Parenthood is the most disgusting thing ever.

You know what? If you can’t change a diaper bursting with a river of chunky & runny poo, wash your hands, then go right back to eating the beef stew you made for dinner, you simply won’t survive. You’ll starve.

I’ve caught vomit in my hands. I’ve wiped runny noses with my sleeve. I’ve inspected mystery rashes, and I’ve cleaned cups of milk so curdled it’s more solid than liquid.

Nothing has shaken me quite like hearing, “Jill…. Jill! Come here. I think Lowell has worms.” 

Picture-Of-Nothing

Needless to say, I did not go there to see. Nope. What if one leapt from his butt cheek and attached itself to my face? Crawled up my nose? No. I made Scott handle diapers all weekend. I’ll take your word for it!

Pinworms. That’s what they are. No doubt, a lovely souvenir from Disney World. THANKS, FLORIDA.

I mean, I couldn’t keep him from sucking on ALL the handrails at Magic Kingdom. You can’t pour hand sanitizer in their mouth, you know. (But someone should really get to work on that breakthrough.)

I just deleted the description from WebMD that I pasted here for you. I’m so sorry for that momentary lapse in judgement. You don’t deserve that.

I’ll just say that one of the symptoms of pinworms is a very itchy butt (I’ll let you imagine why), and you know how when your kids have lice and suddenly you start scratching your head out of fear that you also have them? In my experience, it’s exactly the same when your kid has pinworms, except it’s not your head with phantom empathy itching.

What is my life that this is even a normal thing for me to write on the internet?! 

So we’re treating him for it, of course. But also? Treating the whole family because, as it turns out, it’s pretty contagious. I mean, I don’t think anyone else has them, but I’d rather treat everyone than have to go looking for them… in the other places they would be.

So maybe the itching is not… phantom? OMG. No. I just… I’m fine. It’s fine. WE’RE FINE.

 

 

15 thoughts on “It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just WORMS!”

  1. The pinworm medicine is the worst. The one we had was banana flavored or something…very chalky…totally gross, but way better than the entire family possibly having pinworms.

  2. My doctor told me I could shine a flashlight at my daughter’s butt to see if I could see any….movement. To confirm pinworms. Nope. I cannot. We will all simply take the pinworm meds and move on with our lives.

  3. This is a caption from a blog post I wrote a year or so ago about our “experience” with pin worms. I feel you.
    “Many parents have kids that love to be naked. We are not those parents nor do we have those children. We have become even less those people after the pinworms incident of February AND March 2013. If you have to ask what pinworms are and/or how they are spread then you should just take what I say at face value (and not Google it) that it forever changed naked time in our house, forever. A common phrase after bath time in our house is, “DO NOT SIT ON THE COUCH WITHOUT UNDERWEAR!”
    Middle of spring in Arizona and my kids wore zipper PJs so no one could get at their butt while sleeping. We pulled my son from Pre-K until I was convinced they had eradicated the…ahem…situation. Yup.
    Welcome to a new world where every “itchy butt” complaint from here until eternity sends you into a tailspin of depression and horror where you flashlight a-holes with dread and tears in your eyes. Welcome to the club.

  4. LOL… I worked as a vet tech. Seen worms, HAD worms..still I pray daily that I dont have to deal with pinworms. If its any consolation..its not so bad.

  5. I feel your pain. We all just had to get treated for scabies. SCABIES. Because my boys both had them. And they live with us soooooo… I had to wash the entire house and fight a naked four year old over putting scabies-killing cream on his body. Good. Times.

  6. DIDNT EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A THING. Holy lord baby Jesus above, this is terrifying. Ill put this as number 3 in the terrifying anecdotal stories that you’ll forever remember when your child touches anything in public.

  7. We had to do the flashlight thingie because they prefer the dark and our doc said to have some clear tape handy to stick DOWN THERE to catch one to make sure that it was a pinworm….. nothing bonds a family like hovering around your child’s butt in the dark waiting to press tape to his anus…

  8. You’re super brave to write about this. I just freaked out, cleaned a lot, and tried to pretend it didn’t happen. The paranoia is still strong, though.

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