“I am so lucky to have you. We are so happy you’re here!”
“Do you like us as much as we like you? I hope so.”
“You are the best surprise.”
“Thank you for surprising us!”
“I never knew you were missing until you were here.”
Those are all actual conversations I have with Wallace every day now. And yes, a conversation. He replies with coos and smiles and infectious giggles.
I found out about a year ago that I was pregnant. It was a HUGE surprise in the way that people will tell you, “We don’t know how this happened!” and you think, “But, of course, you know how this happened!” But seriously, they really don’t know. I still really don’t know.
And, honestly, I wasn’t happy about it. I spent a good part of the first half of that pregnancy pretty mad about it. I had plans for 2016, and they did not include gestating. I had plans for 2017, and they did not include breastfeeding and fighting off debilitating postpartum anxiety.
But he came anyway. He surprised us anyway. He made me white knuckle my way through last year so that I could re-discover how strong I am. He brought us joy and has cleared the fog. He put a lot of priorities in sharp focus.
There is nothing hazy or wishy-washy about his smile or his joyous presence. We didn’t know we were missing him until he was here.
We are so glad he’s here.
And in case you’re wondering, he’s 4 months old, 19 lbs, and 27 inches. I’ve spent about 70% of 2017 breastfeeding so far.