The first time it happened, I was like, “OMG! That is so crazy! What a freak incident to pee on a gecko! I hope that NEVER happens again.”

The second time it happened, I was like, “No way. Seriously? What are the odds? So glad I got a video so people will believe me.”

The third time I found a gecko in our toilet, last night, I was like, “THAT’S IT. This is legitimately freaking me the hell out. I AM NEVER USING THAT TOILET EVER AGAIN. This is an infestation. WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM??”

Seriously, people. WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM? I checked everywhere. They’re not falling from some gecko colony in our ceiling that I can tell. There doesn’t seem to be a gecko condominium set up behind our toilet that is using the bowl as it’s fucking pool. We are not seeing them scurrying about from the toilet to any other place in the bathroom. They just show up randomly floating in the toilet.

The only place that I just remembered I haven’t checked is way the hell up under the inside lip of the toilet bowl. Holy crap. You guys? What if there is like a mega gecko under there that keeps breeding the babies we keep finding in the toilet? Because all three have been on the small side.

I AM NEVER USING A TOILET AGAIN.

This post has excessive caps lock going on, but in my head, in real life, I AM REALLY SCREAMING THESE THINGS.

WHY????

Edited to add: For REAL NIGHTMARES, click here. Thanks, Haley. Thanks a lot.

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42 thoughts on “But Seriously, WHY Are There Geckos In My Toilet?”

  1. Geckos don’t really seem like the brightest creatures. You would think the first one would have warned the others. If someone said to me “Dude, don’t go in there, I totally got pissed on!” I think I would pay attention. Stupid geckos.

  2. I’m laughing my ass off because when I moved to Texas, I was unaware that geckos just like houses. I also lived in a house that the geckos loved the toilet, there is nothing worse than having one run across your bare ass while trying to pee! (true story) I was quickly in the habit of checking the toilet before going after that incident.

    1. AH, THAT IS THE SCARIEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD! (And I was dive bombed by a BAT while peeing in my house one time, and another time a mouse scurried under the bathroom door and ran at my feet, and don’t even get me started on ROACHES in bathrooms! So it’s not like I’m a stranger to creepy animals attacking while peeing. But on your BUTT??? AHHHHHHHHH!)

  3. I will NOT click on that link. I WILL NO! Ain’t nary a bit o’ good can come from me clicking something called weirdworm. OMG I HAVE THE HEEBIE JEEBIES NOW just thinking about geckos and worms and pee and forgetting late one night about the toilet ban and the gecko breeder being in the toilet GEE THANKS

  4. With the nearly nation-wide drought…maybe they’re just thirsty and think your toilet is the Mecca of water? I feel for you though…. this same scenario, but with spiders, is exactly why I will NOT use the toilet at my uncles camp.

  5. I made the mistake of clicking on the link, why on why did I do that? The gecko thing already freaks me out…I am 20 weeks pregnant and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. Now I HAVE to turn the light on to check the toilet. I figured I was fine living in STL since we don’t have a gecko problem around here and then saw a friend on FB had a snake in their toilet. Good luck getting the gecko problem under control!

  6. OMG I would totally die…. I’ve went so far as to plastic wrap a lizard behind a bookshelf in my living room while I was pregnant so it wouldn’t get out into my house. Sadly, when I got home from picking up my kids from school, it had eaten through the plastic wrap so I had to search for it again…not something a preggo who’s terrified of lizards should be doing. Needless to say hubby went lizard hunting when he got home that night. Ugh I get chills just thinking about it.

  7. This sounds absolutely terrifying to me. It’s one of those times that I don’t mind living in the frigid state of Maine. We may only have 8 weeks of flip flop weather a year, but at least lizards and giant bugs don’t creep into my house. (The occasional mouse, sure, but lizards?!)

  8. ahhh, they harmless! Shouldn’t freak out about them. It’s not like a scorpion or water roaches. I love Kendall’s imagination, though! It is a bit weird they like the toilet.

  9. We have a few coming in and out of our bathroom too. One ran completely across my foot Sunday night and I almost shat myself. I don’t know what it is about North Texas and Geckos!

  10. OMG – Google geckos in toilet and check out the images. There are gecko-themed toilets. Literally painted on the actual toilet seat and bowl.

  11. As much as it sucks I think I would rather they be in the toilet than actually running rampant in my house. I am a toilet checker expert – I always look before I pee – ever since I found a scorpion floating in my toilet as a teen. Anyway, at least with them in the toilet you can just flush them away without actually having to chase or catch them! Several years ago I held a lizard captive in my home office by shoving towels under the door and then called my husband at his office screaming like a little girl and begging him to come home to catch the damn thing. He laughed. He did not come home immediately. The lizard got out and I actually picked up the baby and left for the rest of the day.

    Now I have three boys and the oldest two will happily catch lizards and bugs so that mommy stops screaming!

  12. First, our bathroom walls are the same color and second, maybe the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles started out this way. You could have a children’s book goldmine in your toilet!

  13. Im wondering after reading this and it being the same toilet..do you always flush the damn thing? Maybe it gets stuck halfway down then comes up? Then maybe it had had enoug h and turned up dead this last time? Totally creepy and thank goodness that I live up in Canada and all we have to worry about is grizzly bears when visiting the outhouse while camping. Never happened, just totally a fear of mine 🙂

  14. Do you have a cat? Not that that would be a normal place for a cat to leave a gecko… is the toilet lid generally up? Maybe start leaving it down? Creepy!

  15. Honestly, I really love geckos. I had a pet gecko and was so sad when it died; I even have a gecko tattoo. They don’t visit our home in central CA, so I’m kinda jealous of you all that get them regularly. They eat bugs and they don’t really bite, so why so scary? Is it the toilet-surprise part? I’m all for killing scary spiders and ants and (god forbid) earwigs and centipedes though.

    1. It’s seriously just the fact that they are popping up in my toilet. I’ve been around geckos most of my life (they were 100x worse when we lived in Hawaii), and it’s not that I’m scared of them, it’s that I don’t want them in my toilet, inches away from my bare ass.

      1. Hmmm….flushing probably isn’t the best way to get rid of them, though. Most lizards are pretty good swimmers, which may be why you keep finding them (probably the same one). It’s gross, but you might have to actually reach in and take him out of the toilet, then put him outside the house (hopefully far away where he can’t find you again). Sounds like a husband job to me. 🙂

  16. What a sweet boy to help his momma out with the double-gecko flush. LOL.
    And seriously, *no one* wants *anything* touching their ass while on the toilet.

  17. That’s soooo funny! Probably not funny for you or whoever is trying to do their business on that toilet….just the way you wrote about it was hysterical! Anyways, it’s probably some insurance company trying to tell you you could be saving on your car insurance. 🙂

  18. Seriously, Jill? Have you blocked out our years in Hawaii, where we had the giant flying cockroaches that lived in our toilets?? Because I haven’t, and it’s why I STILL check. Every. Single. Time.

  19. I live in FL and we have had them in our place once or twice but NEVER in the toilet that I know of. I will say this: they LOVE to run right in front of you on the sidewalks! It’s like they just wait for you to walk by and try to make you step on them…

  20. Any special tricks with other types of background images (GIF or JPEG)? Are there issues with using a single-pixel GIF for the background? Obviously, it’s better to solve the BG situation by specifying color in CSS, but you never know.Vincent Flanders

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