“You only had kids so we could DO YOUR DISHES!”

I’m pretty sure I shouted that at my parents at least a few times throughout my childhood. I’m positive I muttered it under my breath every time I bellied up to the sink of food covered dishes after dinner, alongside my little sister.

“When I have kids, I’m not going to always make them do MY disgusting dishes and laundry. This is SO unfair,” I’d whisper to her, and she’d nod in agreement… if she wasn’t whining and fighting with me over who got to load the dirty dishes and who had to rinse them off.

Yes, many moments growing up, I truly thought my parents had it made. Have a few kids and you’ve got a few little housekeepers who can’t tell you they don’t want to put away those 3 loads of clothes because they REALLY want to see a movie Friday night, and you have the power to squash that dream.

What a racket!

Well, I’m here to say that was pretty much the most ridiculous and wrong assumption ever – that my parents HAD KIDS so they could have a clean house.

I know, wrong about life at the age of 8, it’s shocking.

On Saturday, in some sort of divine holiday miracle, both Leyna AND Kendall napped for 3 hours, THE SAME 3 hours. That hasn’t happened in…. ever??

For 3 whole hours, it was like we didn’t have kids other than the obvious clues, like the toy tripping hazards and the cranberry sauce encrusted high chair. But for 3 whole hours, not a single “MaMaMa!” or “MOOOoooommmm!” was heard, not a single “Don’t put that in your mouth!” or “Why are you naked?” was muttered.

For 3 whole hours, we cleaned. 

We cleaned everything. We swept AND mopped (a shame how rarely those coincide), we washed windows, we wiped appliances. We even touched up paint in every living area and hall. After, the house sparkled.

I sat down on the couch for 12 minutes and took it in. I only smelled the cinnamon candle behind me, only heard the sound of my fingers typing, only saw the dust free entertainment center, the clutter free floor, and the slobber free couch. Ahhhhh! It was just what I needed.

And then they woke.

Within 15 minutes, we were back to a dirty high chair, Cheerios on the floor, and baseballs in every corner of the house.

So when these children are old enough to dishes and laundry, YOU BET YOUR ASS THEY WILL DO THEM.

They owe me that much.

Folks, if you want a clean house, hell, even just a house free of sticky globs under your dining room table and the scent of urine, do not have kids. Not even if they’ll grow up to do your dishes.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have 5 yards of ribbon strewn about the living room that needs rolled up and another load of peed on sheets from Kendall’s room to wash. It never ends.

Kendall is 3.5 years old and Leyna is 11 months old. So they should be doing the dishes for me any day now, right?

10 thoughts on “NOT A Reason To Have Kids”

  1. We cleaned all day on Friday too. ALL FREAKING DAY. With three wide awake kids. Because when you have three – the house is never, ever, ever clean. I used to pride myself on my ability to clean up and down, but I SWEARTOGOD my new house (not new – old as shit, but new to us) has not been actually clean since we moved in. Drives. Me. INSANE.

    1. Girl, I don’t even TRY when they are both awake. And I swear, ever since Kendall gave up his nap, it’s like I have NO time to put out fires during the day. Kudos to you for cleaning with them all awake and, I’m sure, not really helping.

  2. Hells to the YES!!! I just made a HUGE improvement in the cleaning situation. I put ALL of their toys in their rooms. It–well IT is glorious! Since all the toys are back in their rooms, they rarely get played with, and if they do, only one or two make it out to the living room.

    And for when they are old enough to do chores, you better believe there will be lists. The boys already help with picking up dog poop. At least one does it with a shovel. I guess it’s never too early!

  3. I love visiting family, but I almost feel like I should ship C back home a good 24 hours before I leave just so I don’t leave their house in shambles.

  4. I have a blog friend who SWEARS that her house is ALWAYS clean (or was when she was a SAHM) except for where her daughter was playing. My kid drags stuff EVERYWHERE. I dont even see her do it. Balls everywhere, cars to trip over, play food on every available surface, little people multiplying. I always complain about how dirty my house is, but like you, the minute I clean it, she’s got crumbs under her chair, toys in every direction…. I don’t know how my blog friend did it. I can rarely keep laundry AND dishes up at the same time, let alone anything else… bah.

  5. oh and my daughter is 3 and she folds washcloths, picks up her toys (sometimes) and helps make her bed. she puts her clothes in her clothes basket, and helps me sort other clothes out. that’s about it, but it’s something!

    1. Once in my life my mom got me to mow the lawn. I was actually grounded and I could get ungrounded by mowing the yard. I did such a horrible job, I never had to do it again.

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