This one time, I had a sister wife.

Posted by on April 23, 2010 17 Comments

I’m a little obsessed with Big Love. Have you seen it? Oh, it’s so fabulous. Not fabulous enough to pay for an HBO subscription, but totally fabulous enough to pay for Netflix so we can devour a season at a time in one week. (Hmmm… and now I’m wondering when season 4 comes out. Hopefully soon! I think we’ve overdosed on the Netflix documentaries. I seriously can’t watch any more for fear of not being able to eat ANYTHING.)

It’s odd to me that I’m so fascinated by a show centered around religion and polygamy, but I just can’t get enough of the drama. That’s one sure fire way to have plenty of drama to write about – throw 3 women together in just about any situation, let alone one where they are sleeping with the same man. But, despite the drama, I’m always drawn in by the relationship the three wives have, the ease in which they take care of each other’s kids, split up the errands, juggle tasks between the three of them. Hell, half the time I forget about the whole “sleeping with the same guy” thing and just think, “DAMN, it must be good to have a sister wife.”

So last week Bonnie, one of my very best friends (since we were 12 – first one to befriend me when I moved to Texas in Jr. High), came to stay and brought her 2 year old son. He’s just 6 weeks older than Kendall.  It was sort of close to magical. The boys played and played and played, from the time they got up until they crashed. It was glorious! No squatty little man following me around the house, “momma, momma, momma, momma, snack, mommmmmmmmmmma.” No pressure to entertain the child as he stares at me and pushes my coffee cup aside.

They actually *played*, you know, TOGETHER… without adults orchestrating the whole thing. For a brief moment, very brief, I was a teensy bit envious of those of you with twins… until I saw the destruction they left behind. That’s because, all of the sudden, as if a veil had been lifted, Kendall realized how amazingly awesome ALL his toys are, ALL those toys he NEVER plays with. They took on a whole new level of cool when his friend showed up. Suddenly he was all, “Hey, look at this cool boat! And this, look at this box of blocks! And, whoa, I didn’t know I have a train set! Let me get it ALL OUT RIGHT NOW AND TAKE INVENTORY OF MY COOL TOYS.” This happened at least 3 times a day.

But the mess was fine. It was worth it for the peace we got out of it. We were able to sit back, talk, relax, drink coffee, all from the comfort of the playroom or the backyard. And when it came time to meals or bathtime, we naturally divided up duties. She gave the boys baths each night while I cooked dinner. We took turns preparing snacks and went grocery shopping together. We were like one step away from  french braiding each other’s hair and throwing on prairie dresses and I LOVED IT.

Damn, it was good to have a sister wife.

I mean, I guess she wasn’t actually my “sister wife.” For one, my husband wasn’t even home, and if he was, it’s not like that relationship would have been consummated, but I can sort of understand being okay with another woman sleeping with your husband as long as she’s making half the meals and putting out half the fires. Honestly, it’s not like I’m really up for “it” half the time anyway. Sharing EVERYTHING 50/50 probably has a lot of perks. Unfortunately, my husband can barely afford to support one wife, so a sister wife just isn’t in the cards for us ; )

As much as I miss the extra company and help, I think Kendall misses his new friend Ty, and Ty’s cool mom even more. Ty’s cool mom has lollipops, or “pop-pops.” She gave them to the boys when we needed a few minutes of peace. I am the boring mom who just never thinks to buy lollipops (not that this is me taking some sort of stand against sugar because I’m all for sugar on a stick with magical “quit your whining” powers). It’s been one week since Ty and Bonnie left, and Kendall is still trying to guilt me by telling me, “Pop-pop! Momma, pop-pop!” I say, “No, Kendall. I’m sorry. We don’t have any lollipops.” His response? I kid you not, “TY momma pop-pop.”

Kendall is nearly 2 going on 12, apparently.

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Filed Under: Headed to Toddlerhood |Tagged With: , , |17 Comments

Faking it

Posted by on April 20, 2010 33 Comments

Every now and then a friend will say something to me like, “How do you do it all?” or, even worse, refer to me as a “Supermom.” It’s totally mind boggling. It really is. I do NOT have it all together, I certainly don’t do even close to half of it, and I still haven’t gotten around to making my Supermom cape (though the fabric is purchased and stacked nicely among all the other piles of fabric for all the other projects I keep meaning to do but never seem to make their way out of my craft closet).

On these occasions, I usually chime something back like, “What? Me? Oh, honey. It’s all smoke and mirrors.” Truly, it is. I’ve actually always been pretty good at faking it, glossing things over, tidying up at the last minute, disguising and distracting. All skills that I’ve found to be massively helpful since becoming a mom, and even just since becoming a home-owner.

Truth be told, my house is never as clean as it is the mornings I host play group. So, the charade should be up now for all the play-groupie friends reading this. That level of sterile, the environment free of animal hair is not normal. My secret is out.

I’m a big believer in the power of a good spot clean. Why take the time to scour the whole thing when only a part of it looks dirty? Don’t get me wrong, the germs that live on the clean looking parts meet their match about once every week or two, but the rest of it gets special attention more often only if it actually *looks* dirty.

My husband and I have worked out a bit of a system over the last two years, dividing jobs. He loads the dishes since he can’t stand the way I don’t pre-rinse them enough (hey, only trying to save the environment), and I unload them because I can’t stand the way he has no regard for the order of things around here. I pretty much do all the laundry, including the diapers. He cleans the cat box, and the toilets. I vacuum (because I still love my Dyson so much I could lick it) and he mops. That last part is what I love the most. He mops this worst-idea-ever-thank-you-stupid-bachelor-with-no-pets-or-kids-who-lived-here-before-us WHITE TILE KITCHEN FLOOR that shows everything. I despise this floor almost as much as Ann Coulter.

However, from time to time, like when he’s traveling and it’s my week to host play group, the tile floor desperately needs attention. So what do I do? Well, I sure as hell don’t lug that nasty ass mop out of the garage and start a sink of mop water. Instead, I take a cue from my old pal Pippy. You remember her, right? Pippy Longstocking? Who among us DIDN’T want to skate around on a floor of suds?

I slip on my super cool, hot pink MOP SHOES!

Not very much unlike these (on sale at LillianVernon.com for only $4.98)

I grab my spray bottle full of water, vinegar and a dash of Dr. Bronner’s castile soap, spray, spray spray, then slide, slide, slide, doing side lunges back and forth across the floor. It’s quite the workout. When I come across a particularly stubborn spot, I do a little twist. I guess if I really wanted to let lose, I could try out all sorts of dance moves, though the running man might end in disaster.

It takes all of about 5 minutes, and Viola! The white tile floor is sparkling…sorta… if you don’t look too close… especially at the baseboards. But, hey, it’s enough to feel like the kitchen is presentable, and I don’t get nearly as frustrated at the first person or animal who drops a ball of hair/cup of milk/pool of drool on it, knowing such minimal effort went into it all.

So that’s one of my little tricks in my bag of smoke and mirrors. What about you? Come on, ‘fess up. What do you do to “fake it”?

Kendall is less than 2 weeks away from turning 2. Holy. Moly.

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Filed Under: Headed to Toddlerhood |Tagged With: , , , |33 Comments

Thank you, Tiny Prints, for helping me FAIL less.

Posted by on April 18, 2010 13 Comments

Back before I had a baby I used to be the QUEEN of greeting cards. Hell, I actually worked at Hallmark right out of college as an assistant manager for close to a year. I was so on top of the card/gift game that I purchased them months in advance, for every little occasion I could think of, and filed them accordingly in a handy box. They were sent on time with stamps that matched the theme (oh yes, I had birthday stamps and holiday stamps and love stamps…). They had cute stickers on the back to seal the envelope. I took my time to write in the most beautiful handwriting I could with a colorful gel pen. I took much joy and pride in sending all those cards out.

Flash forward to my life today, and I’m lucky if I can get cards out for major holidays like Mother’s Day on time, and the recipient is lucky if they can read my handwriting. Honestly, half the time I don’t even bother and just hope they will be pleased with a phone call or an e-card. I don’t have the time to peruse the aisles of Hallmark these days looking for *the* perfect card. My brain doesn’t have the room it once did to mentally file all the important dates in the lives of those near and dear to me, and then to mentally file the 1 week reminder I need to mail the card on time. And even if I do remember to pick up a card, half the time it doesn’t get sent because it either gets lost, destroyed or I discover I not only don’t have a matching theme stamp, but I don’t have stamps at all. Not to mention, cards can be expensive! I guess I never batted an eye at dropping $3-5 on a card before having to budget to be a SAHM. Now I feel like all I can afford to look at are those boring .99 cards. Sigh.

But, I know those are all excuses, and I always feel terrible for dropping the ball on sending little thoughtful pieces of paper to my friends and family. I’m really trying to work on it, I swear. I’ve tried plugging dates into my phone’s calendar, along with reminders, but even still, that doesn’t take away the hassle of actually purchasing the card.

Enter Tiny Prints new Greeting Card launch. Okay, let me just say that this post is not at all sponsored by Tiny Prints. I just HAD to tell you guys about this because, to me, it’s freaking awesome. And if any of you are anything like me these days, I have a feeling you’ll think it’s pretty freaking awesome, too.

We’ve used Tiny Prints a few times in the past, and I’m always super pleased with their quality and customer service. In fact, I just ordered Kendall’s 2nd birthday invites from them and couldn’t be happier. Their website is easy to navigate and I find that it’s really simple to personalize their designs. Their new greeting card program allows you to customize any of the designs for all sorts of occasions with pictures and text. You can even have them address the envelope (free of charge) to the recipient and from you and send it straight to the birthday girl’s house (you will be charged .44 for a stamp). Or you can have them send it directly to you and you can pass it on yourself. They have a calendar that you can enter special dates into, and it will also send you a couple reminders leading up to it. Say you have a lot of free time one weekend (okay, just fantasize), you could make up a bunch of cards and then schedule them for when you want them to be sent. They allow you to make changes to them up until they go out.

The designs are, of course, adorable. And I love that you can customize them with pictures! Depending on the membership plan you sign up for  ($16.99 a year or $5.99 a year), the cards are either $1.99 or $2.99 each. If you opt not to sign up for a membership, they are $3.99 each. Right now they are waiving the membership fee for one year, though, AND you get three free cards! I signed up for the Savvy Sender plan, which is $5.99 a year and $2.99/card. I figure even at that price I’m spending as much or less than I would at Hallmark, and that doesn’t take into account all the time, gas, and headaches saved. Then I jumped right in and designed all three Mother’s Day cards for my mom, stepmom and mother-in-law. I am SO on top of it. ::high fives self::

So, yeah… basically this pretty much rocks my world. I hope I can stick with it this time and quit being such a flake when it comes to paper correspondence and such. I don’t know if I’ll ever be as with it as I used to be, but something’s better than nothing, right? (And moral of the story for those of you yet to have children- aim low so as not to appear to have completely fallen into a black hole after procreating.)

Now, if you’re not like me, and you do still rock at sending paper correspondence, I want to know your secret!

Anyway, hope you all are enjoying the weekend. You’re welcome in advance for the reminder to take care of your Mother’s Day cards ; ) OH! And we leave for Sonoma in 6 days!!

Kendall is 23.5 months old. Did I mention I got his SECOND BIRTHDAY invites? EEK!

**Edited to add full disclosure 4/20: I was just notified by the Tiny Prints Affiliate program that I can get credit for referrals to the Greeting Card program, so I’ve updated links with my affiliate link.

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Filed Under: Headed to Toddlerhood |Tagged With: , , |13 Comments

If you read one article this week, let it be “Fatal Distraction.”

Posted by on April 13, 2010 23 Comments

I don’t have much time to really sit down and blog this week, but what I’m going to do is cheat a little right now.

****WARNING: You probably don’t want to read this at work or anywhere you don’t feel comfortable crying or have access to tissues.****

THIS article, this heartbreakingdestroying story of so many parent’s grief and guilt, this tragic tale of loss and forgetfulness, is worth every single minute it will take you to read it from beginning to end. And do not skip from one point to the next. No, all these stories deserve to be heard and all these cautionary tales need to be told.

It is graphic, and it is so sad you will want to close your browser and be done with it all, to stick your fingers in your ears (or cover your eyes) and say “La, la, la…. not to me… never happen to me… puppies and rainbows and kittens!” But DON’T.

It’s coming up on that time of year again. It was in the 80′s here today. It’s so easy to sit here and say, “I would NEVER forget my baby in the car,” but judgement doesn’t make you immune to accidents and temporary lapses in memory.

This piece, “Fatal Distraction,” by Gene Weingarten ran in the Washington Post last March (2009) and was just awarded a Pulitzer Prize. I tell you, it is worth every minute, every word, every gut wrenching scroll down of the mouse.

Kiss your babies extra tonight. That’s where I’m headed.

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Filed Under: Headed to Toddlerhood | |23 Comments
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