“You only had kids so we could DO YOUR DISHES!”

I’m pretty sure I shouted that at my parents at least a few times throughout my childhood. I’m positive I muttered it under my breath every time I bellied up to the sink of food covered dishes after dinner, alongside my little sister.

“When I have kids, I’m not going to always make them do MY disgusting dishes and laundry. This is SO unfair,” I’d whisper to her, and she’d nod in agreement… if she wasn’t whining and fighting with me over who got to load the dirty dishes and who had to rinse them off.

Yes, many moments growing up, I truly thought my parents had it made. Have a few kids and you’ve got a few little housekeepers who can’t tell you they don’t want to put away those 3 loads of clothes because they REALLY want to see a movie Friday night, and you have the power to squash that dream.

What a racket!

Well, I’m here to say that was pretty much the most ridiculous and wrong assumption ever – that my parents HAD KIDS so they could have a clean house.

I know, wrong about life at the age of 8, it’s shocking.

On Saturday, in some sort of divine holiday miracle, both Leyna AND Kendall napped for 3 hours, THE SAME 3 hours. That hasn’t happened in…. ever??

For 3 whole hours, it was like we didn’t have kids other than the obvious clues, like the toy tripping hazards and the cranberry sauce encrusted high chair. But for 3 whole hours, not a single “MaMaMa!” or “MOOOoooommmm!” was heard, not a single “Don’t put that in your mouth!” or “Why are you naked?” was muttered.

For 3 whole hours, we cleaned. 

We cleaned everything. We swept AND mopped (a shame how rarely those coincide), we washed windows, we wiped appliances. We even touched up paint in every living area and hall. After, the house sparkled.

I sat down on the couch for 12 minutes and took it in. I only smelled the cinnamon candle behind me, only heard the sound of my fingers typing, only saw the dust free entertainment center, the clutter free floor, and the slobber free couch. Ahhhhh! It was just what I needed.

And then they woke.

Within 15 minutes, we were back to a dirty high chair, Cheerios on the floor, and baseballs in every corner of the house.

So when these children are old enough to dishes and laundry, YOU BET YOUR ASS THEY WILL DO THEM.

They owe me that much.

Folks, if you want a clean house, hell, even just a house free of sticky globs under your dining room table and the scent of urine, do not have kids. Not even if they’ll grow up to do your dishes.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have 5 yards of ribbon strewn about the living room that needs rolled up and another load of peed on sheets from Kendall’s room to wash. It never ends.

Kendall is 3.5 years old and Leyna is 11 months old. So they should be doing the dishes for me any day now, right?