I haven’t blogged much about this pregnancy this time around. Not because I don’t have things to say, but because I feel like I’ve said them all 2x before. And because I keep thinking I’ll “write about that when I get further along.”

And then I woke up last Thursday to a message on my phone from my pregnancy app, alerting me I was 20 weeks pregnant. I actually thought the app was wrong. Seriously.

20 weeks? HALFWAY? This is simply not possible. And yet…

There is a real baby in there, one that kicks every time I drink something cold or something hot. I can sometimes feel it softly from the outside.

And while I spent the first half of this pregnancy genuinely glad this is the last time ever I’m going to experience all this, I think I’m crossing to the side where I’ll feel a little sad this is the last time ever I’ll experience this.

I’m going to try to blog more about it… even if it’s all been said before. Even if it’s just in an effort to be fair (?) to this last baby, that they have some sort of words on a screen about the time they spent gestating.

Tomorrow is the BIG ultrasound, the one where we get a good look at the baby to be sure he or she is healthy and growing on track. It would be the ultrasound where we find out if it’s a boy or a girl, but we’re not going to.

I was 100% ok with that decision up until last week when I read a post by my friend Jenni. She also had a boy and a girl already when she decided to not find out the sex of her 3rd baby (she found out with the other 2, just like we have).

 For the night that Reid was born, Bob and I were overjoyed over our sweet, precious {and absolutely adorable} little boy, but we were also both a little sad. Just a teeny, tiny bit. Not because we had a boy.  But because we didn’t have a girl.  And the same would have held true if we had a girl on September 10th.  We would have been sad that we didn’t have a boy. – JenniFromTheBlog.com

And I think that is a totally valid feeling… one I expect I’ll feel, too. This whole not-finding-out thing is forcing us to think of 2 different realities… think of names for a boy AND a girl (and I seriously despise thinking up baby names). After my big ultrasound last time, I was, of course, thrilled I was having a girl, but a tiny part of me was sad I wasn’t having a boy. I had another 20 weeks to put that alternate reality away and prepare for Leyna. This time, I’ll have none.

We’re sticking to Team Green, though. We’ll be strong tomorrow, resist the urge to ask what it is. My midwife has already made a note in my file for the doctor who’s doing the ultrasound that we don’t want to know.

The thing is, this is the 3rd time… the last time. And I have a need to do something that’s a little different to remember it all by.. to blog about.. to help me stop and take note of the moments over the next 20 weeks before they all materialize into a peachy ball of chub in my arms.

I would love to hear about your experience if you waited to find out the sex, especially if you found our with previous children! Would you ever consider not finding out?

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  1. I found out with both boys. I’m too much of a planner not to. Also, if and when we have another, we will find out. My reasoning is that if I find out its a girl, I’ve got lots of shopping to do!

  2. We found out with our first and we were so glad we did. I wanted to have his nursery all set up. The second time around, we were team green and it was so fun looking down to see that it was a girl! We told my OB not to announce it. We wanted to look for ourselves and it was amazing!

    I totally get being sad and happy all at the same time. There is a mourning process, in my opinion, knowing it’s your last baby. Having one of each made everything feel complete for us. But at the same time, I am completely sad that I will, likely, never experience being pregnant again.

  3. We had 3 girls and I was still sad finding out our last was a boy. And then spent 20 weeks trying to decide if we really needed to buy a peeeee teepee.

  4. We were team green for both our kiddos. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It worked for us. The only disappointment I had was that I never got the “It’s a girl” or “It’s a boy” moment. The first time around I found out my daughter was a girl when my husband said, “Crap, now I have to pay for a wedding.” (He meant it jokingly of course.) The second time delivery didn’t go as planned at all. The EMT in the ambulance told me “he’s crying”. That’s how I found out. DH didn’t find out until he and my daughter made it to the hospital.

  5. We did the same thing, one of each and found out halfway through. We were team green for the third one. Like you said, I wanted to differentiate the pregnancy from the first two somehow since I felt that my third child would be getting the shaft, the leftovers, the handmedowns for a lot of his/her childhood. And I wanted everyone to be excited about some part of it. Keeping the gender unknown gave some suspense to what many spectators considered a BTDT thing.

    I’ll be honest though. I KNEW the baby was a boy. 100% positive (or 99.99%, leaving the tiny smidge of acknowledgement that it technically could be a girl). I never believed people who said they were sure of what they were having because so many of them turned out to be wrong. But I didn’t have that same sense with my other two, and I was startled at how sure I was from the moment I got the positive test. I barely gave girl names a thought, and when I pulled out our old baby clothes, I grabbed all boy stuff. I threw a pink hat into the hospital bag just in case. And sure enough, my husband took a look and announced we had another son, and my first thought was “OF COURSE we do!” So the huge moment of reveal that you wait nine months for was actually kind of a letdown. The only delivery surprise I would’ve had was if it had been a girl. I hope you aren’t having strong feelings either way – both because having a true delivery surprise would be fun (I imagine) and because it kind of defeats the purpose of not finding out and enjoying imagining the possibilities involved in either a boy or a girl.

    And I relate to the tiny bit of letdown either way. I told people I truly didn’t care what I had and that no matter what I got, I’d be 95% thrilled and 5% sad. I love having a daughter and never had a sister of my own. It was hard to say goodbye to the possibility of what another girl could mean both to my older girl and to me. But if #3 had been a girl, all the dreams I’d been forming of the boy I was sure I was having would’ve had to be grieved. The two hypothetical realities of another daughter or another son were on my mind a lot more than I expected them to be and I wavered a few times leading up to the ultrasound. But all things considered, I’m glad we waited to find out. Of course, now that my second son is here, I’m SO glad to have another boy and the dynamic it gives our family. And while another girl would’ve been nice (I assume), having only one now makes my relationship with my daughter extra special and something she and I share unique to anyone else. I can tell her she’s “my best girl” and she knows I mean it.

    • I’m starting to feel like I have strong feelings one way now, and I’m a little annoyed at myself if I’m ruining the surprise for myself!

  6. I always say if and when we have a 3rd I don’t want to find out. But then I daydream and think how the anticipation would kill me and that I would need to find out. I think not knowing would make the pregnancy seem so much longer but then again I already have two running around so likely not. My husband wants to know as soon as possible, just because.

    No matter when you find out, now or later, you’ll still be a little sad because you know it’s your last.

    I believe in maternal instincts are always spot on and I think even more so when pregnant…I knew the gender of both of mine before we find out…I personally believe deep down you know…as weird as that sounds…what does your gut tell you?

    Have fun tomorrow.

    • I don’t know if I have a gut feeling, but I feel like I’ve been picking up on all these clues the ultrasound techs have let slip!

  7. P.S. I was 75% sure #3 would be my final baby, but I left the window open – maybe out of denial – and didn’t let myself go there, thinking about all the lasts. Now we’re planning to have a fourth, and we are SURE we are done. I’m already grieving the end of the possibility-of-pregnancy phase of my life and it hasn’t even started yet! On the one hand, I’m so ready to move into the next phase of raising our family and not having all of us be prisoners to a tiny dictator’s naps, diapers, tantrums, and so on. But there’s also no going back to the amazing moments of newborns and toddlers, either. I’m going to me an emotional mess the entire time and hope I can enjoy it while I simultaneously say goodbye. It’ll be a tough, bittersweet balance to strike.

  8. I’ve never commented before but I have so many similar feelings! I have a boy and girl, both very similar ages as your children. I’m also expecting our third, due in a few weeks. We found out the genders of our other two without hesitation. This third, and last pregnancy is a surprise. I was really ok without knowing this baby’s gender until we thought of names. Feeling the same way as your friend, Jenni, I fear that I’ll be sad about what our baby isn’t. I hope I will be able to let go of the little person that one of the names signify. I hope that I’ll just be thrilled to finally hold the baby in my arms and that I’m totally over thinking this gender thing! I hope all goes well at your ultrasound!

  9. I am also pregnant with my 3rd and did not find out the sex. We were surprised with the first two as well (a boy then a girl). It is seriously one of the greatest moments ever! I did not have strong feelings as to their gender with either pregnancy before, nor do I now. But as soon as they were born I remember thinking of “course it’s a boy/girl, I couldn’t imagine it any other way”. This time around I hope it is the same. In my mind I keep thinking of the pros and cons of each, but I have a feeling that it will be perfect either way. I have a question, if it is not too personal….have you always know you wanted three children, or did you decide during this pregnancy? I am torn as to wether this will be my last pregnancy and envy those “who just know”, I feel like I should have some certainty about it, but don’t.

  10. I didn’t find out with my first and loved not knowing. I had strong feelings she was a girl and she was. We decorated everything gender neutral and I loved the surprise of not knowing until the day of her birth. The second time I was pregnant we decided to find out. I was pretty sure we’d have another girl and sure enough I was right again. I think I was a tiny bit disappointed/sad she wasn’t a “he” but that feeling quickly diminished and this time around I was able to go out and buy pink baby clothes and decorate the nursery accordingly. It was different than the first time because we were able to mentally prepare for having a girl whereas the first time we prepared for both. My third and final baby was born 5 months ago and we went team green again and I was shocked when my husband called out boy. I was ecstatic but also stunned and again a teensy tiny bit sad that he wasn’t a girl only because I’ve always said to everyone how I am such a “girl” mom and envisioned my life with all daughters. I just never expected to have a boy after two girls. It is awesome though and I love that I have a son and am able to have a mother/son bond which is different than a mother/daughter relationship. My husband and I just kept saying “Wow, we really have a boy!” For weeks after he was born. I loved being team green and would do it again if we ever had another (which we’re not but I just can’t say that we’re done, it’s too sad). Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

  11. I’ve done it both ways, and appreciated the perks of both. Team Green was a little more fun, though, I have to say. Having everyone waiting for the big news once babe is born (and having hubby announce or getting to see for yourself) makes for some memorable moments. Stay strong tomorrow–and we’ll all be waiting to see how this cliffhanger ends in 20 weeks! Yay!

  12. I can’t believe you’re halfway done either, although I can’t believe I’m virtually done myself. Holy moly. Your bump is so adorable seriously.

  13. This is so much fun! I actually LOVE the name game. We found out with the first two and I needed to know. With number 3 we waited and believe it or not I wanted a third girl. There’s something magical about sisters! Lo and behold we got a boy and the birth was so exciting for me. If we had more kids I would definitely wait to find out again.

  14. Jamie mcmillan on

    I found out with my first. To be honest I was really hoping for a girl. I had the name picked out already. I was pretty excited about it and our family and friends gave us adorable handmade quilts and handle downs for our daughter. When my daughter turned out to be my son I was shocked. The doctor told me it was a boy and I actually said “no it’s not”. I was glad for my healthy boy but it was a hard transition to make. I wouldn’t trade my boy for the world, he is the sweetest, smartest little man but I also wouldn’t wish how I felt on anyone. I will not be finding out with my future babies. Plus the gender neutral clothing is so much cuter than the all pink and all blue stuff 🙂

  15. I just had my 5th baby on Saturday, our 4th girl. We never found out the sex of any of them. It’s the only true surprise life has to offer. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  16. I started blogging after my second son was born. When we decided to start trying for #2, I decided to start a new blog with weekly updates. For me the main purpose of the blog was to share with other women that pregnancy does not have to be all rainbows and unicorns, that it is a whole pile of crap sometimes and it is OK not to revel in it. I suffered from hyperemesis both times and it takes its toll. So I try to be brutally honest and also keep some sense of humor (even if it might be the toilet kind sometimes).

    We found out with our son and we found out now, too – it’s a girl. I don’t think I could wait when I know they can tell me. I also don’t think I could be bothered with picking 2 names. Our son was 2 days old and we still didn’t know what to name him. So far we are heading the same direction with the girl (and I thought girl names were easy!). We named our cats after Ben & Jerry ice creams and I am really tempted to just name her Cherry Garcia or Chocolate Therapy.

    And I totally understand the little sadness. We didn’t have any preferences, but I just wasn’t as shocked and in awe when they told me the sex of the second baby as I was with the first. It was more of an “OK, I see. Hm.”

  17. Julia Wallace on

    I had a boy the first time and found out the sex before. the second time we decided not to find out and it was so special when I heard it’s a girl. we picked a unisex first name and 2 gender specific middle names gender neutral clothes 4 months later Avery Elizabeth is covered in pink and I loved not knowing. she kept her secret and gave me the best little surprise when most things aren’t surprising anymore.

  18. I didn’t find out with either pregnancy, and don’t plan to when I eventually have a 3rd. Honestly, it was such a thrill when each baby was born. When I had my son (1st child), I was so happy that it was a boy, for my husband’s sake (to pass on his name? to have that bond? I’m not sure…) and mine. Then, when my daughter was born, I couldn’t even think of words because I was so thrilled to have a daughter and it was so exciting, and I was glad for ME (for that daughter-mother bond). I just cried and I think my heart flipped. My reasonings might be strange to people, but it’s the way I think. For the third, I will be glad to know that either my son will have a brother and they’ll have a special bond, or my girl will have a sister and they’ll share that sisterly bond that I never had. Either way, I’ll be thrilled with whatever happens. It’s just so exciting to find out in the delivery room! There are no words for it!

  19. I can relate to this all too well. With our first baby, we did everything like we thought you were supposed to. We found out that we were having a boy and started to move forward with that information. With our second, like you said, we knew that this was our last baby and we wanted to do something different. We wanted to make his story unique to him and we decided not to find out. It was by far the best thing that I have ever done. Not knowing was so thrilling and so exciting. I loved when people would walk up to me and ask what I was having and when I replied, “A baby.” They would look at me funny. Then I would say, “Well, we are waiting to find out.” It’s such a rarity nowadays and I think that it gives you something to be excited about beyond all the yuckiness of pregnancy. Now we are preparing for our third baby, yep. We said two was it and here we are again talking about ovulation and where we would put another baby. And we will once again, NOT find out. Some things in life are better left unsaid until they can speak for themselves. Congratulations and BE STRONG!! You will be so happy that you did 🙂

  20. I have two girls, two years apart. We found out with both of them. Eventually we’ll probably have another, farther apart. If that does happen, even though we would hope for a boy, just for the opportunity to experience that, we most likely won’t find out. Trust me, I get the worry about disappointment and the 20 week cushion to adjust to the gender, but I’ve learned that there is just something about not knowing until you first really set eyes on this new little person. When the emotions are as high as they can be. It just seems so special, and I think I’d really be sad if I never got to experience that. Anyhow, glad you’re going to write more about this third pregnancy – I know you think it seems the same, but there have to be differences. I want to know more about what to expect when (if) my turn comes. Have fun peeking in on the little one!

  21. It’s one of the best surprises you will ever experience! We didn’t find out with Bailey because she was our last baby. The joy on that day was amazing!!!

  22. We believe that it is truly one of life’s true surprises. I mean if you had a crystal ball, would you REALLY look at every single thing to see what would happen? Plus, people have found out before, and yet the scan was WRONG! I’d hate to say ‘yes it was this’ and then it’s not. Plus then you don’t get the naysayers going ‘oh another girl, huh?’ as we have 2. for 20 weeks. I say keep the surprise!

    also we took photos every week in front of a door, your barn doors would be great for this, and had kid stand in front of belly, your would be like a little conga line, showing first pics of all the kids together. up to you whether they kiss your belly, put their hands on it, whatever, but those are sweet photos to treasure.

  23. We found out for our first – a little girl. Knowing for sure no matter what we only wanted two – we decided to opt for a surprise for #2. Everyone thought boy – my husband is a 5th generation Bob and I so thought that meant for sure I was having a boy. A never saw myself as a boy mom but I don’t think I pictured my life with two little girls either. I had a C-Section and my husband announced… I had another little girl. I mourned a bit for the life that I’d never get to experience and for not giving my husband a son – However, I also cried for the joy I knew my two little girls 18 months apart would have in each other. I’m super close to my sister and it was like I was giving them both an amazing gift. All in all.. it was a pretty neat experience to not find out till delivery!

  24. I’m down to my last 6 days of ever being pregnant, and it’s extremely sad. I’m being cheated out of the last 2 1/2 weeks because of complications from a full placenta previa. I’ve been so lucky to carry her as long as I have (hospital bed rest and all), but I’m SO going to miss her hiccups late in the night and little jabs at my ribs. We already have a sweet, little boy so at least we have one of each. But, it sure would be nice to have a tie-breaker!
    Unfortunately, I’m about to turn 40, and the risks of placenta acreta are too great with a third pregnancy, so this is more than likely it for us. I sure have tried to soak it all in, though. I just love being pregnant!

  25. Jacklyn Turecek Cawiezel on

    We didn’t find out with either child. (Both girls) I can understand the “disappointment and happiness ” feeling, but I still feel like it is SO worth the surprise! It is the most amazing and truest surprise… sort of like the excitement Santa had for you as a child. I also found it to be pretty great motivation during (natural) labor.

    I really don’t think you’ll regret it. Nothing is more amazing than meeting that new little person for the first time!! Especially if you aren’t sure if you are going to meet Liam or Erin!!

  26. We didn’t find out with either of our kids (a girl, then a boy) and I liked not knowing. The 2nd time around I *almost* caved. I made a little card w/ envelope for the u/s tech to fill in the blank, which she then sealed. It hung on our fridge for the next 19 weeks unopened. a couple of times my husband almost talked me into opening it. But then when I’d go to take it off the fridge, I’d feel a little disappointed and that’s when I’d know – I wanted to wait until delivery to find out!

  27. I never wanted to find out. My ex forced the issue and I’ve always regretted knowing through the last half of my pregnancy. If I ever get the chance to do it again, I’ll be waiting for the Big Reveal for sure!

  28. We didn’t find out and it was the best decision we made. I still remember the moment when my husband announced that we had a girl. Many people told me they didn’t know “how” we did it because they were such planners. I too am a planner, but it’s not about planning for something you have no control over anyway. The room that would become the nursery was painted blue and my daughter’s room is still blue nearly 3 years later. Oh well. Colors, bows, hats – that’s not the important stuff.

    I’m so very glad we waited.

  29. Love this post and the gorgeous photo. I’ve had three babies and we’ve found out the sex at the ultrasound with all three. It’s a surprise no matter when you find out in my opinion, so we never opted to wait. I really like knowing the gender for some reason. On another note, I have been wondering lately if I’ve had my last baby. We always talked “maybe four,” but there’s a part of me that would feel okay if we stayed at three. But then I feel sad that I wouldn’t know that my last pregnancy was my last.

  30. We found out with our first, a girl. For the second we went team green. It was torturous (for me) not knowing throughout the pregnancy (team green was my husband’s idea and I went with it), but I think it helps give you that extra excitement and motivation during labor to get that kid out so you can finally find out what it is! And also, it’s fun to drive your extended family nuts by not telling them. When our second ended up being another girl, I did have a slight feeling of disappointment at it not being a boy. But my feeling during the pregnancy was that it was a girl, and I was right. And I love that girl as much as I would have had she been a boy.

  31. I am planning on NOT finding out for my next pregnancy (which would be my 2nd one). I feel that I already got what I wanted, a boy, and I honestly do not care what gender I get for next 2 pregnancies. 🙂

  32. We didn’t find out with our first and did find out with our second. If we are ever pregnant again (I hope not–pregnancy is MISERABLE) then we won’t find out. With our first, I was really excited about either gender and I don’t remember being disappointed that she wasn’t a boy. When she was born, I pulled her up on my chest and I got to be the one to announce her gender. 🙂

    With our second, I was wanting a girl and was a bit disappointed when he turned out to be a boy at our 20 week ultrasound. So I guess it was good that we found out ahead of time.

  33. I’m pregnant with our 3rd and I’m really struggling with the decision to find out or not. I would like to know for a variety of reasons, mostly to be able to bond with the baby which I wasn’t able to accomplish with the first two. However my husband is standing his ground and does not want to find out. He even went as far to say that I can find out but I not tell him. (As If!)
    My journey is slightly different than most of the comments I’ve read here so far. And for that it seems like a daunting decision for me. We chose not find out with our first and throughout my entire pregnancy we, along with the majority of our family, friends and strangers were convinced it was a girl. I was in so much denial that I failed to catch the slips from the sonographer during late pregnancy ultrasounds and even as I labored the fellow and nurse both spilled the beans. I was shocked when my sweet precious boy revealed himself.
    Eighteen months later I was pregnant with our second and was offered at both 12 and 16 weeks to find out the gender. Both times I declined because my husband still wanted it to remain a surprise and I was on the fence and I figured I could decide by my 20 weeks scan. I had an ultrasound at 16 weeks because I’d been having some bleeding. That was my last opportunity to find out the gender. I went into labor at 16W2D and our second son was born a day later. As I reflect back, I’m certain that if I’d found out the gender at that last scan, I would have spent the last few days and hours mourning with him the fact that my second (and last at the time) pregnancy didn’t create a girl. I have no regrets about not finding out for this very reason. I’m glad that I left that u/s thinking that all was well and I spent most of the weekend enjoying my son and family and believing that everything was okay.
    Jump to almost exactly 2 years later and I’m 16 weeks pregnant with #3 and I’m even more conflicted than with the previous two. I would love to find out because I like to hope that I could connect and bond more with the baby if I knew if it’s a boy or girl…but maybe not. I certainly can’t follow my mother’s gut because my first pregnancy proved that it can be wrong wrong wrong.
    Your post hit on something I think about hundreds of times a day. I REALLY just want to know that my baby is healthy and thriving and I want to be happy enough with that. I truly don’t lean one way or the other. After losing one, the gender is really a non-issue.

    • I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you all the best with the rest of this pregnancy, and I hope you’re able to bond and enjoy it no matter how or when you find out if it’s a boy or girl.

  34. We did the same as you, found out the first 2 and let #3 be ambiguous until birth. I can’t say I enjoyed it. For the exact reason expressed above, when our son was born, I wasn’t able to completely connect with him right away because there was a part of me that was also mourning the daughter-that-wasn’t. After a few hours I got over it and was able to devote myself completely to the beautiful boy in my arms, but I have to say I much preferred being completely present in the moment with my first 2. At least I experienced it both ways so I knew for sure with #4 what we should do.

  35. I liked finding out because I could call this squirmy thing lurking inside me by a name, which made me feel more positive and connected. I also appreciated being able to deal with the emotions before hand so that rather than learning about him in the hospital, I was *meeting* him. It helped me to feel like he already existed, was always a boy and was always Calvin. I love the picture!

  36. We found out with both of ours, and will find out with this third one at my 20 week ultrasound too. I’ve found that I don’t really bond too much with the baby until I know the gender. I hate being pregnant, it’s pretty much miserable the whole time, and knowing the gender makes it easier for me to focus on the sweet baby I will be getting out of the deal instead of the abstract little being that is making me crazy sick all the time.

    • And I think if I was the type to bond with babies while they are still cooking, I’d feel similarly. Truthfully, I never really feel connected to my babies until they are born.

  37. Here’s my thought… it’s a surprise either way. You just find out now or later. I would rather be prepared (names, clothes, room, etc.) beforehand, because birth is a big enough surprise by itself no matter how prepared you are for it!

  38. I am def a curious kitty so I HAVE to know what I’m having. When we do decide to have our third (and also final) child, I’ll def wanna know then too, esp since I have two girls already and will NEED to know what I’ll be graced with next. Either option works for me, but I just couldn’t stand not-knowing, lol. So happy for you, btw! Love the pic!

    • You know, if we had 2 boys (or 2 girls) before our 3rd, I don’t think I could wait. To me, it’s like we have one of each already, and I don’t even have a house with a 5th bedroom to decorate right now, so that made the decision easier.

  39. Taylor Lambert on

    I had that disappointed feeling at the 20 week ultrasound when we found out. But I’m glad it didn’t happen on the BIG birth day, that would have totally put a damper on it. Though now that I have a boy and a girl, I’d consider not finding out next time.

  40. Natalie Cross Treadway on

    I have an almost 20 month old and am currently 29 weeks pregnant. With our first, we decided NOT to find out the sex (turned out to be a GIRL!). This time around, we decided TO find out (it’s a BOY!).

    Having experienced both ways now, there are pros and cons to both. I’m such a planner that I thought not finding out was going to drive me crazy. But, I really think my favorite way is to NOT find out. There is just something so special about not finding out. It was fun to have people guess based on carrying high or low or other old wives tales. It was fun for US to guess (we swore she was going to be a boy…and mostly because of the guesses from others were majority boy) and doing the online quizzes and Chinese Predictor Chart (which was wrong). It was fun for my husband to experience the out-of-a-movie moment of going out into the hallway and announcing “It’s a Girl!” And hearing the doctor yell “It’s a Girl!” as soon as we heard those first sweet cries. Not knowing whether to buy pink or blue was annoying at first, but I soon got over that. I don’t know…I guess it was an element of surprise in a world that seems to have such few surprises left.
    Finding out this time around, I will say, was cool to try it differently. The day of the ultrasound, as soon as the picture showed a teeny tiny penis between the legs, my husband and I were all smiles for DAYS! Neither of us have any boys on our side of the family, so we were looking forward to a bit of extra testosterone. Knowing has helped us to better prepare to have a 22 month old and a newborn at the same time. And not finding out the first time….we actually have a TON of gender neutral clothing and all of our baby gear is gender neutral. So there really were not a lot of things extra to buy.
    But knowing what we were are having this time around I actually have more time to think about what we are having and almost analyze a bit more about it. Whereas with our first, we just had to go with it and no time to think!
    Did I write too much? Ha!

  41. Marnie Vittetoe Overman on

    Totally get this. We found out what we were having with our first (a girl) and decided to be surprised by our second (born just a month ago). My whole pregnancy, as much as I was excited about having a boy or girl, I was sad thinking about NOT having a boy or girl. Just reading this blog post made me cry. We had a boy and we’re thrilled (!) but I do still get a little sad about not having a girl. I spent so much time envisioning both genders in our family, I’m still working to get over the vision of another little girl. And yes, I know I would be equally sad had we had a girl.

    Rather unrelated, this labor and delivery was crazy fast (our son was born in the hallway of the hospital – I didn’t even make it to a room). And as much as it was soo eventful and a fun story, it happened so quickly and honestly felt like a non-event that I feel a little sad that I missed out on labor and delivery. It probably sounds crazy and it’s such a better outcome than a long or complicated labor, and maybe because it’s probably our last, I just felt like it was over and done with too quickly.

    Or maybe I’m still working through weird baby blues stuff and everything makes me a little sad or weepy right now? =)

  42. We were in the exact situation you are 3rd baby with a boy and a girl and wanted to do something different for the last time. We actually hated it!! I didn’t have anything to do so I focused on the health of the baby and worried if everything was ok. I didn’t have a nursery to set up (I had blue and pink already I wasn’t going to buy green or white) so when I got home I had NOTHING ready. No sleepers to just pull out or onesies b/c I had to wash it all. So on top of being exhausted and caring for two kids and a newborn I had to set up a nursery. So that was our experience, IF we were to have another we would DEFINITELY find out!

  43. We did Team Green for #1 and #2 – and both were girls. So by #3 I needed to know if I needed to unpack the piles of pink or buy some blue. #3 turned out to be a boy 🙂 If we go for #4, we will find out. I think I have lost the patience for the surprise that I had 7 years ago when we started!

  44. Our first was a girl and we actually had the second a surprise – a boy, with third baby – whenever that happens, we don’t plan on finding out either. Love surprises! I just want a healthy baby, I don’t care about the gender, and now I have plenty of clothing for both 🙂

  45. I was surprised three times. For my fourth, I decided to do what I had never done and find out. A girl! Then six weeks before I gave birth the Dr asked me, as she moved the ultrasound wand across my belly, “did we think this was a boy?” Turns out it was another boy!

  46. We didn’t find out with our first two (girl and then a boy) so with our third we decided to find out (a boy)! We figured we had one of each already so we were papered either way. We decided to go for #4 and drew the twin card. We DEFINATELY found out with them! Two of everything?! No way was I gonna be surprised by the gender. I had had enough surprises for one pregnancy. Two girls by the way. That was six years ago and I can’t say I would have done anything different. I was glad not to know with the first two and glad to know with the last two (or three!)!

    • Hey lady! I’m sorry if I gave you any second thoughts about not finding out… it IS fun to wait. 🙂 And I’m so glad you are sticking with it. Like you, I knew I would be a little disappointed at the end no matter what and yet we still stayed on team green because I really wanted that experience. And, although I’ll NEVER EVER do it again (ha!) I’m still so glad that I did it once.

      I think Bob was a little more shocked than I was though. I told him the whole time that I’d feel that way at the end and he thought I was crazy. Yet he was the first one to get upset once it was all over. It’s hard to prepare for 2 babies, picture your life with BOTH but only get to keep one. I think if he would have held it together more, I would have been fine (again, b/c I prepared more.)

      Moral of the story? Prepare Scott. 😉

  47. We waited with our baby. The best part was that when she was born, my midwife handed her up to me and covered her with a towel we just got to have our BABY for a minute. The second best thing was that when my husband went to see if it was a boy or girl, we were so sure we were having a boy that his first thought was “what happened to his penis?!” And then he realized she was a girl. 🙂

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