I’ve fallen out of the habit of blogging. Like exercise, it’s something that always makes me feel better when I’m done, but if I don’t keep up with it, it becomes daunting. Where do I start? What do I share? I’ve gone too long. I’ve been too silent.
The thing is, life balance is an increasing struggle for me lately. Work related to this blog is picking up, which is fabulous, but life with my kids is also speeding along, faster every day. Scott and I are both spinning in place, unable to find something to grab onto and make everything slow down. So instead, our world goes faster and faster until all the dishes have been flung from the cabinets and drawers, landing on cluttered counters. The centrifugal force of life has thrown clean and dirty laundry to every corner of this house. LEGOs are spinning around my head as I type this.
But none of this is new. It all feels very wash, rinse, repeat to me. Jill is overwhelmed. Jill has a messy house. Jill feels like her kids are growing up too fast. It’s all been blogged before.
I dream of the day I can come here and blog about solutions. I dream that one day I’ll be here with a magic formula to share with all of you. In my mind, I imagine it would be something like this:
Wake up EARLY.
Get dressed. No matter what.
Consult your to-do list that you religiously add to and cull.
Do the awful stuff first thing in the day.
Don’t check Facebook or Twitter until all the awful, boring stuff is done.
Always be cleaning something.
Only take breaks AFTER you clean something.
Respond to or delete emails the day you get them.
Keep your computer organized.
Keep your photos organized.
Take time to get outside every day.
Write the next day’s blog post by 5pm the day before and schedule it to publish.
Do the dishes.
Do the laundry.
GO TO BED EARLY.
That all sounds simple. It sounds like something most people who’ve got life under control do. I have been trying to put this in place for years.
My brain works best late at night. I crave social interaction throughout the day. I’m inspired by that social interaction to create, to collaborate. It feeds me. Sometimes… okay, lots of times, I would rather sit on the couch and snuggle with Leyna while Kendall shows off the newest level on his current favorite Wii game then fold or rinse off anything.
I’m growing a baby.
I wish I could be one of these routine people, the type who can “never sit still.” I wish I could approach my day methodically, to-do list in hand. I have a feeling it would drain me of my creativity, though. I do have a tendency of abandoning one project to start another when a flash of creativity hits me. I think this might be referred to as ADD in some circles. I’m just going to call it living in the moment.
The point of this blog post was, honestly, to just start blogging again. I opened my window and told myself to just write something. Anything. And this came out. Because one thing I’m learning in trying to figure out this balance thing is my worst enemy is doing nothing.
I don’t have to do everything methodically, by a schedule. I don’t have to cross off all my to-dos before I add new ones. I DO have to keep on doing stuff, though. So when I get paralyzed at the thought of how many emails I haven’t responded to yet, I get up and wash a few dishes. When I feel overwhelmed by how much laundry there is to catch up on, I take a few minutes to write down blog post ideas. That’s the only system that’s ever worked for me. That, along with a huge helping of self-forgiveness for the days that no system works.
So Self? I’m forgiving you for the last couple weeks of chaos, and starting fresh. Not that the last couple weeks of chaos weren’t worth it. Did I tell you all what I did? Oh that’s right. I forgot to blog.
Well, first there was California for the Mom 2.0 Summit, where I pitched HLN, took lovely pictures of my friend Morgan on the beach, and helped some dad bloggers make fun of the Wall Street Journal. You can see that picture in the NYT today.
Then Austin, where I had the honor (like the truest form of that word, seriously honored) to read my Letter To My 51 Year Old Self to an audience of hundreds as part of the Listen To Your Mother Show. Pregnancy only made it twice as hard not to weep through the whole thing. I’ll be sure to share the video with you all when it’s up on YouTube later this summer.
Finally, we landed at my mom’s in the country for Mothers Day. She got a new puppy. And I got to take pictures of my BFF since Jr. High and her two little cowboys.
And now I’m craving a little normalcy, and lots of sleep. My to-do list, which obviously I will forget exists by the end of the week, includes stuff like “buy the baby a dresser,” and “stop living out of a suitcase.”