I’ve mentioned here before, and I’ve certainly stated to my friends and family (back before I found out we were having a girl) that I wouldn’t be shocked at all to end up with all boys. My husband comes from a huge family that seems to be overrun by testosterone. I knew what I was getting into, and while I was at a loss at how to be a “boy mom” at first, I quickly came to love it.
Going into this pregnancy, I prepared myself to find out I was expecting another boy. I was quite happy with the idea, to be honest. I mentally embraced being a boy mom long before that big ultrasound. I envisioned my life, a sea of trucks and Osh Kosh overalls, loud noises and rough and tumble. (That’s not to say girls don’t do or play or wear these things- please allow me to overgeneralize.) I was a-okay with my life surrounded by little men. In fact, the thought was lovely.
But, OF COURSE, I was *thrilled* to hear we’re having a little girl. Shocked, yes, but over the moon happy. I think the best part has been seeing how excited Scott is (though he won’t outright admit it, I see that gleam in his eyes). I think it’s exciting to us both that he might (hopefully) get to experience that same special bond with his little girl that Kendall and I seem to have. And I can’t lie that the excitement, for me, seems to grow every day. I love to daydream about the fun tea-parties, painting tiny toenails, slumber parties and secrets shared. I’ve already purchased more for her than I know I should, but I just can’t stop. The clothes, the shoes, the tiny little bows! Oh, it’s too much to hold myself back from.
But as I make my way through this pregnancy (just about 18 weeks out from my due date- can you believe it?), I find there is a tiny bit of… sadness?? I don’t even know if that’s an accurate way to describe it. Just this feeling that comes from seeing this life, this life as a “boy mom,” fade to gray. It’s not that I’m not in love with the alternative, it’s just knowing that that life that I envisioned and embraced so passionately beforehand will never be, and it’s a little sad (we’ll just say that since I can’t think of a better word) to say goodbye.
Does that make sense? Has anyone else felt this way? I have to say, it’s an emotional experience I wasn’t expecting to go through.
Kendall is 2 & 1/4 and I’m 21ish weeks pregnant.