We’ve reached the point in time when people are now openly asking us when we will have another baby. We’ve been quite open with everyone near us that we plan to have 3, so it’s natural for them to assume the 3rd will be announced any day now. Leyna is about the exact age Kendall was when I got pregnant with her.
And I had intended for them to be equally spaced apart.
But I’m just not there yet. I thought I would be, and it’s not like there’s much holding me back. Timing wise, it would probably be great if we could make that happen soon-ish.
The thing is, I sometimes wonder if it’s tempting fate. We have 2 healthy children. Beyond some 1st trimester spotting with Kendall and a chemical pregnancy and miscarriage before Leyna, I’ve had un-eventful, normal pregnancies (okay, so I ate rocks last time… but still). We’ve never experienced the heartache of losing a pregnancy (the chemical pregnancy was only known to me for one day, and, for me, wasn’t that big of an upset). We’ve never had to see our babies in a NICU. Both births have gone exceptionally well.
So sometimes I just think, why push it? Why put ourselves in a vulnerable position again? Truthfully, I could be happy with just Kendall and Leyna, but I don’t think having another baby would make me unhappy. No doubt, I know I would love them so much that I’d wonder how I could have ever imagined life without them.
Scott, though, is completely set on the idea of one more. He is not “done” with just the two we already have. He would be happy to have an entire bus-full, but 3 was the agreed upon number for a long time, and I know he’d at least like to have that.
When I envision our family in 10 years, there are 5 of us. I want to get there, and I do yearn to experience pregnancy just one more time. It’s just taking that leap, I guess. Agreeing to jump in again… agreeing to make ourselves vulnerable to all that one more time… agreeing to the uncertainty.
I so love what little certainty I find in my life these days.
Did you struggle with this when it came time to decide if you wanted to add one more child to your family? I don’t recall being this apprehensive last time.
We have 2 little girls ages 4.5 and 3. I thought by now we would have a 3rd. Neither of them were planned, we weren’t necessarily trying, but we weren’t NOT trying. So after our 2nd was born and I had 2 under the age of 2, I immediately went on birth control. Then after our “baby” turned 2, I was ready to start thinking about a 3rd. The older she got, the more I yearned for another baby. So one day we officially started trying. I was so excited, but at our 12 week appt we found out we lost the baby. Now I’m having an extremely difficult time on whether or not I want to try again. Now my “baby” is 3, and even if I was pregnant today they would be almost 4 years apart, as opposed to the first 2 being 18 months apart. It’s a constant battle everyday on whether or not I could handle the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy and the possibility of losing another baby again!
I have three aged 5,3, and 17 months. Honestly I felt the same way. I had two easy conceptions and births then a chemical (like you no biggie) and got pregnant with my third. I felt sure it was my turn for problems, I couldn’t possibly be lucky enough to have three so easily. However I did and my family is now complete. Good luck with your decision.
I have two teens and a toddler and I feel the same way. I don’t feel like our family is complete and I don’t want our little guy to grow up alone, but I don’t know if we can stay sane if we add any more. We are on the go with the teens all the time and it’s easy to take one toddler along, but I’m not sure about two. Big decision but they say you’ll never regret having more, you might regret it if you don’t. I am on the fence 50/50.
I couldn’t have said this any better. This sums up our situation nearly perfectly.
Yes, I felt this way, but not until deciding on the fourth. We chose to stop at three and love our family of five! And i had all three in three years. Go for it.
We have three, always said we’d have four. Now they’re 11, 9, and 3 and for ME, now is an optimal time to have #4. My husband is no longer interested in #4. It’s part age, part finances, part space, part NO MORE DAYCARE FEES, but I feel like I will always live with the desire for another and that’s an extremely unsettling thought. How does one get past it? How do you decide that we’re good with 3 (or, in my case, that I will respect my husband’s very sound reasoning and simply let it be?) We have three healthy children and in some ways I can’t imagine adding another because it’s hard enough finding individual time for any of them or dealing with all three at once, but my VISION, this family scene I’ve held so long in my head is simply of six of us.
Best of luck deciding (or letting something guide you). But I say if you aren’t there yet, give it some more time. Nothing wrong with them being spaced out differently than you originally wanted/thought they’d be. I always wanted mine less than 3 years apart and I do regret that there’s such a huge gap between them, but it’s working for us too. Follow your heart. And your body, hell, maybe your boobs want a bit of a break (and I’m giggling now).
We didn’t in adding our third after our twins, even though I had a terrible pregnancy with them. I went on to have an equally horrendous pregnancy with our youngest and we were still open to a 4th (our agreed upon number) after he was born. Three months later our twins were both diagnosed with autism which throws a huge wrench into everything. We’ve had 2 years of that diagnosis under our belts and we are feeling better about adding another. Our only obstacle right now is knowing I will most likely have another difficult pregnancy. If we can get past that we will dive right back in.
Yes, I struggled and I still am! My husband always wanted 2, I wanted 4- so we compromised on 3 and now that the 3rd is 8 months old, I know I am not done. We have struggled with the timing though. My eldest is 8 and her younger brother is almost 3. We never wanted a huge gap but the way things went (work, trying to conceive, life) meant that she was 5 before he was born. Unfortunately his birth did not go smoothly at all and the trauma of it really made us question having any more. Forunately my youngest was a complete surprise (and an elective section after 2 emergency sections, so a calm birth) and the small age gap is lovely. I am also not getting any younger so yes- I want more. I just need to convince my husband!
xx
For me, the best part of “accidentally” getting pregnant with my second daughter was not having to make this decision. We always said we wanted four but I’m not ready to keep going just yet. When these first two are in school, I think we’ll probably just have two more back to back. ( our first two are 19 months apart so the next two will prob be similarly spaced)
We have four kids, they are now ages 12-19. I think our 3rd and 4th babies were the easiest. By then, we were “experienced” and more laid back. They just fit right into our lives whereas our 1st, we fit ourselves into their lives…if that makes sense. I love having a “big” family – it’s often chaotic, noisy, and crazy but I love it. But, I know exactly what you mean about tempting fate. I always think about how blessed we are to have happy, healthy kids. Good luck to you!
I ponder this question every day and am largely in the same boat as you. I could be happy with the two I have now. My husband looks at me like I’m crazy when I mention a third, but we have often talked about how many kids we want and I always come back to three. I remind him that we were both perfectly happy with only one child, but now can’t imagine life without our second baby boy. Both of us come from two-child families (though my husband has three much older half sisters), and a three-child dynamic is something that we have never experienced. I also think about holidays and the amount of kids gathered around my table, and thinking about if one couldn’t be there then at least the other two would have a sibling or nieces or nephews around. Right now if my brother isn’t there for a holiday it’s just me. My parents are both part of large families, which makes holidays really fun, and I really want that kind of chaos for myself in the future.
[...] we’re considering maybe adding another baby to the chaos sometime soon-ish, which would make us a family of 5. We’re also coming up on 7 [...]
Go for it… You can be just as bat-shit crazy as I am! Sounds like a blast right?
I struggled with the decision to have baby # three for about 6 months. Did I really want to disrupt the family routines we have in place? Wouldn’t it be chaos? But ultimately we decided if we didn’t at least try for #3 we would regret it forever. Here I sit, newly pregnant. A little nervous but very happy.