We’ve reached the point in time when people are now openly asking us when we will have another baby. We’ve been quite open with everyone near us that we plan to have 3, so it’s natural for them to assume the 3rd will be announced any day now. Leyna is about the exact age Kendall was when I got pregnant with her.
And I had intended for them to be equally spaced apart.
But I’m just not there yet. I thought I would be, and it’s not like there’s much holding me back. Timing wise, it would probably be great if we could make that happen soon-ish.
The thing is, I sometimes wonder if it’s tempting fate. We have 2 healthy children. Beyond some 1st trimester spotting with Kendall and a chemical pregnancy and miscarriage before Leyna, I’ve had un-eventful, normal pregnancies (okay, so I ate rocks last time… but still). We’ve never experienced the heartache of losing a pregnancy (the chemical pregnancy was only known to me for one day, and, for me, wasn’t that big of an upset). We’ve never had to see our babies in a NICU. Both births have gone exceptionally well.
So sometimes I just think, why push it? Why put ourselves in a vulnerable position again? Truthfully, I could be happy with just Kendall and Leyna, but I don’t think having another baby would make me unhappy. No doubt, I know I would love them so much that I’d wonder how I could have ever imagined life without them.
Scott, though, is completely set on the idea of one more. He is not “done” with just the two we already have. He would be happy to have an entire bus-full, but 3 was the agreed upon number for a long time, and I know he’d at least like to have that.
When I envision our family in 10 years, there are 5 of us. I want to get there, and I do yearn to experience pregnancy just one more time. It’s just taking that leap, I guess. Agreeing to jump in again… agreeing to make ourselves vulnerable to all that one more time… agreeing to the uncertainty.
I so love what little certainty I find in my life these days.
Did you struggle with this when it came time to decide if you wanted to add one more child to your family? I don’t recall being this apprehensive last time.
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