In years past, I haven’t realized how much I hate candy… I mean, what it does to my son. Now that he’s 3, he’s obsessed with it. He can’t stop talking about it. He whines and begs and pleads for it before I even have time to pour a morning cup of coffee. He wants it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I. Hate. Candy. (right now, when it comes to him, not when it comes to me, I’m eating an Almond Joy at this very moment, nom)

Which is going to make the coming months SUPER fun. Basically, from now through December, with a brief break in January, and then right back at it again for Valentines Day, my kid is going to be in a perpetual state of hyperactive whining, cracked out on sugar.

Most wonderful time of the year, indeed.

I had a great idea.

It wasn’t an original idea. I heard about it from a friend last year. They employed a little Halloween magic in the name of The Switch Witch.

For those who’ve never heard of this, here’s the scoop:

You create some imaginary figure (Switch Witch, Candy Fairy, etc.) who will come to your home the night of Halloween, pick up all your child’s leftover candy, and leave a toy in return.

Lying to my kid about reality, stashing some of my favorite candy in our closet and getting rid of the rest? I kind of freaking love it.

Mama Natural made a cute video about the concept, and the Switch Witch even has her own Twitter account and book.

Last night, I thought I’d get Kendall excited about it.

“Tomorrow, after you go Trick or Treating, you can eat lots of candy. And I’ll even let you pick some of your very favorite pieces to save for later. But then? We’re going to gather all the rest of the candy, and you know what we’re going to do? We’re going to leave it for the Candy Fairy! And you know what she’s going to do? She’s going to take it and LEAVE YOU A TOY!” I gave it my best sales pitch.

His face began to crumple, his brow furrowed, “NO, I don’t want the Fahwy to take my candy!! I don’t want a toy. I want all my candy!”

Shit.

“Well, what if she brings you sports stuff! What if she brings you a new baseball bat?!” I retaliated.

Very matter-of-factly, he composed himself and replied, “Uhm, we can just go to the sports store and buy a baseball bat, momma. I don’t want the Fahwy to bwing me a bat. I. want. my. candy.”

Of course he does.

So the plan was to gather up most of his candy (save the stuff we really want, and a few extra pieces for bribes) and donate it to our local dentist, as part of their Halloween Candy Buy Back program to benefit Operation Gratitude, which sends care packages to the U.S. Military.

Well, that’s still the plan. I’m hoping if I let him indulge in a little too much candy tonight, it won’t be hard to convince him to give up the rest in exchange for a shiny new baseball bat while he writhes in pain from his belly ache.

That’s totally evil of me, I don’t care. ::insert evil mommy cackle::

Anyway, if you’d like to donate your candy, you can check to see if any dentists near you are participating in Operation Gratitude and buying back candy by going here and entering your zip code in the top right corner (shout out to Straight Talk Jess for telling me about this program).

And if you don’t want to make up a whimsical, candy-stealing character, check with the dentist’s office to see if they pay for the candy or offer any cool treats. I’ve read that some are giving out stickers, t-shirts, and of course, tooth brushes.

(That last bit was typed with the sound of a sad trombone in the background because what kid wants to give up their candy for a tooth brush? I mean, really.)

Hope you all have a safe and happy Halloween!

Kendall is 3.5 and Leyna is 10 months old, and I *just* thought about what a PITA it’s going to be to keep big brother from feeding candy to his sister. Swell.

18 thoughts on “Switch Witch, Take It Away.”

  1. The boys went trick ‘r’ treating on Saturday. How terrible is it that I’m giving away most of their candy to the regular trick ‘r’ treaters coming to our door tomorrow? That way I don’t have to buy any! Oh, I ain’t too proud to regift.

    I did let them keep some, but we have a rule in the house that they’re not allowed to have any hard candy and no chewy stuff (after the Dentist filled half of Jonas’s baby teeth with silver, and told us gummy bears and chewed suckers were to blame, we cut that shit completely out and they’re okay with it.) So, I’m giving away all that stuff and only letting them keep a few snickers and almond joy for after-dinner treats. They’ve been surprisingly reasonable about it (even my 3 yr old, who scares terrorists.)

    I did the Binky Fairy with the boys a couple years ago, but I’m on this whole “don’t lie to the children” kick ever since we ousted Santa last year. With my kids I find that it’s just simpler (for me) to tell them the truth about why I want them to do or not do something. You should see the look on Jonas’s face when he’s like “Ohhh, now I get it! Why didn’t you just say that?!” Saves me a lot of headache trying to keep up with the tangled stories I’d have to weave! 🙂

    1. You know, I talked to Kendall again this morning, and he was still adamant that he didn’t want the “fairy” to take his candy, so I took a different approach. I asked if he’d rather take it to the sports store and use it to buy something he picks out there, like a new baseball bat (his current one has a dent in it and we wanted to replace it anyway). He was totally on board with that idea! I’m relieved there is no “magic” involved.

      1. Atta girl! People are always telling me that kids do so much better when they’re involved in the decision-making process, and they’re usually right. That’s not the say I always have the time or patience to involve them, but life often turns out infinitely easier when I do.

  2. Oh, we already had massive meltdowns from BOTH of my kids since we went to Trunk or Treat last night. Seriously, big crocodile tears because they couldn’t eat ALL THE CANDY RIGHT NOW!

    And Landon woke up this morning begging to put on his spiderman costume and eat candy for breakfast.

    Why do you do it to us, holiday Gods? WHYYYYYY?

    The switch witch sounds like a fun idea. Maybe we’ll try that tonight.

  3. Hmmm… what if you told Kendall that the Candy Fairy is the one who gives it to our soldiers? If he knows where the candy is going, he might feel better about it. And then you’re only telling sort of a half-lie- the candy really WOULD be going to our troops! Just a thought, and would teach a lesson in giving to those who need/appreciate it 🙂

  4. I heard about this on twitter a few days ago and I think it’s BRILLIANT!! I’m totally doing it next year. My oldest is only 19 months so I can still distract her from the candy enough. 🙂 But, I’m a bit worried about what she might shove in her 2 month old sister’s tiny mouth 😉

  5. I have an easier plan….we are trick or treating for canned goods! After the boys are done collecting food for the food bank, they get to eat the yogurt covered pretzels they picked out. SCORE! However, The Hubs is disappointed that he doesn’t get to steal the loot!

  6. I think the idea’s great! When I asked my brother, who is currently deployed to Afghanistan, what he wanted/needed in his next care package his reply was “any leftover candy”. Not only is it a sweet pick-me-up for our soldiers, they also pass it out to the Afghan children as a good will gesture.

  7. Ha! My mom was not nearly as stealthy as you. She told my 3 brothers and I flat out we had 3 days to eat candy. After three days everyone who handed over their candy was going to the Chinese buffet. It always worked and we always knew where the candy went — the staff at our Dad’s office. Of course we were older — the youngest being 7?? — and I think peer pressure helped out. Don’t want to be the only one to sit out a visit to the chinese buffet!
    Excellent idea though and good tip for the Buy Back program.

  8. We went trick or treating last night (to 5 houses since it was raining) but we still ended up with plenty of candy. Once my 3 yr old saw all that candy she said “I don’t want the Switch Witch to come!” But the SW came anyways and my daughter was excited about what the SW brought, she didn’t care that the witch took all but 10 pieces of candy.

  9. I have a just past 3 year old and an almost 2 year old. We did a small trick or treat event at a local horse barn (they dress up the horses) last week and they got a handful of candy there – and by handful I mean 20 pieces MAYBE…and of those I immediately took away about 10 (hard candies, caramelly-type stuff). Tonight we are staying home and giving out a bit of candy to the neighborhood kids and then sending the rest to work with Dad tomorrow. I’m sure the littles will eat a Twix or two tonight but that’s better than bags we would get if we went out. I’m probably insane to think that I’ll be able to hold out on actual trick or treating but I plan to as long as possible. My husband calls it “stealing their childhood” and I call it “saving my sanity”. They went out a little and got a little and that seems to be enough since they know no different. : ) Good luck!

  10. I swear sugar has got to be the most addictive thing out there! Love the Candy Fairy idea in theory. I wonder if anybody’s kids choose the toy?

  11. I think the fantasy aspect is fun.

    Don’t plan to do it, but it still sounds like a neat idea. Don’t know why it’s not called The Great Pumpkin, though

    As for our 3.5 yo, we will just take away the excess candy and ration it out, she won’t be holding on to it or anything.

    As a rule, we don’t do candy and desserts at home. We save it for parties, restaurants, grandparents,etc. it’s so much easier not to have it as an option than having to say no all the time. That would drive me insane and make me the meanest mommy ever.

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