Not that I really needed a pregnancy test to tell me that.  I honestly can not fathom having another baby right now, and it’s beyond me how all these couples we know with babies a year old or younger are already talking about how they itching for another!  Although, I must admit that I’m at least past the phase where I was convinced Kendall would be an only child.  His cuteness is starting to do it’s magic on me and I’m afraid I even have a touch of the mom-nesia.  I can’t, for the life of me, recall the horrible stinging feeling that I know I felt as he tore me up upon exit.  I can recall the pain of breaking my arm when I was 13, but I just can’t remember just how bad squirting out a nearly 9 lb baby was.  Before I know it, he’s going to have me thinking that all babies are born all sweet and cooing and wanting to snuggle with their mommies for naps.  I bet it’s only a matter of time before he zapps the memories of bawling my eyes out while he sucked the life out of my battered and abused nipples or his marathon screaming fits of colic right out of this head of mine.

So… yeah…. it’s been over a year since I’ve had a period.  And while I’m loving the absence of such an annoyance, I’m doubly afraid of it’s return.  I’m afraid when it does come back it’s going to be something a little like this YouTube video of one of the funniest SNL skits I’ve seen in a long time.

16 weeks 5 days

Well, flash forward to a few days before the ideal window for peeing on a stick – I began doing just what I promised myself I wouldn’t. I was over-analyzing every little twinge and pain, and broke down and took a test every day for 6 days until I finally started my period again. I wasn’t terribly upset. I mean, it WAS our first month, and I had spent so much time convincing myself that it wasn’t going to happen. However, my Type A, slightly…well,very competitive and goal driven personality started to get a little irked. We definitely had the timing right….for about 14 days in a row. So just what exactly went wrong? I felt like Aunt Flo had challenged me to a duel…and I was going to KICK HER ASS the next time around!

I knew I couldn’t do it by just having fun though. No, I needed a strategy. I needed to be smarter than AF. After listening to the advice of many pregnant and pregnant to be Nesties (www.thenest.com), I charged into the Women’s Health section of Barnes & Noble and picked up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I immediately went home and read up on all sorts of things I never even had a desire to know about my body. I can tell you that the word “mucus” now has a whole new meaning beyond a runny nose and chest congestion. My next stop in my assault on AF was the pharmacy where I bought a special Basal Body Temperature thermometer. I was prepared for battle, and began charting the next morning. There are several other…um…techniques that I’ve embraced in this war, but I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say, I’ve resorted to drastic measures, and it’s only the second cycle. I’ve become the fertility sniper! That AF bitch is never going to know what hit her.

So here I am…in my second official Two Week Wait, which, for those of you not up on the trying to conceive lingo, is the two weeks in between ovulation and your next expected period or the first day you can test. Of course, I’m trying to convince myself that I won’t go down the slippery slope of peeing on too many sticks too early like last month, but I can’t make any promises. As much as I am Type A and competitive, I am even more impatient!

Hopefully I can keep myself busy the next couple weeks by ogling all the ridiculously expensive baby strollers and diaper bags that are all the rage right now. If I get started now, I may be able to come up with enough reasons to justify purchasing the funky, futuristic Quinny Buzz…my new obsession.