A lot of you chimed in with love and support after my post the other day about a lot of things, but mainly about my heartbreak over feeling Kendall was being excluded from his flag football team.

I will admit that that night I was prepared to send off a scathing email to the coach, a gut reaction to the sting I felt in my heart, radiating down toward my fingers. My momma bear impulse strong.

Scott pleaded his case that I wait. I listened. I had a drink. I went to bed.

Yesterday morning, I finally sent that email to the coach, but with time and a clearer head on my side, I was able to convey my concerns in a thoughtful manner and open a line of communication.

And that’s when I learned Kendall sat out half of the scrimmage because he’s missed half of the practices. The team meets 2x a week, and then has a game on Saturday. We haven’t been able to make it to Thursday practices because it’s conflicted with baseball, which is wrapping up still as the football season begins.

We had no idea that Thursday practices were dedicated solely to offense, and Tuesday practices to defense, thus leaving him completely in the dark about offense.

Oh. So, that would make sense. That’s why it appeared like he was the only kid (or one of very few) who was clueless about running the ball. That’s why he was pulled out of the scrimmage every time they lined up on offense. I totally get that.

We just… had no idea. The coach never communicated to us that that’s how the practices were structured, and we never communicated to the coach that we’re a little overcommitted right now (lesson learned, believe me).

And so, as with most things in life, I think this all boils down to, yes, definitely a lack of communication. But also? After a little self-reflection, it’s also in part due to my magnified fears of people’s reactions to my child’s energy. You know how when you’re in a restaurant and you swear your kid is the loudest person in there, but then there’s a couple at another table who can’t even hear your kid because they are too busy worrying that THEIR kid is the loudest one in there?

I don’t know, this could all just be me, but this is something I’ve struggled with since Kendall was born. So many of these feelings, I think, have to do with the rigid standards I used to hold parents (and kids!) to before I became a mother, and learning to let go and not live in fear of what the 25 year old me would think of me today.

Kendall is high-energy, and he lacks focus, and he’s also incredibly kind and smart and a kid I’m proud to call mine. I just find myself on-edge every time we’re in a new situation because what if the people around us only see his distractibility and his quick frustration? Those are the things I zone in on when we’re out in public, and it’s a habit I KNOW I need to work to overcome.

Anyway, this all turned into a lot more of a therapy session than I intended. I just wanted to sit down and quickly update y’all that football practice went MUCH better last night, and I felt I owed it to his coach to clarify things after we cleared the air.

And now we can get back to getting excited about football because Kendall is SO EXCITED.

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12 thoughts on “Communication Is A Good Thing & So Is Self Reflection- A Football Update”

  1. I know this phenomenon of which you speak. The “my kid is the worst kid in here” phenomenon. It’s all just scar tissue that we have to work through, right? You know you have to work on it and I know I have to work on it, but it’s nice to hear about others who struggle with kicking that habit of seeing their kid’s flaws and only that in public. Keep on keeping on mama! I appreciate the self-reflective post. 🙂

  2. Your son sounds so much like my 3.5-year-old son and your fears are like a reflection of my own. I’m always stressing about him in social situations and most of the time, people will say, “Relax! He’s fine!” But his behavior just *bothers* me. I’m always so worried about what people think of me as a parent because of his high-energy, can’t sit still, can’t listen, trouble focusing behavior. I feel like I have to repeat myself 1,356 times to him before he pays attention to me, and I just imagine how annoying I am to other people because I get sick of hearing myself sometimes! Like your son, he’s SO sweet and smart. And he’s truly not a bad kid…just SO excitable! And most people see that, but I can’t seem to relax! I’ve become the quintessential “hover” parent because I know how he is and I’m just WAITING for him to get into something or touch something that he’s not supposed to, so it keeps me on edge all.the.time. I was hoping he’d outgrow it in the next few years, but now I’m wondering if it’s just part of his wonderful personality and it’s ME that needs to grow.

  3. so glad that was cleared up and thumbs up to the honey for helping your wait until the morning to conduct your email!! Whew – sometimes our better halfs really help us see things a different way!

  4. I suffer the same anxiety about my children in public. One thing that has helped me get over it quickly is having a husband who is even more paranoid that his children are public menaces. He would have lost his mind if he had flown with me and our 18 month old. She was “that kid” that ruins your flight. The one that when you get home and someone asks you how your flight was and you say it was horrible because this kid wouldn’t stop screaming… That was me and my baby. Single worst experience as a parent… but several people around me were very kind and offered help or at least sympathetic looks. And in the end we survived. We bonded too. I will never ever let her forget what she put through that day…ever. 🙂

  5. I really think this whole post can be boiled down to this – YOU CARE, Jill. You care a lot about your children. And you’re willing to put yourself out there to protect them. That says a lot <3

  6. So glad you were able to open those lines of communication and realize it was all just a misunderstanding. My brother plays football (he’s 13) and their league actually has a rule that parents are welcome to air their concerns and comments but not at practice in front of the kids. They must wait 24 hours before contacting coaching staff to talk about their concerns. This gives everyone a chance to calm down and keeps things more fun for the kids which is really what it’s all about :).

  7. I love this, Jill. I mean, I know I’m only what… 13 months into this parenting thing, but I feel like I find myself doing this all the time. Learning about the importance of communication, taking a step back and not overreacting to everything that comes my way, and all the whatnots in the world. Thanks for sharing!

  8. I am glad that you were able to sort out the issues with communication. The reasoning is good to hear. I can relate about being paranoid about other people’s reaction to my child’s … eager-ness. I just happened to be talking to one of our school’s substitute teachers yesterday at church. She had sub’ed for my sons class twice this last week, and it was good to hear her perspective and realize that my son is not as disruptive as I thought he was.

  9. I too need to learn to not worry so much about what others think of my child. He’s 1.5 years old and nothing but a constant on-the-go ball of energy! He also gets frustrated easily, and meltdowns generally follow those frustrations. Thank you for this. I needed to hear it!

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