocking….

Men.

Kendall is 6 and a half months old