Raise Your Glass If You Feel Me

There is no way to win from the hours of 5-8 (or midnight? depending on when the hellion finally passes out) when it comes to toddlers.

Am I right?

If we let (force? maybe sometimes lock him in his room… I kid… sort of) him take a nap, he wakes up spitting fire and walks out of his room with his head spinning. It doesn’t stop until 6:30ish when he’s then taken over by the energy of a thousand monkeys on amphetamines until we, once again, make him go to bed, hopefully, before daylight the next morning.

If we skip that nap, he’s moody, sullen, angry, and basically a teenagerย 10 years too early for about 3 hours before, per usual, the monkeys take over.

The upside to the nap-taking route is the 2.5 hours of peace I get in the afternoon.

The upside to the no-nap-taking is the passing out before midnight part.

Either way, though, there is no winning between the hours of 5 and bedtime. None.

And that, my friends, is why there is HAPPY HOUR.

::This is the sound of me opening a beer. Cheers!::

Kendall is 3 years 4.5 months andย Leynaย is nearly 9 months old, and I love Shiner Bock.

  • Elizabeth Flora Ross - SB gave up napping some time ago. And it has been hell. I put her in her room every afternoon for “quiet time” and pray, cross my fingers, make sacrifices to the gods. But naps are rare. And without them, she is DONE by 5. Then it’s a mad rush to get her fed, bathed and in bed. The meltdowns are epic. It takes every ounce of patience I have. And after dealing with a toddler all day, there isn’t much left. The more tired she is, the harder it is to get her to bed. By the time we succeed, you’d better believe it is beer-thirty!

    I’m opening one right now and raising it in your direction. Cheers!ReplyCancel

  • Abigail @ Skywaitress - Oh man, sounds fun. I have no advice for you except drink up!ReplyCancel

  • Danielle - LET.ME.TELL.YOU!
    I am like that almost every night… It almost makes me feel like I can instantly tune the kids out as the beer opens, or glass of wine is poured!

    It is something we NEED for our own adult sanity!ReplyCancel

  • Mandy - Raising my glass. Our son is the same way. I’m really hoping that it’s a short phase, lol.ReplyCancel

  • Laura - Cheers to the toddler witching hours!!ReplyCancel

  • Megyn - Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I’m SO glad that I’m not the only one experiencing the demon! And now with Keegan getting into full-blown toddlerhood (17M), he’s joining his big brother for the torture mom fest. With my husband working 12 hour day, meaning I’m left to deal with EVERYTHING ALL DAY, we head to Grandma’s house around the corner. What is wrong with these children that they need sleep but don’t need sleep and are ready to raise hell every afternoon! Knock one back for me too (or a six pack…whatever gets you drunk enough to not care about it) ๐Ÿ˜‰ReplyCancel

  • Calley - I call it the witching hour in my house and it’s HORRIBLE! I’m raising my glass of wine to a toast right now! Oh, wait…mine just fell asleep so I’ll raise my glass in celebration! XOXO!ReplyCancel

  • Carrie - You must be writing about my life, but it’s a 2.5 year old girl and I am 32 weeks pregnant. there is no beer in my future for a long long eight weeks ๐Ÿ™ReplyCancel

  • Jamie - i’ll drink to that!!ReplyCancel

  • Jen - My Mom has always referred to the 5 o’clock hour as “arsenic hour”. With 3 kids now, I am wondering if that’s because mothers feel like poisoning themselves during that time? Or because children during that time resemble rats having consumed said arsenic?! I’m still not sure . . . but I will raise a glass . . . because we have 3 kids – and a kegerator full of Yuengling in the basement (it’s just more economical that way!).ReplyCancel

  • Colleen - I have a 3 year old and 5.5 month old twins….
    I will see your glass and raise you a BOTTLE!ReplyCancel

  • Starr - Story.of.my.life. I love reading your blog because you seem to read my mind and be experiencing every single thing I am at the exact same moment. Cheers!ReplyCancel

  • Adam - Central Market had a huge sale on beer for their Beertopia celebration. You better believe I took advantage of that (to the tune of 6 large Belgian beers).

    And excellent choice on the Shiner. They’ve yet to make a beer that I haven’t enjoyed.ReplyCancel

  • E - After a day of teaching middle school kids I come home to a 13 month old and a 2.5 year old. I SO hear you on this one.

    We decided to let the toddler skip the nap and take a nice, long family walk after dinner to release the monkeys. I have no idea what we’ll do when it starts raining. Maybe a toddler treadmill?ReplyCancel

  • Kristin - I believe it is precisely why alcohol was invented.ReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Agreed! The time between waking up from her afternoon nap and bedtime involves crying, screaming, tantrums, running, running, running, and lots of deep breaths on my part.ReplyCancel

  • tobasco - Yes, absolutely. I have tried so many different things. Snack before nap. Lunch before nap. Snack after nap. No lunch but early dinner. Big snack and late dinner. Sitting with her and chilling after naps. TV after naps to help her work out the sleep funk. NOTHING. I’ve just accepted that those hours are lost.ReplyCancel

  • MomEinstein - Crap. I’m not looking forward to this. I have been telling myself that bedtime wI’ll get easier.

    When they’re 13, we’ll miss the days we had to put them to bed. Right? Right? Anyone? Bueller?ReplyCancel

  • Molly in MN - ::glass raised::

    I DESPERATELY wanted to get out of the house today – even had a lunch date planned. My 3 tiny tornadoes decided otherwise and we stayed home (and I tried EVERY bribe for good behavior). We’re at the awful stage of still needing a nap, but not wanting to lay down long enough to fall asleep. I want to scream most afternoons.

    I think I should chill another bottle for tonight…ReplyCancel

  • margaret - *looks around for cameras*

    Dude, are you spying on me? I currently have an 18mo post nap expressing his pure toddler rage gibbering at me in shrieks so high pitched my dogs can’t even hear em.ReplyCancel

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