Listen, elf. I know this job of yours is stressful this time of year. Parents are putting a lot of pressure on you to perform. They want you to MAKE MAGIC with cotton balls, sugar cubes, and dry erase markers!

They want you to make the kids believe in you so much that they can be stopped mid-meltdown in the aisles of Target with the mere mention of your “name.”

And sometimes it’s a really freaking ridiculous name.

“Sparkles the Elf is going to tell Santa you weren’t good today if you don’t stop that right now!”

“Sparkles”??? For fucks sake, your name is Adam. I get it. It’s enough to drive you to drink and take some pills.

DrunkElf

You’ve reached your breaking point. You’ve considered all the ways out.

psychoelf

And then you just gave up and went wild.

SpringBreakElf

This same approach happened over and over with elves across the world….

Inappropriate Elf Contest 2011
Inappropriate Elf Contest 2012

ending in some unintended consequences for a few.

SheDidntKnowElf

But now it’s really caught up to you, elf. I’m so sorry to tell you that Santa just informed me you’ve been demoted.

InappropriateElf2013

I have no idea what your new job will be, but here are a few examples of what’s happened to some of your inappropriate co-workers.

FoxSaysElf

He spends his days trying to figure this out for once and for all. Until then, he has to play the song on repeat. He twitches in his sleep, screaming out “Ring ding ding ding er WHAT DOES IT SAY?!” until he wakes in a cold sweat.

HumpDayElfPhoto credit: GEICO/You Tube

No more Marshmallow Mondays at the Candy Cane Bar. No more Fa La La La Fridays, throwing snowballs with the guys. Now it’s just a job of pushing paper in a cubicle next to this guy. The elf is equal parts terrified and curious to know how and why Santa removed his antlers.  It’s obvious that office work leads to bad posture and humps on your back. It’s rough, man. Rough.

MileysElfWith a little illustration help from HaHas For HooHas.

He’s responsible for sanitizing her foam finger and wrecking ball. I think that’s all you need to know.

RobFordsElfPhoto Credit: Chris Young/The Canadian Press

Minutes after this picture was taken, Ford took a cue from this Inappropriate Elf  and peed his own name in the snow right outside the window of a children’s hospital as a holiday party went on inside. Then he told Matt Lauer he can’t be blamed because he was too wasted to remember. Apparently, he spiked the kids’ punch… then drank it all while his elf was passing out presents.

I sure hope you find yourself in a much more tolerable job, elf. Because, like I said, I get it. I can see why you and countless other elves get a little inappropriate this time of year. Maybe Santa will let you go to rehab instead? I’ll see what we can work out.

************

I have a feeling this isn’t going to deter the other elves from getting into a little trouble this year, though. So let’s see what they’re up to. Are you ready to submit a picture of your inappropriate elf?

First, MAKE SURE YOU READ THE RULES. 

Here’s what’s on the line.

InappropriateElfPrizes13

You have until 11:59 pm CST on December 18th to link up your elf picture. After that, HaHas for HooHas will help me narrow down the top 10, and a panel of guest judges (yet to be announced) will vote to determine the top 2.

I’ll announce the winner on December 23rd. More details and dates can be found in the rules. 

Follow the directions in the Linky Tools below. Good luck, and may the elves be ever in your favor!



  • 4.5K
    Shares

102 thoughts on “2013 Inappropriate Elf Contest #InappropriateElf”

  1. <--- Not computer savey, but would like to submit an entry. I made a tumblr account posted the picture and still cant seem to figure out the backlink... Help please

  2. Pingback: Grinds My Gears
  3. I am not going to debate about it you extended your event then two of the photos that were add after the original deadline are in your top ten. Also if you click their blog there is most def. a video. You can’t prove that it is not from google so the image is suspect. This all seems sketchy to me and a lot of people I have talked to making you “contest” to fixed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • We didn’t find any banana slugs on this 2 mile loop trail, but it did gift us with a bench. Calling that a win!  #mothernurturemothernature
  • You don’t get paid for this. You do it because you’re a dad, and that’s just what dads do. #happyfathersday2018
  • So grateful to have a partner who picks up what I drop, kisses the booboos I miss, reads the bedtime stories I have to work through, and loves our kids in ways I aspire to. Happy Fathers Day to him and all the dads who are doing this exhausting and exhilarating thing called parenthood 💖
  • It’s estimated 2,000 children (some as young as one) have been taken from their parents at our border in the last 6 weeks alone. MANY of these families are asylum seekers and it is not illegal to seek asylum. They left horrific conditions not because they want to break our laws or lose their children but because they want their children to live. Please join me and my friends from all over the political spectrum to oppose this unnecessary and cruel mandate that is traumatizing children and ripping families apart with no clear plan or guarantee for reunification. This is not a Democrat or Republican issue- it’s a HUMAN issue. I can not stay silent about this. My latest blog post has links and a script you can read to your Rep & Senators when you call them. It’s so easy to DO SOMETHING. Check out my FB Live to watch me call my reps. #familiesbelongtogether
  • Danger Baby keeps earning his nickname, insisting on climbing things and running off and generally loving all things that are dangerous to babies. We are in a different city nearly every week these days, and it’s SO important that we know not only where the nearest ER is, but if it’s actually equipped to take care of babies and small children. Did you know that not all are?? I’ve teamed up with @rbabyfoundation to tell you all about their life saving, free app — Find ER Now — that will tell you where the closest ER is to you, and with the .99 cent upgrade, it will tell you  which ones are equipped to treat your littles. I’m so honored to work with them. PLEASE check out my stories for more info, including a link to download the app. #sponsored #rbabyfoundation #findernow
  • AMIRIGHT??
  • Lately Wallace has been jumping right in to everything we’re doing. He wants to watch movies with us, play ball, wrestle, eat Takis 🤣 and everything else. I forgot how much I love this stage. I think maybe it gets more fun the more kids you have. You really can not tell him he’s not a big kid. He’s not having any of that nonsense. (And yeah, he loves him some spicy Takis.) (This is totally one of those pics that looks like they swapped legs!)
  • Naps are awesome though... right? 😴