The other night, after a particularly productive day of home decorating, cleaning and renovation, Scott and I kicked back on the couch around midnight to unwind before going to bed. Yeah… we stayed up until midnight. That hasn’t happened in… hmmm.. well, probably since the days of colic, and that was against our will.

Anyway, there’s not much on around midnight, and we didn’t want to tap into any good shows on the DVR, not knowing how long we’d be able to stay up. I was wielding the remote control when I happened upon The Vanilla Ice Project, a home renovation/landscaping show hosted by, you got it, the one and only Vanilla Ice.

We couldn’t NOT watch.

It was, actually, not *that* bad. Truthfully, the guy sounded pretty knowledgeable. He was a charismatic host. He was…. entertaining. We put down the remote and continued to watch as he tore out palm trees and bushes in front of  a Florida mansion.

Then he started digging in the dirt, tying to uncover the source of a bulge in the driveway.

The dirt was moist, and looked soft and delicious.

“mmm… grainy, sandy, wet dirt… that sounds SO good… I could just eat it with a spoon,” I found myself thinking.

And then I SNAPPED OUT OF IT. Was I seriously craving dirt? Oh yes, I was. That dirt looked more delicious than a bowl of ice cream. And, upon further reflection, I remembered it wasn’t the first time in the last week I craved dirt. I saw mounds of it on the side of the road earlier in the week and briefly imagined the taste and texture of it on my tongue, much like one would when eyeing a piece of cheesecake on a dessert tray.

I also found that I suddenly came to like, very much, the texture of Tums. I’d been turned off by them in the past, choosing to soothe myself with the generic version instead, because they were too grainy, too sand-like. Now? Love the sandy texture. Love. it.

I turned to Scott as soon as I realized what was going on. “Uhm, that dirt looks delicious. Where are those iron supplements?”

He gave me a confused, holy shit look. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, serious. Like, I want to lick that shovel.”

So I ran off the bathroom and choked down a disgusting iron supplement, realizing this is probably a side effect of my low iron counts. I’ve been struggling with my iron count my whole pregnancy. I think it’s a big reason why I craved red meat (specifically BBQ beef sandwiches) so much. At my 28 week appointment I got the all clear on the gestational diabetes front, but was warned again about my iron being too low. I vowed to eat more red meat and leafy greens, and I swear, I’ve tried. Clearly, it’s not enough at this point, though.

So yeah, popping iron supplements, prenatals, and Zantac (for my insane heartburn) daily now. Here’s hoping the garden section at Lowes doesn’t look like a mouth watering buffet to me anymore.

Kendall is 2.5 and I’m 31 weeks pregnant

17 thoughts on “Even Stranger Than Vanilla Ice’s HGTV Show”

  1. Actually, it’s not all that strange. In Central Africa and other parts of the world, pregnant and lactating women eat a specific kind of clay to supplement the body’s cravings for certain minerals, including calcium and iron. So you’re definitely not alone. 🙂

    1. It’s actually not Pica, which is a psychological disorder under DSM-IV and can be present in anyone. This is specifically a biological response and is known as Geophagy, and is pretty much limited to craving dirt. But if you go for it, make sure it’s the ‘right’ dirt.

  2. Hilarious! It will make for an awesome story when baby girl is old enough to learn about pregnancy cravings. I was totally bummed when my mom didn’t crave anything with me, so I think your daughter will be delighted with you craving dirt… or maybe she’ll be my polar opposite and will shun you for being weird. Anyway.

    Awesome post.

  3. Funny you mention that. Because I was having the same problems during this last pregnancy except I started craving Vicks! Then it progressed to Ben Gay. I had to rub Ben Gay on my kidney area every single night (I had a kidney stone) and then I’d smell my hands for 10 minutes and inhale deeply. It was ridiculous. You know what the iron pills do to you so I really didn’t want to take them (although I did) but they didn’t help. As soon as I had the baby all the cravings stopped thank goodness!

  4. It takes one to know one. While I was reading that I was craving dirt too. How odd, yet I do get those cravings sometimes too. And I’m not pregnant. I don’t think I would ever go out and eat any (although I did when I was a kid) but I know what you mean!

    That is very strange! When I was pregnant I always craved just food. Until one day I had the most intense desire to be emerged in water. I wanted it all over my body. I wanted to swim so bad. And every time I would see large bodies of water on tv (pool, pond, lake,ocean) I would cry because I would be so jealous of the people that got to be IN the water.

  6. Make sure you add some Colace to pill to your routine or the iron pills will cause some major constipation. Please don’t ask how I know.

  7. Seconding the adding of Colace to your routine!! I could only tell you how I know if we were really good girlfriends and you wanted to laugh and cry all at once. I can tell you this: It was worse than child birth. And I birthed with out drugs.

  8. I don’t know anything about pregnancy cravings yet, but I did DVR and watch the Vanilla Ice show, and actually enjoyed it – like you said, he was pretty knowledgeable and entertaining. He was cute with his daughter helping him drive the bobcat. I was a little disappointed that the entire series is going to be on that one house (er, MANSION), and that the renovations he’s doing are so not applicable to the common person (aka most of us watching home renovation shows in the first place…) – I was hoping it would be multiple project locations, and also more relatable. But I’ll probably keep watching it anyway… it’s kind of like house dreamland – basically unlimited funds and getting to do all kinds of really cool stuff to a house! 🙂

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