As I loaded up my groceries into my cart, the checker at Target did that thing where he just keeps right on scanning the next person in line. My keys and wallet were still by the card-reader, and I was balancing a baby on my hip, trying to hustle. I get that they have to serve everyone quickly but, HELLO, 10 seconds please? Literally 10 seconds. Please.

But the checker didn’t seem all that with-it to begin with. Probably the end of a long shift. He had that far-off look in his eyes, daydreaming. He was mostly silent as he scanned the items on the belt for the man behind me in line.

Beeep….. beep….beep….

I put that last bag in my cart.

Then, quietly, but loud enough for me and the man in line to hear, he sung out, almost as if in a trance and completely against his will….

“Trojan MAN!”

And then abruptly, I swear, stopped breathing.

We all did, all 3 of us. The awkward was painfully funny. Well, for me. I have no idea if it was just painful for the man obviously buying condoms. Hopefully it was funny, this rare peek into this checker’s inner dialogue.

I just…. walked away. I could not allow myself to look up and make eye-contact with either of them. I shop there way too much to pee my pants at checkout.

18 thoughts on “A Win For The Trojan Marketing Team”

  1. Ha, this reminds me when I worked at Kmart in college. A group of guys, my age, came to my checkout lane and bought condoms and rain ponchos. They even commented to me that I was probably thinking that was an interesting combination. They were going rock fest concert in the area. At least they were prepared.

  2. My husband once bought a pregnancy test and a bottle of vodka. The checker said, “If that is positive, you’re gonna need that” as he gestured to the vodka. Classic.

  3. This had me laughing hysterically at my desk. Mostly the very last line. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it today!

  4. This made me think of an incident when you were almost three, I still looked about 16 (I always looked younger than I was back then) and I was about 7 months pregnant with your sister. Somehow condoms ending up in my basket without my knowledge until the checkout line. Mind you this was in the day before these items were behind locked doors , just higher on the shelf were a kid in a basket could reach when a mom is not looking, and the cashiers actually emptied your basket. When I saw the cashier ring up the expensive item, because I was watching the register total very closely not what was being unloaded from the basket, I cried out “what was that, Oh those aren’t mine” (obviously). You quickly turned in the seat of the basket and to talk to your imaginary friend whose name happened to be Boyfriend and without missing a beat said “Boyfriend I told you not to put things in the basket” “I wanted to laugh, to cry, to have the floor upon up a swallow me. The cashier, an older lady, was trying so hard not to laugh, as you were very sincere in scolding Boyfriend. It was an awkward moment for sure. It was one of those mom moments that was engraved on my mind and will always be remembered as clearly as if I were watching it play out on a video.

  5. ha ha. reminds me of the time I was a teenager, buying tampons at the drugstore, which was embarrassing enough for me. then to make it worse, a really ‘hot’ guy got in line behind me. then I looked and saw that he put a package of laxatives on the checkout conveyor belt …

  6. Ok I haven’t read something so funny that it made me cry in quite a while. I really needed that!!

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