So I took Kendall to the pediatrician yesterday because he had a bit of an icky diaper rash. I’d seen it look like this before and just wanted to stop it before it escalated. The first thing the doctor did was check his ears because, well, that’s standard procedure. “Hmmm…uh oh,” she says after looking in one. “Ooooh… not good,” she says after the second. “Looks like he’s got a double ear infection,” she says.

“SHUT. UP.” I instinctively reply because apparently I’m not used to communicating with professionals in real life and talk to people like I would on Twitter.  Good thing is she’s young, she’s hip, she gets me.

I seriously had no freaking idea he had an ear infection. She asks if he’s had a runny nose lately, and yeah, he has, but it’s been cold and wet outside. I didn’t think anything of it. He was a little cranky the day before, but I chalked that up to him not taking a long nap at Mother’s Day Out. Ugh. Observation fail.

“Alright, let’s take a look at that diaper rash,” she says. I undo his diaper and, OF COURSE, he just loaded it minutes before. I step over to the diaper bag to grab some wipes while she holds him on the table, diaper wide open.

Okay, I’m still reeling from not knowing my kid had a double ear infection when I swear to God I hear her say, “We have a worm.”

“WHAT?!” I yell, running across the room. “WHAT?!” I say again while looking over the poop in his diaper.

She looks up at me, eyes as wide as saucers, a look of fear washes over her face. She says nothing.

“Did you say he has WORMS?!” I ask.

::blink, blink::

“No…I said he’s a wiggle worm,” she says very slowly and quietly.

I took a deep breath, apologized profusely, and then thanked the dear LAWD I was not officially the World’s Worst Mother for taking my kid to the pediatrician for a diaper rash only to find out he has a double ear infection AND WORMS.

Then she and I had a good, hearty belly laugh over her reaction to my reaction.

“I was thinking, ‘Oh no! Does she not like him to be called that? Is that not politically correct?” she says.

While I may not have won World’s *Worst* Mother that day, I think I might have won World’s Most Psychotic.

Kendall is 21 months old and 2 days, and is worm free.