Imagine you’re close the end of a long race. You’ve been running all. day. long.

The finish line is in sight. You are literally 50 steps from it.

At this point, the… let’s call them “race coordinators” tell you to get onto a treadmill. So now you’re running and you’re getting nowhere. You’re exhausted and you are supposed to be done by now, but you’re still 50 steps from the finish line. No matter how much you run.

Now imagine the “race coordinators” start throwing shit at you. And they scream at you. And then they’re like, “DANCE, MONKEY. READ US SOME FUCKING STORIES.”

And you’re just still there, running on that treadmill, 50 steps from the finish line. Tired as hell.

And then they increase your speed and incline.

And you’re just like, “BUT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DONE BY NOW. OMG. LET ME OFF.”

And they’re like, “I need some watttterr! I have to go pottyyyyyy! Keep running!”

And then you finally distract them long enough to get the hell off and cross the finish line and drink a beer and pass out.

And then you start the same damn race all over again the next day.

******

For me, bedtime every night this week has been a treadmill on center stage at the Shit Show 50 steps from the finish line.

31 thoughts on “Bedtime”

  1. Thank you! I thought it was hard putting one down at night. Now that I have a 4.5 year old and a 7 week old it is epic! I finally put the baby down for the night (after quite a battle) and saw your post. It is so nice to know that I am not alone.

  2. Me too!!!! And to try to confuse me from being annoyed my two year old is trying to outsmart me with cuteness! Instead of just calling me she knocks on the inside of her door so when you open it she acts like you are just casually stopping by for a tea party or something… Just All smiles and what I can only imagine is gossip from the day! (Sneaky, non sleeping kids!)

  3. I can relate. My 9 month old has yet to sleep through the night well hell to be honest this chick doesn’t sleep during the day either..and my other two children I kinda have lost track of them….lol

  4. My husband works 24hr shifts so I do bedtime by myself a lot of the time. Trying to bathe and do bedtime routines for a 3yr old and a 3 month old is totally a shit show in our house. It typically results in at least one of us crying and on a bad night, all three of us. Definitely time for a beer. Cheers and hang in there!

  5. Ohhh you freakin crack me up…and I cry with you too! I feel your pain. My LS aka little shit is 20 months old. Fights going to sleep. Wont stay asleep. Does great during the day with naps. WTF really dude????

  6. You could not have summed it up better. With a sick contagious husband and two girls under 3, I feel like I never cross the finish line. I have to go to work to relax!

  7. Yes. Jill. Yes.

    My first two babies (after I thought I had sleep trained them so well) once they learned to get out of their cribs did not go to bed easily until they were six. SIX.

    So I tried the opposite with my third. Co-sleeping. On demand feedings. etc.

    Well, she figured out how to get out of her crib and slammed down on her face. I moved her to a floor bed and I am right back at the endless nights again. I CANNOT do this for another 4 years. I need to find a solution.

  8. I have been on that treadmill since New Years…. what a horrid thing this bedtime stuff is. he’s 1.5 and I don’t know when it will get better. It has to… right???

  9. My 2.5 year old still insists on being rocked EVERY. NIGHT. And then it still takes an hour for him to fall asleep. He just stares at me, sucking on his binky and playing (vigorously) with my hair. He will not go to sleep before 9:00 no matter how early he gets up in the morning, and he usually wakes up around 2:00 in the morning and demands to get in bed with us. We stopped fighting that a long time ago. It’s just easier to put him in bed with us–that way everybody gets more sleep (esp. Mama). It’s tough and I don’t know when it will get better. I’ll probably still be rocking him when he’s 10. :-/

  10. Or worse yet you finally cross the finish line, pass out and an hour later someone wakes you up and tells you to start running again!!!!

  11. My 6yo has been in one of these phases this week as well. Also, he WILL. NOT. STOP. TALKING. Ever. No matter what I say, no matter what I do. He just talks. Talks. Talks. TALKS. TALKS. Kind of like this. Rambling on and on about nonsense until you want to choke a bitch.

  12. I have a just 4 year old, a 2.5 year old, and a 6 month old. My 2.5 year old doesn’t sleep. My 6 month old is teething. I think some days that the non-stop marathon is causing my muscles (mostly my brain muscle) to start to deteriorate…

  13. 3 months ago I would have said you’re not describing my life here. But today, you totally are! My 5 year old and 2 year old both do this now every. single. night. Only to think that before kids you could just lay down and sleep when you want to! A couple of nights ago, at bedtime I fell asleep, 2 year old laying on top of me nursing. I fell into a really deep sleep – then he sits up and says something. I open my eyes and this toddler is sitting and looking at me. It took me a moment to realize I wasn’t dreaming!

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