Sometimes I shudder when I recall how completely paralyzed I was by anxiety.

How it ruled the way I mothered… how it threatened to rule the way I loved.

And then, days like today, I smile to think how much I’ve kicked it in the ass since last fall.

Because the me last fall would NEVER take her kid to the craft store, let him pick out 3 full bottles of non-washable paint, and then come home and actually let him use it.

Boy, the me last fall was really missing out.

This kid can paint a seriously beautiful wooden box.

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      • I’m not going to lie, it was hard. But I think it was closer to the normal worry about him getting paint on the table and the new white chairs. It wasn’t an overwhelming worry because I was able to tell myself that it would be okay. I could Magic Eraser it off if I had to. And wouldn’t you know, I put a little faith in him, and he performed marvelously. Not once, did he purposefully get a drop of paint anywhere. He was really calm and focused the whole time. It was refreshing. I can’t remember the last time he sat still that long.

  1. So proud of you! Also, don’t 4 year olds totally kick ass? Love the look of concentration on K’s sweet face.

  2. I have a terrible habit of hoarding projects for my kids (5, 3, &2) to do, and then I never seem to be able to muster up the courage/energy to let them do any of them! Thanks for your openness, we are never alone, are we?

  3. You.Are.AWESOME. Seriously. This post brought a flood of memories back for me…and then I went and read your other post {again}. And {again} I remembered so well…that feeling of my baby being real. Thank you for not being shy…I hope you understand how much posts like this and so many others you’ve written impact moms. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Again.

  4. Glad to hear you are doing so well — it sounds like it has been such a long and difficult process. On an unrelated note, where did you get that art smock? I think we could use two of those in our house!

  5. I’m a longtime lurker and I absolutely adore your blog. I just wanted you to know that because of your openness about your struggles with Post Partum Anxiety, I finally sought help. I felt really alone and like maybe I was just being dramatic……I was ashamed of the way I felt and my shame only perpetuated my anxiety/depression. Now, I’m about 5 weeks into my meds and for the first time in almost 3 years I feel like I’m going to be okay……like I want to come home from work and I want to spend time with my husband. I didn’t realize how miserable I was and how miserable I was making my family until I wasn’t miserable anymore. I used to cry and freak out A LOT….now I cry but they are tears of joy because I feel like I can breathe. I won’t ramble on but I just wanted you to know that because of your posts someone’s life/family was changed.

    • Steph, thank you so much for chiming in. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but I’m SO glad you’re getting help and feeling better! Made my day.

  6. I totally get it. I was diagnosed with PPA about 16 months ago. Last week I let my 2 1/2 year old paint our kitchen floor with washable fingerpaint. It was so much fun! And it reminds me of how kick asst I have become! Thanks so much for sharing!

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