I’m 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, which would seem really really pregnant to some people, but I have always had my babies 4-5 days after my due date, so I’m merely really pregnant.

And yet, way too pregnant to do the following things:

I’m too pregnant to wear a bra for more than 3 hours. This will decrease by 1 hour every 5 days from here on out. That’s just math.

Things I'm Too Pregnant For | BabyRabies.com

I’m too pregnant to give a shit about feeding my family a balanced meal. Today, my grocery cart was full of Uncrustables, pudding, breakfast bars, and a special kind of cookie dough that’s made for eating raw, and it’s a fucking injustice that it took me THIS LONG to discover that’s a thing that exists.

I’m too pregnant to put up with the pushy lady at Target who is always trying to get me to sign up for a Red Card line of credit. SHUT UP OMFG. And on this note, I’m entirely too pregnant to try to figure out if I’m to swipe or insert my debit card at checkouts. Why does giving someone my money take this much brain power and patience?

Things I'm Too Pregnant For | BabyRabies.com

I’m too pregnant to give any shits about what our Christmas tree looks like. I’m too pregnant to make cookies. I’m too pregnant to give a fuck that our elf isn’t even coming this year. I’m too pregnant for elves. I’m too pregnant for Christmas, honestly.

I’m too pregnant to shop. Online. I literally can’t even sit at my computer long enough or look at my phone long enough to do any kind of thoughtful shopping. Everyone is getting whatever randomly pops up on the front page of Amazon.

I am too pregnant to EVEN with Amazon for sending that shit in boxes that don’t even try to hide what’s inside. THANKS FOR RUINING SANTA, AMAZON.

Things I'm Too Pregnant For | BabyRabies.com

I’m too pregnant to care that the temps FINALLY dropped to below burning-in-hell and my children have nothing appropriate to wear.

I’m too pregnant to care that my 3 year old has watched every single episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates on Netflix. Twice. In a week.

I’m too pregnant to stay awake longer than 5 hours at a time.

I’m too pregnant to care if you think it’s weird I’ve taken this many pictures of me in my PJs with my belly hanging out. It’s called documenting this special time, okay?

Things I'm Too Pregnant For | BabyRabies.com So special. So pregnant. Plus, I was too pregnant to get up off the floor without help, so I was trying to keep myself occupied.

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15 thoughts on “Things I’m Too Pregnant For”

  1. I started laughing at the first sentence and proceeded to frickin’ WHEEZE and laugh so hard there were tears streaming down my face for the rest of the article. All the way to the end. I’m 40 weeks and 2 days and this made my DAY. I even have the 3-yr-old of which you speak, the chronically post-due baby issue, and that relationship with amazon. Best of luck to you!

  2. I love this! I’m 37.5 weeks and am too tired to care about kicking myself for not finishing getting ready for baby sooner. This is my first and I clearly had NO idea! But this put a smile on my grumpy uncomfortable face – thanks!

  3. lol i can relate to being on the floor and making the best time of it while you are there, my dogs enjoy that. I’m 28 weeks pregnant and this is my first and i am now sleeping on the couch because the bed is too uncomfortable for me, he only let me eat peach cobbler and almond joy for sweets, water and coke (i really hate coke) for drinks, nothing gets past this kid, he don’t like my cooking. but other than that I’m having an awesome pregnancy.

  4. Lol, I’m only at 20 weeks with my first and I already feel some of these! Especially the swipe or insert thing! Pregnancy brain is so real…I’m struggling with my sentences.

  5. This was a hoot! My first daughter was born at 26w/5d and I’m now a whole 27w/6d with number two and because of circumstances have a scheduled c-section at 37w…I’m glad you’re keeping it in perspective without complaining! Some of us never get to experience the “I’m too pregnant for…” stage and I enjoyed your candidness, but whiny late-3rd-trimester women drive me batty! Great pics btw.

  6. I work. The damn bra is on 8+ hours a day. I’m on heat 80% of my work day because my back is stuck in a chair. And I have fibroids that like to become tender and tear, or push ribs where they don’t belong. I now have to juice my food because I can’t hardly eat or I’m in agony. 8 weeks to go.

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