Scott’s been home with us ever since the day I had Leyna, nearly 4 weeks. He goes back to work on Monday and was bemoaning his return last night. I felt he needed a little pep talk, so, being the encouraging wife I am, I gave it to him straight.
“Let me just remind you what a day at the office entails, honey.
You’re going to drive to work. ALONE. You’ll be able to listen to anything you want. Or nothing at all. You can just sit in silence.
And when you arrive, you’ll make a fat cup of coffee, and you’ll be able to drink all of it before it gets cold.
You’ll leisurely check your email while sitting in the quiet comfort of your private office.
You will have conversations with other adults that do not revolve at. all. around diapers or laundry or runny noses.
At no point during the day will anyone throw themselves on the floor in front of you and scream for 20 minutes straight, nor will they expect you to wipe their ass.
You will eat a lunch that you only had to prepare for yourself.
At the end of the work day, you will still have the same clothes on that you started the day out in, and they will not smell like sour breastmilk or spit up. They will not have smudges of snot on them of the rogue squirt of baby poop.
You will drive home, again, ALL BY YOURSELF.
And when you get home, we will all be waiting for you. I, especially, will be waiting for you.”
He nodded and said, “You’re right. That actually doesn’t sound that bad at all.”
And I lovingly smiled… and gave him the finger.
Kendall is 2 2/3 and Leyna is 3.5 weeks old… and on Monday the real lunacy… I mean, fun begins.