I love me some Pinterest, that’s already been established. But, there are some pins… quite a few, actually, that when I see them pop up I have to laugh. NOT because I think they’re stupid ideas (okay, some pins are stupid ideas, yes, but that’s not the point of this post), but because they would be stupid for me to try to pull off.
I can stretch my creativity a bit, I can challenge my sewing skills, I may even be able to (convince my husband to) build a piece of furniture from scrap wood we dig out of some old barn that…we break into… or something (where the hell do people get barn wood?).
But even I, with my deep well of hopeless optimism, know my boundaries. Here are a few pins that, while maybe a good idea for others, would turn out like absolute crap for me. I know this to be true so much that I wouldn’t dare even attempt them.
1. The Pantry Snack Station
Uhhhhh… I can not even wrap my head around this level of obsessive organization. Who ARE these people and what have they
drugged bribed their children with?
That can of Goldfish? Would be yanked to the front of the bin in .5 seconds, it’s lid torn off, possibly eaten off of, and then probably licked by a dog. The chances of the lid actually making it back on that canister, and that canister not being covered by cracker slime from toddler hands is roughly 2%. The chances of the canister making it back into the box? .02%
But that would be only after EVERY. OTHER. SNACK. was retrieved from the box, opened, mixed with each other, dropped into the Busy Ball Popper, shot into the air, and then poured back into the “Snack Station” in a giant mound. Then, the Goldfish canister, covered in toddler cracker slime, would be crammed on top of the mound. It would make a loud “CRUNCH!” sound.
So I’m going to go ahead and pass on that because my pantry is a hot mess, but this would be like a challenge to take the chaos to a whole new level.
2. The “Simple” Updos
People are always showing off these, supposedly, “effortless” updos that transform women from your every day into Greek Goddesses. They make it look all easy-like, with their 5 picture tutorials, all smiles, no tangles, no fingers snagged in rats nests brought on by too much Aquanet.
As much as I’d like to think I can at least pull off one of these, I’ve learned better than to try, for fear I end up with 7 bobby pins sticking out the top of my head like tiny antennae and a chopstick coming out of my ear. Y’all, I can’t even show a round brush what’s up (so confusing with the hair dryer and and the EVERYTHING IS OPPOSITE mirror), I don’t think I’ll be weaving my locks into sculptures any time soon.
3. Clean All The Things!
It’s something I struggle with daily (though I wouldn’t say I fail, I just rarely ace it). I get it. It’s important to clean. But people, the month I clean for 31 days straight, there is only 1 of 2 things going on.
1. My internet has abandoned me and my toddler flushed my iPhone. Let that day never come to pass!
2. Someone has committed a crime in my house that I’m desperately trying to cover up.
And if anyone ever finds me shining my sink, please have me committed because that’s a sure sign that I’ve lost the will to live.
4. Glitter Timeout Jar
I think it’s lovely, honestly, that people have children who would buy into this. The idea is you create a thick mixture that glitter floats in after you shake it. You ask the child to sit and collect their thoughts until the glitter settles. It’s supposed to work as an alternative or compliment to timeout. Some kind of kiddie meditation tactic, where the child thinks of all the glitter as all their thoughts… or something.
Here’s the deal, though: My child should never be trusted with glitter.
Most CERTAINLY not glitter suspended in liquid, housed in glass. And DEFINITELY not when he’s in timeout and all in ::hulksmash:: Angry Toddler is Angry mode. If we’re not careful, it will look like Tinkerbell killed herself by flying at high speeds into our wall.
So, for now, I think I’ll stick to trying out pins that I feel will have more favorable outcomes… or I’ll just keep laughing at all the wildly inappropriate and hilarious ones I can’t stop pinning.
Kendall is 3 years and almost 5 months and Leyna is just about 9 months old
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