2 pills. Lexapro this time, not Zoloft.
The anxiety is back, and I’m dealing with it. I have the gift of experience behind me now. The gift of knowing what to look for. The gift of knowing what to do, where to go, the words to say over the phone to my medical provider without stumbling or tripping over embarrassment and fear.
Like having a cold or strep throat. I was/am sick. I am taking medication for it. I will get better.
Postpartum Anxiety never shows itself to me right after the baby is born. In fact, I was so blissed out over Lowell this time (once I got over the horrific postpartum healing experience) that I thought it wouldn’t bother me ever again.
But, just to be sure, I took extra precautions. My husband and I have guarded my sleep and well-being with ferocity this time around. We hired help so I wasn’t trying to balance work along with everything else. We let obligations slide. We pressed ourselves less.
Still, it’s back. I’d say it began to really show itself around 5 months postpartum. I tried to wait it out. We had a rough start to the new year, so I thought I just needed to get life under control.
But the more I struggled, the more I realized it wouldn’t happen without help. I didn’t want it to get as bad as it did last time before I reached out.
So if I’ve seemed less engaging, less involved here and other social media platforms lately, if I’ve missed an email you’ve sent, I’m sorry. Half of that is because I’m struggling (and my reaction to anxiety is to just shut down and ignore everything), and half of that is because I’m fighting, and giving myself permission to work at my own pace.
The meds are working, though, and I’m working through it. It just takes time, and grace, and support. I’m lucky to have all 3.