I hoped that I’d get through this pregnancy and be able to tell you all, “Best news! I didn’t want to eat sand or rocks once!”

But here I am, wishing we hadn’t dumped all the sand out of the sandbox.

Then again, it’s for the best because you can see into our backyard from the school, and people may see me out there with a spoon, shoveling sand into my mouth. And then my kids would probably lose friends, and it would definitely be awkward at school conferences.

I’m real proud of my restraint in Hawaii, y’all. I mean, there it was, an entire island surrounded by miles and miles of delicious sand. And I didn’t pour a handful of it into my mouth once, even though I really really REALLY wanted to.

I mean, there was a point, sitting on the beach in Waikiki, surrounded by hundreds of people, when I wondered who would really notice if I had just a little.

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Look at it! Salivating.

I didn’t want the super wet from the ocean stuff, or the really dry stuff, but the stuff just below the really dry stuff away from the ocean? Just slightly damp? YES. All of that. Like the consistency of not too wet grout. Mmmmm…. grout.

WHY DO MY BABIES MAKE ME A CRAZY IRON DEPRIVED PERSON???

I’m trying. I really am. I’m taking alllllllll the supplements and vitamins, and cooking in cast iron, and eating lots of red meat. But my body just NEEDS sand (and sandy rocks) to make babies. I DON’T KNOW EITHER, OKAY.

(Medical note, because I know there will be questions: Midwife knows, iron has tested low, iron supplements given, also taking calcium/magnesium supplements, and prenatals.)

I tried limiting dairy this time around after reading how too much milk made Julie’s baby eat sand. I even limited my intake of TUMS. Honestly, I really wish someone would just say to me, “Your body is craving sand for a reason, so here is some sterile sand that you can eat.” 

Because obviously sand could be harboring all kinds of nasty germs, I guess. But then I wonder, what if I bake it?? Would the heat kill it? I guess my husband would know since he deals with this stuff for a living, but I can’t ask him because that would suggest I’m considering it and he might actually have me committed this time.

I DID eat sand last time, and sucked on rocks the time before that, and all seemed fine in the end. And really, if we had some here that was easily accessible, I think I’d cave right about now. But we don’t, and they only sell it in giant bags, and there’s no way I can sneak off and buy a giant bag of sand just for this because where am I even going to hide it? That’s next-level shit when you’re thinking about where you can hide the thing you want to eat most.

WHAT IS EVEN MY LIFE?!

Also worth questioning- I’m sharing all of this with the internet.

Anyway, that’s the big update for the day. I’m 32.5 weeks pregnant, and I really want to eat sand. Again. Because my body loves to fuck with me in so many ways when I grow babies.

18 thoughts on “Can I Get A Round Of Applause? I Didn’t Eat Any Sand On Vacation, But I Really Wanted To”

  1. You probably already know all of this, but you can’t take calcium and iron supplements at the same time or even within a few hours of each other (some meds as well). They sort of cancel each other out and then you don’t get enough of either. I take my calcium/magnesium/D with breakfast and my iron with dinner. (I do best with those liquid iron supplements; don’t know why.) Also, take the supplements with orange juice or vitamin c gummies to help facilitate absorbtion.

    I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this. Thank you for sharing all the crazy and letting us laugh with you!

  2. Researching and brainstorming makes my 15.5w pregnant brain happy and distracted from my awful back/gas/headache/etc so I have some thoughts :p
    I am not a doctor (I don’t even play one on TV), and I’m not actually suggesting you eat sand. So show Scott that last line if you do, loll.

    – Sometimes gardeners attempt to sterilize sands and other potting materials, with varying advice/opinions on viability. Just consider the nastiest they’re trying to kill (like spores and insect eggs) next time sand starts looking delicious :p
    – Have you considered getting something like a Whiskey Stone/Scotch Rock/etc? I would think it would be more body safe (for steeping water/sucking on) than just a random rock. Might not be as satisfyingly rocky due to that though.
    – If you want to add iron to other stuff you cook or drinking water, there are things like the Lucky Iron Fish (I’m partial to them because of their charity but I’m sure there are others) designed to do so in places with low access to supplements.

    Just some thoughts, and of course some well wishes as well c:

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