“I’m such a mom.”

Ever find yourself doing or saying something or reacting a certain way that makes  you stop and think, “I’m such a MOM”?

This week I had the house to myself for a couple hours while Scott took Kendall for a long run and a trip to the park. I put on the Christina Aguilera Pandora station and got pumped to do a little house cleaning. It’s always so much more fun to sweep when old school N’ Sync and Britney comes on. As I cleaned the living room the song “Rude Boy” by Rhianna played over the speakers. I’ve heard it many times before. It’s alright. Not my favorite, but a good beat, I guess. Well, for the first time I actually really listened to the words (because they were blaring at level 50 over the surround sound) and OH MY GOODNESS I think my face turned six shades of red. Now, I’m not a particularly prudish person. I really don’t think I’m shocked easily, but the lyrics had me wanting to switch to the nearest easy listening station while I clutched my pearls and ran off to put on a conservative cardigan. “Kendall can NEVER listen to this song!” I thought to myself. I am such a mom.

Yesterday, as we were loading the car to take Kendall to Mother’s Day Out at 8:45 am, a car from a house on the end of our street peeled out of their driveway and sped down the road at at least 50 mph. I stood there and let my mouth hang open. I muttered things like “ridiculous!” and “totally uncalled for!” while shaking my hand in their general direction. This street, at nearly any given time of the day, has kids running up and down and ACROSS it, half the time never looking before they cross. This particular woman SHOULD KNOW THAT. She’s the mother of one of them. Ooooh, I was so pissed off. I seriously contemplated writing a bitchy letter requesting she not drive like a maniac and threatening to call the cops next time. THINK OF THE CHILDREN! I’m such a mom.

After I picked Kendall up at MDO yesterday I had to take him to Chick Fil A for ice cream. Why? Because he went the whole day in his big boy undies *almost* accident free! He only had a tiny little leak right before naptime that barely dampened his shorts. I figured that was celebration worthy. The teacher told me he hadn’t pooped for them all day. So as soon as we got there I made him go sit on the big potty. I proceeded to do this 2 more times while we were there over a 40 minute period (terrified he would shit in the playground tunnel). During one of the visits he started to pee, except it was sort of trickling out over the top of the toilet since… well, let’s just say with the way things are positioned around the chub down there, it, uh… points straight forward. (OMG, he might need therapy for me typing that someday.) Without thinking I reached over and tried to push it down, except somehow it ended up shooting up and out of the toilet in a perfect arc right onto my pants and shoes. Without flinching or screaming I reached over, grabbed a bunch of toilet paper cleaned myself and the floor off and we headed out to wash our hands. As I was eating my milkshake, I looked down and the still damp spot on my pants and realized it just didn’t bother me one bit that I was walking around in my son’s urine. I’m such a mom.

What about you? What are your “I’m such a mom” moments?

Kendall is 2 (and in big boy undies ALL day except naps and nighttime) and I’m 15 weeks pregnant.

Just a reminder that I was voted for Funniest and Blog I’ve Learned the Most From for the Social Luxe Blog Luxe awards (thanks for the nominations!!). I would LOVE your support and vote! You can vote until July 12th and once a day if you’d like. Click here to go to the voting page. Thank you!

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  1. My husband could give you a list of his “I’m such a Dad” moments that sounds a lot like this. If a bad driver gets within a lane of our car he gets all “CAN’T YOU SEE I HAVE A BABY IN HERE?!?!” on them.

    It’s a beautiful thing.

  2. Last night as I crawled into bed, I had to stop to remove 3 nesting blocks, a play kitchen pot and spoon (for soup making I can only assume), a huge wooden truck puzzle piece, a plastic screw (from his workbench set), and a domino from under my duvet before I could get in.

    I remember thinking, ‘wow, this is my life now’ … lol.

  3. My 3 & 1/2 year old is on a roll with the “But why, Mommy?” questions about EVERYTHING. I mean seriously, he says the word “why” approximately 73 times a day. Yesterday, in frustration, I actually said….”Because I said so, that’s why!” OMG. I’m done for.

  4. it would have to be when we were on vacation and a little girl fell on her bike in front of my site. i immediately had tissues, water, a hug and a bandaid, and helped her back to her mommy. who else besides a mom walks around with wipes and bandaids in their purse at all timse?

  5. I know “I’m such a Mom” when I get annoyed at the complex maintenance people scraping away old paint on the side of my building. They happened to be right under my daughter’s window during naptime. Luckily they didn’t wake her up, but if they had. Lord help them. I might have muttered at them under my breath. How can one recover from that? lol

  6. While at DSW, the 18-year old, trendily dressed cashier with perfect hair watched in silence (horror?) as my 9-month old fussed in his stroller, my 3-year old spun in awkward circles singing the song from “Tinkerbell,” and in my quest to find my wallet in my purse, I first pulled out and had to put on the counter 1) sippy with water, 2) snack cup of craisins, 3) snack cup of puffs, 4) burp cloth, and 5) two baby toys. I either need a bigger purse or to give up and just carry a diaper bag.

    At their recent check-ups, my son was screaming from anger, teething, and exhaustion the entire visit. I tried everything I could to keep him quiet – including letting him gnaw on my car keys and cell phone. I didn’t even think twice over the fact he was drooling on metal and electronics that surely weren’t very sanitary…I was just happy he was quiet. I realized afterwards it wasn’t the best thing to do in front of the pediatrician.

    Related to the first part of your post: the other night, I handed my daughter her toothbrush and said, “Here, you can take that” or something – and she started going, “Take it, take it, take it…” and I was, “Whaaaa?….oh! No, no…not good!” Time to find the “All Barry Manilow, All the Time” station in the car.

  7. Ah yes, the urine covered clothes. Theirs and mine. Especially from the times we’re out hiking and I let them squat in the woods. Too funny. I remember that happened once and we went out for ice cream afterwards. I could’ve cared less but my oldest was crying “mom I have pee on me” and I was like “Shh, do you want people to hear you?” 🙂

  8. Haha…I totally understand the urine thing–in fact, it is not all that unsual for me to be cleaning up a dirty diaper and suddenly realize I have poo on my hand. Before Mommyhood, I would have gagged, left the baby, and ran to wash my hand…now, I just wipe it off an keep changing. Sigh.

  9. I just read those lyrics and I think my eyes are like this: O_O

    As for the “I’m such a mom” moments, I was out to dinner with some co-workers for a meeting (an actual dinner with adults! and beer!) and in order to get to my wallet, I pulled out a container of hand sanitizer, a pocket pack of baby wipes, and a container of cheerios. And they (both men, no children) looked at me like I’d grown three arms.

    I also find random toys in my kitchen cabinets. That’s always fun. It’s like a little prize!

  10. I catch vomit in my hands, if that doesn’t make me a mom I don’t know what does.

    Found your blog from Twitter and I am totally digging it. 🙂

  11. If it helps you any, I get totally pissed off at people who drive fast in my neighborhood or alley. I even yell at them. Because you don’t have to have kids to recognize a dumb-ass when you see one. (Also, I have neighbor kids I love and of course there’s the dog)

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