I love reading to my kids. I love that my kids love that I read to them. I, generally, love children’s books.

Except for these, which I pulled out of various hiding places before photographing them while the kids are at school.

It’s 7:30, I’ve just finished the marathon that is making food while a toddler clings to my leg, screaming MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA, all while telling the 4 year old to “GET. OUT. OF. THE. REFRIGERATOR. I. AM. MAKING. DINNER.”  through my clenched teeth.

I don’t have the brain capacity to be making up words to books that should already have them.

::read in monotone, exhausted voice:: “Oh, look. The gorilla got the keys. The gorilla is letting the elephant out of the cage. And now he is letting the lion out of the cage. Oh my.”

This bunny is a punk. You know what, kid? You want to run away that bad, go ahead. I’m not going to transform into anything. I’m just going to be at home with all the food and the beds and stuff.

Oh sure, the story is supposed to be about how I will always love them, but isn’t this the ultimate in helicopter parenting? Aren’t we supposed to let them try to climb a mountain instead of stalking them until they give up and just stay home? You’re just setting yourself up for a 30 year old bunny in your basement, momma.

But seriously, what exactly does a walrus “bellowing” sound like and how do I make that noise? And a peacock “yelping”? And a hippopotamus “snorting”? This book makes me feel like a nonsensical idiot.

We got this from Ikea a few years ago. It’s educational, sure, but it’s the book that NEVER ends. There are always a million questions.

“Mommy, what is that?”
“That is Helsinki, home of…. paper making??”
“What is paper making?”
“Like, making paper.”
“Why do people make paper.”
“So we can make books.”
“Why do people make books?”
“To annoy me, apparently.” 

Why are “lift-flap” books made and marketed toward toddlers?

LOOK! UNDER HERE! Lift me up with your very gentle toddler touch. 
Oh no! You ripped me right the fuck off. Go cry “Uh oh!” over and over to your mom!
When you’re done with your hysterics, you can just go ahead and eat the piece of me you just tore off.  

I know you’re hiding books at this very moment, too. Spill it. Which ones?

 

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155 thoughts on “Books I Hide From My Children”

  1. LMAO! My daughter loves Goodnight Gorilla. I totally feel you on the having to make up the words thing. I just turn the pages and have her tell me the story.

    I hide any books that make noise. You know, the ones with the buttons that make the most annoying sounds ever at certain parts of the story? Or play music. Hell no!

    1. One of Kendall’s fav’s is a book that plays music and makes us sing with it. I could stab it, and have hidden it for periods of time, but he loves it so much he’ll tear the house apart looking for it.

  2. “Fuzzy Yellow Duckings”. Totally adore it. It’s beautiful, it’s fuzzy, sticky, scratchy… But the flaps!! Yup, he just tries to rip them off.

  3. I hide the really long books. Especially at bedtime. And the touchy-feely books if I’m reading to both of them. Those just turn into a fight over how gets to touch the bobbly monster nose first.

  4. That Atlas looks evil!

    Goodnight Moon. Sorry, I know it’s a classic but I just can’t get on board with it. Goodnight mush?! Also The Tiger Who Came To Tea. Loved it as a kid. Constant reading to my toddler has ruined it forever. Oh so a *tiger* came and drank all daddy’s beer, did he? Hmmmmm.

    I almost emailed the Gruffalo publishers to complain about how flimsy the lifting flaps were in Rabbit’s Nap. But then I realised I had actually gone insane.

  5. I dread the day when my daughter can actually read and finally figures out that I’m only reading the first two sentences of some of those long ass picture books. Yea, I’m talking to you Disney!

  6. “Oh no! You ripped me right the fuck off. Go cry “Uh oh!” over and over to your mom!”

    This nonsense was the bane of my existence for a solid two years. It finally got to the point where I would just encourage him to rip the pages to shit on the way home from the bookstore to save the hassle of the inevitable meltdown. Genius, really. They should just perforate those damn flaps.

  7. I got three copies of Love You Forever at my baby shower. That book is creepy. She stalks her adult son and cuddles him in bed? WTF?

    Also, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, because that ungrateful a-hole mouse keeps making demands and never says thank you. Punk.

    1. hurrah! i too am totally creeped out by Love You Forever! when we were gifted with a copy, i gave it away. plus , the Giving Tree. i know it is a much beloved classic, but i loathe it. that boy/man/old guy just takes and takes, and never acknowledges the sacrifices of the tree. selfish twerp.

      and i hide Fancy Nancy and Pinkalicious, just on general principle. they were gifts once she was old enough to have done the unwrapping herself, and i can’t find a way to get rid of them without incident 🙂 despite my hiding, she always finds them.

  8. Any of the old golden books – they are way too wordy for the kids and i’m so bored, I lose my place and get all distracted. I SO agree on all of the ones you mentioned. Especially the lift the flap. Flaps were made for ripping, right?

  9. I hate Goodnight Gorilla. HATE. IT.

    I have a box set of Give a Mouse a Cookie, Give a Pig a Party, Give Momma an effing Xanax, etc… I used to have to hide them because Madison wanted them read over and over and over and over.

    Now on the other hand I’ll be sad when my kids don’t like Boynton because I could read those books all day long.. quick, easy and funny.

  10. The Little Fur Family, because ours is FURRY, and it’s a really weird story. And The Little Engine that Could, because we can’t stand the story (why on earth do the girls and boys need the stuff that’s on *this* train?! do they not have grocery stores or amazon?!).

    The Runaway Bunny is a creepy story, as is Goodnight Moon, but we haven’t bothered to hide them yet.

  11. I hide all the Eric Carle books. I hate them so much. What I don’t understand is why I hide them rather than just throwing them out (or giving them away) because they always seem to resurface.

  12. Omg I’m dying over the last “flap book” paragraph! Totally true! I hide the Lift and Look foam books…the ones with the animals. Here, take your pudgy toddler finger to try and lift it out, only you can’t so you scream, so mom does it for you, then chew on the horse, try to put it back but wait! Scream some more because you can’t get it in just right and OHMYGODWILLITEVEREND!

  13. Go Away Big Green Monster. Not only have we read it 1 billion times, but she likes to stick her hand in the monster’s mouth or eyes or ears or hair and pretend it hurt her finger so that I have to kiss her finger on every single page! Also she likes to pull on the cutouts until they tear. Then look at me and say “I tear up.” No remorse. Just plain honest truth. Or she grabs the Disney piano book that isn’t a story at all. Then when I sing along, tells me “No that singing.”

  14. I’m laughing to myself, alone in the house, SO GLAD I’m not alone! I despise The Runaway Bunny, too! I hide The Cat in the Hat. I don’t care what a classic it may be, it gives the kids too many ideas. Same with Good Night, Spot. Spot needs to just get in his bed and stay there!

    1. Yes I second the idea giving books. We had one called “are you ready for bed?” and it was about a bunny that kept sneaking out of bed. I gave it away. Who makes a book like that for children? What’s next? A book about a little mouse who figures out the child locks on the medicine cabinet? Sheesh.

  15. Haha so relived I’m not the only one- I freaking hate Goodnight Gorilla. I’m also anti-any book that has more than 10 words per page and/or more than 15 pages, especially at bed time. My kids are *awesome* at picking out the longest books for their bed time story…

  16. Yes, oh God yes Goodnight Gorilla.
    Also, Little Engine that Could – look close – the toys for children include jackknives!
    Little Loon and Papa. The story is fine, but then you have to make a moose noise and a weird loon noise. like aHAOOOooooooo!
    All three of those are from teh Dolly Parton library, and though I usually adore getting those books in the mail, a few have been a miss.

  17. I’m so surprised at all the Goodnight Gorilla haters out there. Love that book. Now, all we say is, “Goodnight, Elephant,” “Goodnight, Lion.” So it’s short and sweet. We love looking through the details of the drawing, it’s interesting to see what she notices.

    There is another book by the same author, “Ten Minutes til Bedtime” which is an extreme version. Simple words, ‘Ten minutes til bedtime” “Nine minutes til bedtime” etc. so it’s easy as hell to read, but man, there is so much in the drawings, the kid can be entertained just looking at those, too.

  18. I love Goodnight Gorilla and Runaway Bunny. Love. I HATE Polar Bear Polar Bear and Brown Bear Brown Bear. And I might be an English teacher but there was some dumb basketball book that made its way into my house and after stabbing myself in the eyeballs upon reading it for the 293020 time, that thing found its way to the trash can.

  19. My kids are not even close to being old enough for any lift flap or pop up book. They are not designed for a child under the age of 10. I refuse to read the old school Curious George books. Those are SOOO LONG! I counted one day, one of the stories was 62 pages. Seriously! That is a novelette!

    1. Curious George Rides a Bike… but on the way he delivers newspapers, gets distracted by the river, makes boats (with special instructions), breaks the bike, goes to an animal show, gets in the animal show, gets kicked out of the animal show, performs an instrument extraction from the throat of an ostrich, rescues a bear, and gets back in the animal show. All while the man with the yellow hat doesn’t notice he’s missing and I’m trying to get my kid to sleep!!

  20. Totally feeling your pain about Good Night, Gorilla especially and the lift-flap books, but we also hate any recordable book since my 22 month-old knows how to delete the recordings and push the play button over and over and over so all we ever hear is the first line of whatever page we open the book to!

  21. I hid a book called Happy Birthday Moon. There is an echo voice within the text and it just annoys me, I couldn’t stand reading it anymore,

  22. LIFT THE FLAP BOOKS ARE THE DEVIL!!! Seriously. Not only does my toddler rip them apart, but my DOG does, as well. I kid you not. I should have taken a picture of the disastrous mess we came home to. Ugh.

  23. Oh yes, we are book hiders. Currently hate all the inane Disney princess movie ripoff books. I actually MISS the runaway bunny, mostly because of the part where she says “become the wind and blow me”. My husband and I giggle at that like 12 year olds.

  24. I absolutely hated the Llama llama books. That llama is a disobedient, crashes a store then gets an ice cream? SMH That Little llama throws a tantrum in every book yet he always gets treated for it. Who wants to teach that trait to kids? We stick with chapter books. A child’s listening age is 2-3 years more advanced than their reading age. By 3 you should start transitioning to 1st-2nd grade level reading books and keep moving up. 🙂

  25. Spot on with the flap books! My daughter will only let us get through goodnight moon! Everyother book she flips faster than we can read, and flips back and forth usually mid-sentence, then looks at you like “why aren’t you reading?”

  26. most definitely the ones with no real words or any sort of actual story and a million questions.

    oh and we have this one with eleventy bazillion words and pictures in english and spanish and while I’m sure it’s wonderful to introduce my children to a vocabulary in a second language, reading that many mundane words (nose! nariz!) makes me want to send the damn thing down the shredder.

    why are these the ones that the kids want to read over and over? why?

  27. I hide all the puzzle books. I mean, seriously? Who needs another hundred of little pieces all over their living-room floor? And sorting through all of them to figure out which one goes on which page. Drives me nuts!

  28. Right now I pretty much move any book that has a dustcover to a higher spot because The Precious loves tearing dustjackets to pieces. Library books are carefully read together and then put out of reach. Even so, she has torn a few pages. I don’t really hide any books from her due to content yet, but then she is only 13 months old. While I know what you mean about the lift-the-flap books, she loves them so much that I do too, just wish they were sturdier. Ours are all still intact but judging by the state of her board books, that won’t last long!
    As to reading tongue-twisting books, I enjoy it way too much. Skippyjon is one of my favorites–so cute!– but he does wear me out. That Spanglish is pretty hard to read! If the author had just used English or Spanish it would be a heck of a lot easier. And I don’t speak Spanish! Bumbleito makes me stumbleito every time. I read all sorts of things to The Precious, though. Some of our favourites are poems and stories by Tolkien–in fact, the first book she ever heard was The Silmarilion. If you are like me and actually love non-Spanglish tongue-twisters, get a copy of The Tolkien Reader. It has a poem that is SO much fun to read out loud, especially if you try it really fast!
    There is one kind of book I refuse to have though: the ones with all of the buttons that make noises. The kids I have seen do not push the buttons when the book tells them to; they just mash buttons for the fun of making racket until the batteries die and the book is basically useless. The Precious is quite welcome to bang a drum or make loud vrooming noises, but I can’t take that electronic cacophony.

  29. Am I the only who hates the “look and find books”. Disney should be cursed for those! Try to explain to a three year old why these aren’t the kind of books we “read” for bed time. I ended up with little people demanding I “find” Mrs Potts and Lumierre. I have known where they are for two years and so do they but for some reason they still love them. Not to mention they are too freaking big to hide. I save my sanity by convincing the two three year olds to read them to each other while I think about important things like where did I leave my Bluetooth and am I going to eat a piece of chocolate when I get them in bed. Some books should come with a self destruct feature.

    I thankfully don’t even own Goodnight Gorilla, or Runaway Bunny but am totally in love with Sandra Boynton books especially Belly Button Beach. Llama llama red pajama is great because the mama llama gets to scold him for throwing such a tizzy! I keep hoping my kids pick up on that.

  30. Had to go crack open a sealed box in the garage to answer this one. Brer Rabbit – Can we say old school discipline and mean antics? Someday – Because it is so sappy that I cry and my kids get upset. All Christmas books – You shouldn’t have to read them when it is not Christmas. Obviously. Pinkalicious – Barfing just at the name. Cars & Trucks and Things that Go (Richard Scary) is one that I unsuccessfully try to hide… My kids LOVE it, but there is no really solid storyline and I feel like I spend all my time answering questions about pickle cars and where is Goldbug.

  31. Skippyjohn Jones tops my list. My two-year-old asks for it constantly and it takes ages to read, plus all the tongue twister phrasing, on-the-fly dialects, etc… it exhausts me.

  32. The last one had me laughing so hard. People keep giving my daughter those little flap books and all I could think was “are you f-ing kidding?” She has ripped the pages on every single one. Luckily she doesn’t seem to mind.

  33. We have this book of animals from the 70s that my grandma gave my daughter. It has like 20 animals a page each with the name in English AND Spanish. My daughter wants me to read each and every animal name exactly like this : “What is this? (she responds) Yes it’s a moose, In Spanish we say Alce de America”
    She totally calls me out for skipping pages or an animals on the page. She is a master bedtime postponer already at age 3.

  34. that’s so funny, although BTW a peacock yelping sounds like a woman screaming help (like she’s been raped)… it’s a horrible noise, please don’t make that noise for your kids.. 😉

  35. Wait until they bring home library books from school and you are totally at their mercy! Our daughter brings home only Barbie books, which is hilarious because she has never owned a Barbie, and they SUCK. Sometimes my husband changes the words and adds cleverly disguised disparaging sidenotes when she stops paying attention.

  36. I had to comment on this one. I freaking hide “Oh Say Can You Say, DINOSAURS and Over and Under the Snow” These two books are long and my goodness, my daughter is at a stage where she is reading on her own, please go figure (she is only 3), and so it takes us forever, as she singles out each words. I used to hate “Amy Giggles” I got from Blissdom, but she knows the words and story back to back now that we get through it fast enough. I am doing better in the Dinosaur realm of things but ‘Over and Under the Snow” is one I admit I should have waited till she is at least in grade school.

    A little trick I learned which sometimes work is to skip pages by flipping two pages at a time, my daughter calls me out on this when she really knows the story or is paying attention, but I still give it a try!

  37. The Foot Book, Peek-a-Who, Go-Go BoBo Opposites, and Where’s Babys’ Bellybutton flap book…..she’s 18 months old, and pulls out ALL the stops, including signing and pleading “peas, peas, peas”, frantically signing “more”, and saying “mama” all while whining….talented little one! But those books needed a time-out, for a long, long time
    LOVE that I am not the only one who hides them! I am so happy my daughter loves her books, but sometimes, I just cannot bring myself to say “left foot, left foot, right foot, right” one more time….

  38. I threw away the tigger (Winnie The Pooh) book where Tigger bounces all over. It ended with “Tigger bounced Eeyore right into the pond. Tigger bounced home.” Asshole.
    I also hide books that look like they were illustrated in MSpaint and written by a computer.

  39. Ha ha. I purchased the Great Picture Atlas book for my niece a few years ago. It’s gone ‘missing’.
    Now that she’s 8, I think it’s time to find it again, so she can annoy my brother some more with it. 😉

  40. Fox in Socks and the Cat in the Hat – seriously, why are they so damn long?? And any book that make noise. We have a Thomas the Train book that has a steering wheel and about 10 horn/song buttons on it, and kids are supposed to press the buttons in the appropriate place in the story. Yeah right. They make me want to lose my mind. When the batteries started to die, it sounded like Thomas was sick or drunk. May I never have to read that book again.

  41. Those stupid Carl the dog books with no words!!!!!!! I’m WAAAAY too tired for that nonsense at bedtime … or I’ve had one glass of wine too many and can’t properly formulate thoughts 😉

    And the Grouchy Ladybug. Seriously despise that one, with it’s tiny little pages that are impossible to hold while taming a wiggly toddler.

    Oh oh oh AND Green Eggs and Ham. I used to love it but I cannot bring myself to repeat the same words over and over and over again anymore!!

  42. I’m getting such a kick out of this post, and all of the comments. I really thought I was the only one who felt that way about “Goodnight Gorilla.” When I sighed at the prospect of having to read it to my daughter just this evening, my husband looked at me quizzically. Don’t get me wrong- I don’t actually hate the book. It’s a nice concept, and I can appreciate all of the interesting detail. I’ll admit, I discover something new each time I really look at it. However, when I had it lying around the playroom, it meant that I could be potentially reading it ten times a day, and each time, I’d have to come up with the actual narrative. Too much work, when I barely have the energy to read a story in the first place, half the time. Now it’s up in the bedroom, where it is a sometime bedtime book. A slightly better situation, since I have a strict one-time-only rule for reading books just before bed, but at that point, I’m tired, and ready for the after-the-kids-are-in-bed temporary peace. I’m ready to turn my brain off, not on.

    One book that I really do hate, though? “Fox In Socks.” That, and “The Story of Babar.” Not only are the tenses in it weird, it has not one, but two, deaths. My daughter, being only 22 months, has no concept of death yet, but it creeps me out to be reading about it to her so casually. I think I’ll be permanently putting that book away soon.

  43. I don’t really hide any (except for “The Little Engine That Could” – I LOATHE that book). But I refuse to read most Dr. Suess because they are too damn long. But my husband will read them so…

  44. Oh yeah, we’ve definitely hidden a few books in our day…Goodnight Gorilla even!

    We have two boys, 4 and 2, and they freaking LOVE the Octonauts (the show and the books) but oh my gosh they would read the same 3 Octonauts books every single night if I didn’t hide them on occasion. There’s only so much Frown Fish a mom can take.

    Freaking lift a flaps. They’re the worst.

  45. I don’t despise Goodnight Gorilla but Goodnight Moon had to go!! For some reason I had not one but 3 copies. Such a boring book and I found my kids weren’t into it either.

    1. I thought I wasn’t allowed to hate Goodnight Moon. Seriously, why does everyone else love that stupid book? My kids couldn’t care less about it, thank heavens. It’s dumb, I don’t get it. Thank you for admitting you hate it too.

  46. My daughter LOVES to read her “Cooper Books” which are just yearly shutterfly books of her life. I hate them. I spent HOURS making them so she can have them to remember when she is OLDER. I do not need to nightly relive every second of her 4 years.

  47. My mom bought my toddler a book completely written in Japanese. I have a second grade reading level (maybe) in Japanese….he wants me to read it to him over and over again. Wtf? He doesn’t understand a word! I hid it in the garage.

  48. I have hidden that damn Gorilla book, too. And JUST TONIGHT as I was reading The Best Next for the four millionth time, I thought, “I should hide this bad boy.” So, note to self.

  49. The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales. Annoying! But at least the author lets us know that it’s “stupid” in the title!

  50. I like Goodnight Gorilla. I want to hide Five Little Monkeys – its like six stories in one big book, we have to read “Nothing To Do” every single night and I can’t take it anymore. I try to just let my husband read to them because I can’t take all the questions and interruptions

  51. “do you want to be my friend” by eric carle. Also a book with NO WORDS! And my son loves it. He calls it the snake book and when he asks for it I tell him “the snake book is sleeping, lets read dr. seuss”

  52. I so have hidden books, and also secretly donated them. And also removed whole sections of very long Dr. Suess books my kids want to read (the Sleep book, anyone?). Not literally ripped them out (though tempting) but tried to turn more than one page at a time without them noticing, and shorted paragraphs to a few sentence (they won’t know until they learn to read).

    And no kidding about Polar Bear! Why oh why does the one with all the farm animals like cows and chickens and ducks only talk about what they see…but no, the one where they “hear” the animal noises is of the zoo with animals that flute and bellow and trumpet (doesn’t help that my husband CAN do an awesome elephant sound…just makes my kids disappointed when I don’t). Maybe they have an iPad version where the animals make the noises themselves.

  53. We have that same lift the flap book and that looks just about right. Worse is that some of the words are printed on the flaps that are scattered around the house. I mean, I know the body parts and can make up a rhyme, but it would be much easier if it were intact. All our lift the flap books like that…*sigh*.

  54. wait. you’re supposed to make the SOUNDS of the animals in “Poler Beer Book”? Wow. You are a better mom than me. Fail. And you know what? EFF that Atlas book. I wish remembered who gave that as a gift so that I can punch them in the face. That one comes with a minimum 5 year commitment – probably more. Thank you. I need some wine.

  55. How funny! I think it’s so funny how different people are with books. I agree with you on lift-the-flap books but with books that make the kids ask questions, I LOVE. Why? Because then they’re coming up with stuff to talk about rather than just whining or asking me to make up stories. We would love that pictorial atlas. I might just have to pick it up. Anything by Richard Scary is the same way. We love it! 🙂

    The book I have hidden (maybe we threw it away) is “Julian, Baby of the World.” It was given to us when our second child was born and is about a little girl who doesn’t like her baby brother. She imagines all these awful things happening to the baby and has nightmares and what-not, then someone makes fun of her brother and she decides she likes him after all. Our daughter had no problems with disliking the baby (though the adjustment was still hard) and we didn’t want to give her any ideas.

  56. My mom found my favorite lift the flap book and gave it to my 1 1/2 y/o. One flap was missing by the time she got it. Now, because it’s an early 80’s paper book, three flaps are missing and the front and back pages fell off. I’m not only hiding it, I’m refusing to shell out $80 for the cheapest replacement I found on eBay.

  57. I’m probably going to have tomatoes thrown at me, but I cannot stand, “I’ll love you Forever” or whatever the book is where the mom sings to her baby every night, then as he’s a kid, then a teen, then stalks him as an adult (climbing into his window to rock him as a grown man – um, hello Oedipus??), and then he returns the favor as she grows older. I could have handled it if she didn’t sneak into his room as an adult…but that one creeps me out. (And, in the picture, she has a LADDER attached to her CAR!!)

    1. OMG! That book creeps me out so much too! My mil gave it to us when we had our son, and I guess it was my husband’s when he was little (she wrote in it too). There is something so ‘off’ about that book….but I’m not sure where to hide it. The end is so depressing too, arg!

    2. Oh my gosh! I read that book to a kid I was baby sitting once and I just kept thinking w…t…f!? My mom joked she was going to give it to me and my sisters when we had kids (she didn’t) because we all thought it was just so effing creepy!!

  58. While I love Dr. Seuss, sweet Jesus those books are long a fuck and I feel like an idiot reading them. Goodnight Gorilla – look for the balloon in all the pages but yeah it sucks.

  59. While I don’t mind Pinkalicious, it is my daughter’s favorite books, I cannot stand the follow ups – Purpleicious, Goldalicious and Silvericious.

  60. I happen to love Runaway Bunny. But I am also someone who yells, “I love you no matter what!” at my husband when he is furious with me, elevating the situation ten-fold.

    FUCK lift-the-flap books. My toddler doesn’t get too upset when he rips them, but he does go all OCD and have to rip off any piece that isn’t lying perfectly flat. So one flap gets ripped and the whole damn book gets pulled to shreds and it never ends. He is the same way with bindings that come undone or when the cardboard starts to separate. Apparently I will be buying entire new sets of books for every child. The heirloom books (that were mine and my husband’s as kids) are on high shelves.

    Oh, wait, I DID hide a book. I just hid it so well that I forgot all about it. Blue’s Clues. Blue’s Clues lift-the-flap hell of a book. With the tiniest, thinnest, impossible-for-my-adult-fingers-to-peel-up flaps. And, you know, it’s fucking Blue’s Clues.

  61. My mom used to hide “He Bear, She Bear” Berenstein Bears book from my brother and me. But she said we ALWAYS found it and it would magically reappear.

  62. I laughed when I saw “Polar Bear, Polar Bear…” because holy crap, the animals in that one (and their sounds) are so irritating. The author should’ve stopped while he was ahead with Brown Bear.

    Some new ones that I’ve already started hating are Amelia Bedelia and Clifford the Big Red Dog. Why? Well, because it is a pain in the ass to have to say “Amelia Bedelia” for each of the eleventy-billion times her name is mentioned in each book. Eight syllables? Please, IT’S BEDTIME. And “Emily Elizabeth” in Clifford is nearly as mind-numbing.

  63. I just told my husband the title of this post, and then asked him, “Guess what the first book pictured was?” Immediate response, “Goodnight Gorilla” That book was recently, ahem. lost in our recent move…

  64. Just found you through CM and OMG, you’re hilarious. 🙂 I totally hide “The Pokey Little Puppy” That book just takes forever to read. Oy. And I ditto your comment about the flap books. Geez, what a silly idea. No flap book has survived my toddlers.

  65. This entire site just made my day!

    I have hidden numerous Power Ranger books (and movies) for obvious reasons but mostly because I was truly disturbed when I realized I knew what a Megazord was and started referring to the Rangers by their first names. Thankfully my shopaholic mom replaced every single one…..yay.
    Thanks for making me laugh! My kids are 6 and 7 now and I have a new baby…..who will NOT be getting any Lift-A-Flap books because I have already experienced that hell 🙂

  66. Yeah – there are numerous books that i have made up abbreviated words to go with each page to make the books go faster. You know what sucks? When grandma visits and reads the real words and then mommy gets called out by toddler 1 and toddler 2!

  67. Any book that makes noise is a goner. Why does Elmo’s book about dancing and eating cookies have to be SO. DAMN. LOUD. No, son, I will not read the noisy potty book at bedtime. Nor do I want to read the search and find Super Hero book, or the nursery rhyme book from the 50’s with a little story about a tar baby (This was a book of my mom’s as a child). And Goodnight Gorilla can kiss my ass.

  68. We have that EXACT flip book. When I walked in the door last night, Lilly sulked over to me and said “Mommy, I broked a book.” I asked her which one and she pointed to that one.Then she says with her head lowered, “I sorry Mommy.” These books should come with parental advisory warning on them. I am shocked it too her this long to destroy it.

  69. We had to hide the Dr. Sears Potty book when our older son was going through potty training. He was ready early (22 months) but many other parts of him were not caught up to the physical ability – like his ability to think. He kept having accidents but they seemed intentional. I asked him, in a fit of total exasperation, why he kept peeing on the floor. He ran to his room, got out his book, flipped through to the right page then showed me where it said it was OK to have accidents. We have to be very careful about stuff, he’s quite literal.

  70. Yes, totally agree about those flapbooks – none of our flapbooks have their flaps anymore, yet he still wants to read them. “Where is baby’s pumpkin” is really a let down because we have no idea where that damn pumpkin is because you ripped that flap out of the book. And my mom gave me a bunch of books from when I was a kid – I can’t stand the book Babies by Gyo Fugikawa – it has a line that goes “sometimes babies are good and sometimes they’re naughty, but good or bad all babies like be snuggled and cuddled and loved”. I hate that line. Babies aren’t naughty, they’re just exploring this crazy world. And it only shows babies drinking from bottles, which pisses me off.

  71. Haha we have that same lift-the-flap, similarly destroyed. But one lift-the-flap that has beaten all the odds and held up for almost 5 years now, and is also not a bad read- Dear Zoo. That one has some quality construction.

    As for books I hide- we have this stupid ass set from the dollar store that were gifts from grandparents… These animals that play games like hide-and-seek, and Red Light Green Light. I freaking hate them, even if the fact that the animals have names like Scatter and Fanny makes me laugh every time we read the damn things.

  72. just anything that has actual *paper* pages. Also, I try to not let her see the cat in the hat before bed because that book just goes on forever! luckily she is still young enough I can skip a bunch of pages haha.

  73. Have You Filled a Bucket Today?: A Guide to Daily Happiness. Worst. Book.Ever! My middle child got it for Christmas. I read it once and was ready to shoot myself in the face 4 pages in. I finished reading it & threw that piece of crap in the recycle bin. I also hate those push the button to make annoying sounds books.

  74. We are about to hide a bunch of Yo Gabba Gabba books. They take an episode of the hyper-imaginative show and slap it onto seemingly endless, boring pages. It’s the children’s book version of going on a 3 day Pixy Stix bender while in traction.

  75. Just discovered this post, but man, as infant/toddler teacher, I am so sick of almost all of the books we have in our classroom. All I am grateful for is the kids are still young enough that hiding them underneath the shelf and then going “Oh, no I don’t know where the truck book is!” works. For now at least.

    So looking forward to month end when I can change out books for a new theme… that I will grow to hate and dread about two days into the month.

  76. Sandra Boynton’s “OOOO Snuggle Puppy”. I hate this book. Of course my son loves it. So I hide it but it always comes back.

  77. We have that lift the flap book and every page is torn. Every single one. I have hid/given away all of our pop up books because so many pieces are broken or missing. Only to have my son ask for one specifically and my husband chastised me for getting rid of it. I also hid a book about different vehicles. That’s a tractor. That’s a different kind of tractor. That’s another tractor. Why? What does it do? What do they do with the hay? You think I know?! I grew up in the city. Ask your dad.

  78. Lord help me, the Little Golden Book version of Old MacDonald. I’m statistical proof that a human can only sing Old MacDonald (and of COURSE the book must be SUNG) so many times per day before losing her mind. Old MacDonald (which my husband and I have to call the “aging Scottish farmer” to keep our 2 year old in the dark) really needs to downsize his animal collection.

  79. We have this exact lift the flap book. The lollipop flap didn’t last but a day before that got yanked off and tantrum due to not being allowed to eat the paper ensued, and also, I find this particular one annoying. I also came pretty close to hiding Llama Lllama Halloween but luckily that holiday ended and I put it away with the decorations, where it’s safely hidden for another year.

    1. There is a Llama Llama Halloween book??? I thought we had all of them. I generally like them all, but could do without reading red pajama every night for a while.

  80. We have a few books that disappear every now and then. But one was called “Good Dog, Carl.” A wordless story of a mom leaving her Rottweiler to watch her baby for the night. I tried to make it more fun by reading it as if the dog kept trying to get rid of the baby. You know, for my sanity.

  81. One on Noah’s Arc ( A friend of the family gave it to us not knowing that we aren’t religious ), The very nice little old lady and her 100 dogs (yes you read out the dogs names…THREE TIMES!!!!!), lullaby moon ( so cute the first 20 times), any seasonal book out of season, a book I picked up in a liquidation store “The sheep SNEAKED into the barn”, green eggs and ham (way too long), up, up, down, and Disney stories made into books “kiddo you’ve watched the movie, you do not need to hear the book tell the EXACT same story with pictures from the movie”. We are big readers and sometimes we just don’t have the funds to update our book shelf so books get read a few too many times.

  82. Aw, this was an extremely good post. Finding the time and actual effort to produce a superb article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.

  83. et oui, non seulement c'est ahurissant mais ça n'a rien à voir avec la religion… Sous couvert de "le prophète l'a dit", les opinions personnelles les plus extrémistes deviennent normales et véhiculables en public…@Astrid: ouais ouais ouais, parce que tu nous dis TOUT peut être toi??

  84. that, I appologize, because I can not give credence to your entire idea, all be it refreshing none the less. It would seem to me that your opinions are actually not entirely validated and in reality you are yourself not really totally confident of the point. In any case I did take pleasure in examining it.

  85. Excellent ! Superb work. At least now who are all against this should come to one conclusion. We can’t deny some parts may be needed to remove. But, not the entire thing. We all forget one thing, all the syllabuses are made by some experts. Not by Vetrikondan, Sarav etc… But, look at the committee formed now.

  86. Grandparents love giving my toddler books that make noise. So of course those are the ones she wants to take to bed with her, and instead of hearing the sweet sounds of snoring coming through the baby monitor, I hear “moooOoooOOO! Snort snort! Cockadoodledoooooo!” for 45 minutes. 😐

  87. My mom buys ones at the dollar store that make So Much Noise. Some of them also have flaps. They have to go, as quickly as possible, along with the styrofoam balls my kid likes to eat.

  88. My husband has refused to read The Rainbow Fish because he says it’s Communist propaganda.

    “Why does everyone have to have an equal number of shiny scales? Why can’t he just be beautiful?”

    (Mostly sarcasm.)

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