Saying Goodbye to Being A Boy Mom

I’ve mentioned here before, and I’ve certainly stated to my friends and family (back before I found out we were having a girl) that I wouldn’t be shocked at all to end up with all boys. My husband comes from a huge family that seems to be overrun by testosterone. I knew what I was getting into, and while I was at a loss at how to be a “boy mom” at first, I quickly came to love it.

Going into this pregnancy, I prepared myself to find out I was expecting another boy. I was quite happy with the idea, to be honest. I mentally embraced being a boy mom long before that big ultrasound. I envisioned my life, a sea of trucks and Osh Kosh overalls, loud noises and  rough and tumble. (That’s not to say girls don’t do or play or wear these things- please allow me to overgeneralize.) I was a-okay with my life surrounded by little men. In fact, the thought was lovely.

But, OF COURSE, I was *thrilled* to hear we’re having a little girl. Shocked, yes, but over the moon happy. I think the best part has been seeing how excited Scott is (though he won’t outright admit it, I see that gleam in his eyes). I think it’s exciting to us both that he might (hopefully) get to experience that same special bond with his little girl that Kendall and I seem to have. And I can’t lie that the excitement, for me, seems to grow every day. I love to daydream about the fun tea-parties, painting tiny toenails, slumber parties and secrets shared. I’ve already purchased more for her than I know I should, but I just can’t stop. The clothes, the shoes, the tiny little bows! Oh, it’s too much to hold myself back from.

But as I make my way through this pregnancy (just about 18 weeks out from my due date- can you believe it?), I find there is a tiny bit of… sadness?? I don’t even know if that’s an accurate way to describe it. Just this feeling that comes from seeing this life, this life as a “boy mom,” fade to gray. It’s not that I’m not in love with the alternative, it’s just knowing that that life that I envisioned and embraced so passionately beforehand will never be, and it’s a little sad (we’ll just say that since I can’t think of a better word) to say goodbye.

Does that make sense? Has anyone else felt this way? I have to say, it’s an emotional experience I wasn’t expecting to go through.

Kendall is 2 & 1/4 and I’m 21ish weeks pregnant.

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  1. I’ve had that feeling every time I’ve moved into a new stage in life. I reach a point where I suddenly feel a bit sad, and then scared that I am not ready for this change and I just can’t do it. Those times pass though, and I’ve always found joy and excitement in my new stage of life.

  2. I know what you mean, even though I was hoping with our 3 child who is now 11 months old, that it would be a girl, I was actually not very disappointed this time like I was with our second. I think I embraced the idea of being a “boy mom” and I may have been a little sad too, as you described it, if we had ended up with a girl. And I keep thinking that even if we got pregnant again, I’d almost,,almost, prefer to have another boy, although I’d also LOVE to have a girl, but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it wasn’t! Anyway, it’s confusing! (-:

  3. SEND. HER. TO. MEEEE!!!!! lol.

    I had a hard time letting go of not being a mom to a girl the first two times around. I’ll be so freaking bummed if I don’t get a girl this time. I always thought I’d have a daughter, but that really may not be in the cards. I get it. Lots of people experience gender disappointment in either direction. The good news is that once they come out, you love them no matter if they had no genitals, or ten sets. And now I can’t imagine my boys being girls. I’m sure I’ll feel the way about the next one too (but I reserve the right to beg the universe for a girl until I see those genitals in person.) 🙂

  4. I had the same feeling when they told us we were having a boy: very happy but a little sad to not be having a girl. A month later we were told it was, in fact, a girl and I had the same feelings: very happy but a little sad to not be having a boy. Either way I was a tiny bit sad because of what I wouldn’t be having. It doesn’t make any sense, but it was there.

  5. I have a girl and I am convinced that my next will be a boy. While I would be thrilled with a sister for Eloise, I just feel it in me that I should mother a son. If I never have a boy, there will for sure be quite some adjusting to do.

    • I agree completely with Laura. I have a feeling our next child will be a boy (I also had a feeling our first would be a girl). I picture myself as a mom of both a boy and a girl; I feel like I’m meant to be a mother of both sexes. So if the next one is another girl I’m going to have to adjust to the idea of being a mom of two girls.

      Everything involves adjusting but it’s amazing how much of a mirror into our souls our kids are. It’s like a little part of ourselves fades away when something changes with them.

  6. I love this post. Even though I’m a teesy bit jealous that you get to be a girl mom too. I can say with all honesty that I would have really missed my second boy if I hadn’t gotten him.

    My husband comes from a family full of testosterone as well. So I expected nothing but boys. I had my heart set on all boys.

    And even if we have a third (which he is dead set against) I have a feeling it will be another little boy and I will be so excited.

    But there will always be that little part of me that wonders what my little girl would have been like 😉 Only, in my dreams I guess.

    Or maybe a granddaughter someday 😉

  7. My son is 2.5 years old and my daughter is 2 months. I was convinced that DD was going to be a boy, but I was so happy to hear that I was having a girl, but a (not so small) part of me was disappointed that I wasn’t having a boy. It really shocked me. That said, there hasn’t been a day since she was born that I wished she was a boy (especially when she pees when I change her diapers – no spray with a little girl!).

  8. I think it’s just hard in general to say good bye to your expectations. I felt the same way (but opposite) when we found out #2 was a boy. I felt all this sadness about not getting a chance to be a “girl mom.” Now that we have 2 boys, I’m embracing the boy mom aspect a bit more since I see how much they adore each other. But I think that sadness about a girl may always linger. Hope you can find a way to to cope-and if you do, tell me the secret!

  9. It’s funny you mention this. All my life, I pictured myself as a girl mom. But now that I’ve been a boy mom for 5 months, I can’t imagine it any other way. And I’ve started to think about how nice it would be if #2 is another boy. I’ve done a complete 180…and now I wonder how I’ll feel if we end up with a girl the second time around!

    My sister-in-law, on the other, hand, just had girl #2. And though she loves her second daughter, I know she wanted to experience being a Boy Mom. How ironic if she has the girls, and we have the boys.

  10. It totally makes sense. Shoot, the only thing that keeps us going sometimes, is the fantasy life we create in our heads about how life will be. 🙂

    I am sure that if you were having another boy, you would have this same mixture of excitement and a little feeling of loss – but a loss over tiny bows and tea parties. We all get wistful over the path not travelled.

    Like right now I’m wistful over the international vacations childless friends are taking. Sigh…

  11. I have a 22 month old girl, really took it hard when we found out she was a girl. I grew up around boys, I’m not a tom boy or ever was, but was definitely not a “girly-girl” and was terrified of having a “girly-girl.” Well, I got a “girly-girl” 100% and she is amazing and I love it to pieces. We’ve been trying so hard for a second, and have lost 2 in the last 4 months, that at this point neither a boy or girl would disappoint me in the least, but I must say, I really can’t ever picture me with a boy now! I guess you get used to what you have, and it becomes easy! You’ll love having a girl, and you’re still a “boy mom” just a “girl mom” too! Oh… and my DD is totally a mama’s girl so far 🙂

  12. I didn’t know that I would be a ‘boy mom’ until I saw my baby at birth. I didn’t really think much about this because I didn’t really genderize the babyhood part…he was just my baby. Boy, girl…whatever! I just loved babies!

    Then came toddlerhood and this ‘boy mom’ was now playing trucks and reading books about animals that ROAR. I am a total boy mom now.

    I would like to have one more baby and I don’t really have much feelings on being an exclusive boy mom or venturing into the parenting of 1 of each.

    Who knows, maybe if I did have a daughter she would like dinosaurs and wrestling just as much?

  13. On bow overload – It’s hard to fight, but so important (I say as my daughter’s room is pink, magenta & brown.) I really try to balance all the girly stuff that I enjoy, with pushing her to do all the rough and tumble stuff. She has not a single princess thing and never will if I have any say, but does have trucks and lots of great blocks.

    It’s just so damn hard to resist all the super cute clothes!

  14. I was sure I’d have all boys and my heart was set on it. We found out our first was a girl and it was a huge shock. My husband accepted it long before me.
    16 months later and I can’t imagine my life without my pink princess (who loves the rough and tumble.) And I’m kinda hoping baby #2 who is coming in 6 weeks is also a girl…although everyone says its a boy. I’d be happy with either but its very unexpected for me to want another girl.

  15. I had exactly the opposite experience. I have sisters, my husband has sisters, my first was a girl and I honestly thought I would end up with all girls. When my second turned out to be a boy, I was in shock (and two years later I still look at him and think “Oh my God I have a son.”

    I feel like I know girl stuff because I’ve been through so much of it myself, with sisters, friends, etc. but the thought that I’m raising a man still kind of terrifies me. I guess it goes both ways, huh?

  16. My hubby is actually afraid to have another baby because he is afraid we’ll end up with TWO girls. He loves his first one so much he is scared that he couldn’t love the second one…silly, I know, but???

    Guess we’ll just have to wait til the baby is born (if we get pregnant), that way there’s no going back! 🙂

  17. I think it’s just because boys are what we know, so somehow having another (and another and another…) seems easier. Safer.

    I feel totally the same way about baby #2 being a girl and I know for me it’s half because I already know what to do with a boy and half actual logistics – do they still share a room? How many baby clothes do I have in gender neutralish colors? HOW DO YOU CHANGE GIRL DIAPERS???

    Babies are HARD, yo, and getting one that matches the one you’ve already got makes going from 1 to 2 easier – at least in theory.

  18. TOTALLY know how you feel, even though we don’t know the sex of this one (I’m due in a WEEK – eeeeek!) I have totally mentally prepared myself to be a “boy mom.” If it’s a girl, I will be shocked and it will probably take a bit of getting used to.

    • when i was pregnant we didn’t know what we were having either – but i felt it in my bones the entire pregnancy that it was a boy! when my husband yelled “it’s a boy” in the delivery room, i wasn’t even surprised – i was like yeah I KNOW! 🙂 as far as the “boy mom” thing – i love it, but i still want a girl eventually..maybe..i’ll prob end up with all boys!

  19. I always assumed that my sister would be the one with all of the boys and I’d be the one with all of the girls. I was stunned when we found out that #2 was a boy. And disappointed. I’m super close to my sister and wanted that same kind of relationship for my daughter. Naturally, I love my son more than words and can’t imagine life without him. I do still want another girl though 🙂

  20. For me it wasn’t so much a gender thing as it was becoming a mom of 2 thing. Towards the end of my pregnancy with Jack, I began to feel sad and almost morn the loss of being a mother to just James. I felt sad and a little guilty. I knew I’d never be able to give him the same undivided attention that he got as an only child and it was definitely an emotional time.
    BTW though….I do have some hope that my 3rd/final child will be a girl ! You’re still a boy mom, you’re just a girl mom now too. I think you’ll do an awesome job at it !

  21. I can’t even imagine what life would be like as a girl mom. So I know what you mean. But just because you are having a girl doesn’t ever take away from the fact that you are a boy mom. Just remember that 🙂

  22. I totally get how you’re feeling. I have 2 boys, and I LOVE how they love each other. They are best friends and I wouldn’t change a thing…but there is a littttle part of me that still wants a girl. But I also can only see myself as a boy mom.

  23. I didn’t find out the sex of my baby. I was 99.9% certain we were having a boy. And completely pumped about it. I had the same trucks and overalls vision 🙂 The midwife held up my baby and it was a girl!! Its funny, when I was pregnant I couldn’t even imagine being a girl mom. The thought honestly scared me! All those fears have long been lost in the adorable dresses, bows, shoes, tiny pedicures and pink bedding.

  24. aww, I can imagine. I have two boys and at first I was sad I was having another boy but now that I have him I LOVE being a mom to boys. We want a third and now I am preparing myself to be a mom of all boys and I am okay with that.

    BUT…I know you will love having a girl and yes there is still a little bit of me that is jealous that you get one of each. Silly I know.

  25. I feel the same way. I’m due with our second at pretty much the same time and we too were shocked to find out it’s a girl. My husband declared that his family doesn’t make girls (er, except for his mom…never said it was a logical assertion). Although there is no rule that DS would have been closer with a brother than he will be with a sister, I can’t help feeling like we need to apologize to him. Crazy! I’m the only girl out of three boys, and I adore my brothers. Don’t know where this guilt comes from.

  26. Well, I had four boys and then a girl. With the boys, I mourned each time, a little bit, the “loss” of that imaginary girl-baby. Interestingly by the time I got to pregnancy #5 I had completely made peace with being a “boy mom” and was even starting to love the idea of it. I harbored no ideas that I might finally wind up with a girl…in fact, when the ultrasound technician told us it was a girl I said “Excuse me?” LOL Then I started feeling panicky. After all, I knew how to DO boys. The clothes, the toys, the hair…it was so natural to me. A GIRL? What would I DO with her?

    It has been wonderful…different, yes, and Clara is one pampered princess. But it would have been wonderful if she’d been a boy, too, just in a completely different way.

  27. I dont have babies yet, and apart from a healthy happy baby, I want a baby girl so much, I would take all baby girls for future babies 🙂

  28. I have two boys and although I wanted one of each initially, now I feel like it’s exactly the family I was meant to have. I’m honestly a bit nervous at the thought (which is still only a thought, at this point, and probably not going to happen) that we might have a third child, because I don’t want everyone to think we are “trying for a girl.” Or worse, that my boys would think they weren’t “enough.” (I had two miscarriages before baby #2 and I was so happy just to have another child at all, it hurt when others expressed disappointment about having a second boy.) I also worry that others would treat a girl as more special by buying more things for her (it’s hard to resist, I know!). But seeing my two boys together as brothers is exactly the reason we sometimes wonder about having a third child someday… no matter what gender that child would be.

    I agree with the others, now you’ll just be a boy mom AND girl mom! Twice the Awesome. 🙂 Best wishes to you!

  29. if it helps, my little girl looks great in dungarees and loves rough and tumble, as well as the pretty pinks and gentle flower sniffing! You won’t lose all the boy things. I love having a girl, I’m sure you will too when she arrives 🙂 The unfamiliar is always scary tho x

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