You might be in the third trimester if you have to employ one of the following techniques to groom your bikini line- 3rd person waxing, begging your partner to shave it for you (and praying they don’t take that as foreplay), awkward mirror in the shower placement, the risky blind shave.

You might be in the third trimester if the cleavage created by your boobs resting on your belly is bigger than the cleavage you get with a push up bra.

You might be in the third trimester if you preemptively cross your legs and pray you don’t piss yourself *that* bad every time you sneeze.

You might be in the third trimester if you have to apply one of Newton’s Laws of Motion to hoist yourself out of bed.

You might be in the third trimester if  you leave every grocery store feeling lucky you didn’t punch anyone in the face for saying something stupid. (Via @Lakeline)

You might be in the third trimester if you if you barely remember the days when both pooping and sleeping were a piece of cake. (Via @SFBethT)

You might be in the third trimester if you’ve ever wanted to get a maternity top that says “STFU” on it. (Via @Lakeline)

You might be in the third trimester if you wear flip flops no matter what the temp because they’re like sweat pants on Regina George – they’re all that fits you. (Via @MamaPhan)

You might be in the third trimester if turning over in bed requires an action-adventure soundtrack. (Via @moshermama)

You might be in the third trimester if you can’t even wear jewelry anymore. So they think you’re an unwed mother-to-be and they nod sympathetically at you. (Via @MomJoviBlog)

You might be in the third trimester if you refer to your fetus as David Koresh and suggest that your doctor “smoke him out of his hole.” (Via @FeministBreeder)

You might be in the third trimester if you knife someone for asking whether you’re going to eat the WHOLE pie. YES I am damnit! (Via @CrunchyVTMommy)

You might be in the third trimester if you have to request NON booth seating at the restaurant. (Via @Yaheesplace)

You might be in the third trimester if your late night snacks are Tums. (Via @basicallyJulie)

You might be in the third trimester if you’d like to take a pillow to the bathroom and sleep on the toilet to keep from having to get up to pee. (Via @NotSuperJustMom)

You might be in the third trimester if your belly turns on the stove. (Via @Jayesel)

You might be in the third trimester if you wake up at 6am on a Saturday & decide painting the closet is important. (Via @SthrnStrawberry)

My name is Jill, and I am 27 weeks and officially in the third trimester. Yesterday I was genuinely afraid to look down at my jeans after I sneezed in the mall food court, terrified of the size of the wet spot I would find, convinced we’d have to high tail it out of there because “mommy had an accident.”

26 thoughts on “You Might Be In The Third Trimester If…”

  1. I went and bought a fake ring once my wedding rings wouldn’t fit anymore. Then everyone thought I had a huge rock! Better than the sympathy nods and quite the conversation piece with ladies lunches. I also felt so naked without my rings!

    1. Dude, I did that too. I bought one that was three sizes larger than my wedding set so that I could wear it. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone thinking I wasn’t married when I was pregnant.

      1. … I don’t really get this. Why not? I’ve never been married… And I sure never got funny looks for it during pregnancy!

  2. I don’t even want to know what my bikini line looks like. I’m not dealing with it until next summer.

    Based on my experience today: You might be in the third trimester if your foot falls asleep while you’re standing up.

    these are hilarious. I especially like the cleavage one.

  3. LOL!! Oh thank you thank you thank you for sharing these. As this is my first pregnancy and misery loves company, this was much appreciated!! 🙂

    PS – I tried the 3rd person waxing and the stupid woman kept asking “Are you sure I’m not hurting the baby??” WTF? Yes apparently ripping hair out of my body magically affects the baby.

    She barely waxed anything at all and once I finally got to a mirror I realized I still had the seventies flair going on. I wanted to seriously hurt her!!

  4. ….if you’re totally looking forward to the first REALLY good pee after the baby is born… not the feeling of having to go really badly, only to have barely more than a trickle. 😉

  5. ATTENTION LADIES

    Use an electric razor and blind shave. Who needs it soft as a baby’s butt anyway?? Just trust me on this one.

    Also – I’m in my 2nd trimester of my 2nd pregnancy and almost all of these apply to me already! -cry-

  6. At one point towards the end of my second pregnancy, my hubby and I were in the shower. He pointed to my bikini area and said “are you going to shave that?” (i *may* have let my self go a little a that point in time) and I looked him dead in the eye and said “shave it? I cant even SEE IT!”. I think he kinda felt bad for making the comment… lol.

  7. Wow…I still have that same conversation with my husband (and my child is ONE), he asks am I gonna shave that, and I reply “be my guest”..what a mom will do to get something checked off the list! I yawn at the thought of shaving these days…

  8. OMG! The whole moving around in the bed thing…totally me! My husband actually asked me once if I’d feel better being placed in some water (he’s lucky I wasn’t sensitive about my size!!!). It’s crazy how after 7 months I kind of forgot what it’s like being in the third trimester, but this post made me remember some funny (and not so funny) times. Thanks!

  9. Oh thank you so much for this! This is my 4th pregnancy and there are STILL new things I’m going through this time. I do think that, “You know you’re in your third trimester if looking in the mirror naked makes you cry. Just a few weeks ago you thought “Oh look how cute!”. Now it’s “OMG who IS that woman??”

  10. OMG nail on head! My baby is 8 weeks old and these memories are all too fresh.

    The action adventure movie one…hilarious. One night I was gearing up for one of my many turns. My daughter wakes up and says “you can do it Mommy”. LOL! My little cheerleader, bless her heart.

    (*gasp* the answer is yes I sleep with my kids)

  11. It was August in my 3rd trimester. I was sitting on the couch with no pants on bc I couldn’t cool down. He comes to me and says, “Geeze, could you at least put some underwear on?” The thing is, I was wearing underwear. He just couldn’t see it under my bellie.

  12. i knew i was in my 3rd trimester when i had to buy a step up stool to get into bed. and changing positions (sitting to standing, standing to sitting, not to mention lying down to standing dear god) was accompanied by a loud “HurrnnnngggghhH!!”

  13. Currently 32 weeks with #4, and every one of these rings true!!
    I know it’s the 3rd tri because I call someone from another room (hubby, a kid) when I drop anything on the floor. Bending over just requires too much balancing and positioning and groaning. This morning I scolded my husband repeatedly for leaving his undies on the bathroom floor rather than putting them in the laundry bag… Yesterday I dropped a handful of dry angelhair pasta in the kitchen, and I turned it into a game for the kids…

  14. I have read this three times and each time cried in laughter. I read it twice the first time when I was actually in my third trimester and I just thought of it and read it again at 6 months pregnant I’m laughing and crying and trying to not wake up my first child from his nap!

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