You know, as a parent I know better than to utter this phrase. I’ve been proven wrong too many times.
But I can say with 100% confidence, without a shred of doubt, that I will NEVER be a parent who lets my child get away with hatred toward the disabled or those of different backgrounds, beliefs, cultures, races or sexual orientation. And I can PROMISE that I will NEVER be a parent who models this sort of behavior and sanctions it, who throws so much EFFORT into teaching my child intolerance that I help to organize a private party that purposefully excludes a courageous young lesbian, her girlfriend and kids with disabilities on prom night.
A Missippi federal court ruled on March 23rd that Constance McMillen’s high school violated her first amendment rights when it cancelled the school’s prom instead of allowing her to bring her girlfriend and to wear a tux to the event. I was following the story fairly closely at that point (a fan of Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom on Facebook), and was so THRILLED to hear of her victory.
Tonight, I sit here disgusted, pounding at my keyboard with purpose after reading about the fake “prom” Constance and 2 learning disabled students were mislead into attending (a total of 7 attendees, according to Constance and another source) on Friday, April 2nd while the rest of the students attended a secret prom or private party put on by their PARENTS.
And though I know it had to be terribly disappointing for her to be stabbed in the back so blatantly, Constance is still a shining example of grace and dignity. I teared up when I read this quote from her interview with The Advocate:
Two students with learning difficulties were among the seven people at the country club event, McMillen recalls. “They had the time of their lives,” McMillen says. “That’s the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn’t have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom].”
Have we really not come so far? Will my efforts as a parent to teach my child love and respect and equality for ALL people be only a drop in the bucket of such idiocy and poison? SHAME ON YOU, you people who call yourselves parents, you people who encourage this blatant discrimination. I WILL NEVER stand for this level of hatred to contaminate the world I dream of for my children.
I really want to know need to know I’m not alone here. Please, please comment below if you can also say with certainty that you will NEVER raise your children to think this treatment of any other person is ever acceptable. Please. Lurkers, new readers, old readers. Let’s make sure our voices are heard in support of equality for everyone.
As a sidenote, I spent over an hour scouring the internet for links to site. Not a single major news network is reporting on this at this time, but I can get all the coverage on Tiger Woods, Jesse James and their wandering dicks that a girl could ever dream of.
****EDITED TO ADD****
Thanks to Jenn for bringing this comment to my attention from
http://lafiga.firedoglake.com/2010/04/05/the-meanest-town-in-america-fake-prom-for-lesbian-student/
**Open Minded Readers Only**
I am a senior at IAHS, and I’ve known Constance for the last 6 years. Please hear our side of the story before you decide on our fate.
The party we had in Evergreen (the county neighborhood I live in) is 30 mins away from the school. we rented out the community center, hired vendors, decorated, and our parents ran the security/chaperone staff- but it wasn’t prom. Prom was at the country club where constance and 7 other students were. The reason the senior class boycotted the actual prom was not because we hate gays. We wanted a drama-free gathering to celebrate 3 great years and 1 lousy one together, and we wanted to lay low. We also wanted to do it without the main cause of the lousy. What people are failing to realize is that much of the fault of this whole stink lies with Constance, not her mistreatment by the school district, but her crazy-reckless need for attention. It sounds mean and horrible and like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco. As a whole we didn’t support her decision to throw the district under the bus, or her insinuations that we’re all just a bunch ‘a hicks driving around in beater pick up trucks spitting tobacco and burning crosses. IAHS is one of the top schools in the state and I’m proud of that, and I’m proud that we took a stand and just said you know what? forget it, we have just as much right as you do to have a party for ourselves. So we did, and now we’re getting flack because poor Connie’s ego got a bit of bruising. She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants. This time, we didn’t just let her.
Take it as you will, because I’m sure it sounds like we faked her out, but understand this- the decision NOT to attend prom had nothing to do with the school or with Constance’s sexual preferences; it had everything to do with proving we weren’t going to let her and the ACLU steamroll us into doing what Constance wanted. We flexed the muscle of the majority and we’ll suffer the consequences.
I just…wow… I have no words. Assuming this actually is an IAHS student, which I have no reason to believe different, my God. You showed them, didn’t you? Can’t wait to see how far that self entitlement takes you and the rest of your “drama-free” friends in life.
Right there with you. NEVER will I allow that in my home!
I can’t believe, they did that. What a bunch of asses.
Ahem. Took me a minute to post a comment as I felt the need to step away and yarf in my wastebasket.
Shame on a whole lot of people. No, I would never stand for it. And you know what? There’s hope. My teenagers (16, 14, and 12) know a hell of a lot better than that. I’ve SEEN them behave better than that; my boys have interrupted bully behavior at the neighborhood park many times.
Egad, what gets into people? I mean, seriously. They probably call themselves “adults.”
I will NEVER have that kind of hate around my home either!
I am signing your pledge – I will NEVER. Raising children to EMBRACE (not just accept) people of all kinds was something I talked to MH about long before even thinking about marriage. It would have been a deal breaker if he did not wholeheartedly agree.
Hear, hear.
Couldn’t agree with you more. It is appalling to me that people would behave in this way. I will NEVER teach my children that this is ever acceptable.
This story completely disgusted me and I can with 100% certainty say that I will NEVER raise my child to believe that hate is acceptable.
Never. Not ever. Thank you for posting/tweeting/FBing this. I’m shocked no one else has.
It’s so sad and disheartening that the big media outlets don’t seem to care. Twitter on the other hand seems to have a lot to say as do many bloggers. I am no where near having kids but I dont want to teach them to hate.
Tell you the truth, living in Baltimore, a fairly progressive city, I often forget what life is like for normal people who live among the crazies. Bigotry and Hatred are easy enough to justify when you’re alone, but when you’re a part of a hateful society you don’t even give it a second thought.
I refuse to condone that form of hatred in my household.
That is just horrible. I felt so sad reading that article. I fully agree with you and that kind of hatred will never surround my home.
I can’t imagine this ever being okay. And there will never be a time where I will accept intolerance toward any other human being in my house. Especially because my son comes from parents with mixed backgrounds, and we have friends of all races, religions, and sexual identities.
I identify with Constance and have been following her story. My stomach sunk when I read of her experience. No one should ever have to go through that. I can’t believe there are so many students AND parents who would allow this to happen. I am just absolutely disgusted. Thank you for speaking out about this.
AMEN!! Regardless of how you feel about gay marriage or any other issue out there, there is NO REASON for this. NO REASON. It is unacceptable and I really hope it’s not a representation of Americans in general; hopefully it’s just a small, ignorant, idiotic, tiny sliver of the population that would do such a thing to a kid.
WTF is wrong with people?! seriously planning a “secret” prom?! You would think the parents were still in high school with this kind of behavior – what happened to teaching our children MORALS?! It’s no wonder that there are these 20-something freaks walking around disrespecting everything and anything they cross…ugh, this is such a sore spot for me (maybe I’ve just gotten “old?”)
I will NEVER NEVER NEVER condone any kind of this behavior! Just because you don’t agree with someone’s lifestyle, doesn’t give you the right to degrade them!
Karma…she’s a bitch and I hope she finds these people!
oh my goodness. So horrid. so horrid. What were their parents teaching them by throwing their own prom. That hate is cool? That hate is OK? Awful
Eh, you already know how I feel. But I just wanted to add that these are the SAME EXACT TYPES OF PEOPLE who sent me hate mail after the gender-neutral parenting show. These people who say we’re going straight to hell for letting our boys be whoever they want. These people who allow their kids to bully other kids until they hang themselves. It’s all hateful and intolerant and gross.
Amazing how some ppl STILL don’t get it!
We all have blood that runs thru our viens and we all belong to the largest race in the world… the human race! its so sad that ppl still don’t understand! This is a great post and hopefully will help to open a few more eyes! thx for sharing!
I agree with Molly – WTF is up with the parents to plan a secret prom? They should know better and be better than that! That’s so so sad that something like that can still happen today. Plus when you add in that students with disabilities were also marginalized it just makes me sick.
Wow… that is SO SAD! And the parents had so much.. if not everything to do with that. Come on people… don’t be afraid of those who aren’t like you!!
Yeah, that whole situation makes me sick. It’s amazing the kind of things people think are perfectly right to do to their fellow humans. It saddens me that so many people do things like this while calling themselves Christians and wondering what Jesus would do.
Unbelievable. I’m with you 100%. Where was the school board in all of this? They must be able to intervene if it’s a “school” event!! I am left thinking they were in agreement with the moronic behaviour of the other parents. Sad sad sad. My children are already being taught we are all Equal.
As a teacher, I can tell you that the school system is legally untouchable in this because their response to her request was simply to cancel the prom. Even though she won in court, forcing the district to reinstate the prom she attended, it’s the parents here whose actions are unconscionable. I don’t think for one minute that the school board had no idea what was going on, but the school board can’t control the actions of a group of private citizens to keep them from organizing this kind of hatred.
I hesitate to say never about almost everything but this is one this I can firmly say I will never allow in my home. Hate and ugliness like this is shameful. Children will be mean sometimes but the fact that it was encouraged by the parents of almost an entire school is appalling. It’s even worse that it’s not making headlines. Discrimination of any kind is wrong. When I have children they will be taught to be loving, kind and accepting of everyone, no matter how different they might seem.
Like you I am not one to say, “I will never” because it pretty much means you WILL. I have even blogged about it. But in this case I agree. I will NEVER,NEVER,NEVER raise my children to think it is OK to hate anyone, based on race, religion, sexual orientation, mental capacity, handicap, or socioeconomic status. My children are in a position to see more sides than most people. They are bi-racial and we have a special needs son. Thank God we live in an area where most people don’t look twice toward bi-racial families. I don’t think I could live some where that did. I would have to leave. I am sickened tonight. I hope and pray we can raise a generation of people who let go of this hate and judgment.
I don’t know what’s worse, the parents who were so deceitful, mean and hatefilled or the media who dropped the story.
Personally, I HATE the word “tolerance.” We should be doing more than tolerating people who are different from us. We should be embracing them, learning from them, finding common ground with them.
You are absolutely right. Great point about “tolerance”.
It is shocking to me that this could go on in 2010. There is no way I would tolerate that kind of attitude in my home from my children, their friends or anyone else.
Unbelievable.
Never. I’m so disgusted right now I can’t form complete sentences. How f*cking juvenile of ADULTS. As “proof” I offer up that my father came over for dinner (white male, early 60′s) and asked if the parents of my goddaughter were worried about their 5 year-old daughter who chooses to dress in boy’s clothes. “Worried? Worried about what, dad?” “Um, nothing. You know, sexual, um, issues.” A major rant ensued where I told him my 2 year-old desperately wanted pink Hello Kitty rain boots and if they had them in his size he’d be walking around today in pink shoes. Should he be worried? And what if it turns out he’s gay? Then I ended dinner.
The Huffington Post is carrying it tonight:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/05/constance-mcmillen-fake-p_n_525856.html
I’m hoping since they picked it up other outlets will have it in the morning.
I will never let my kids get away with treating another human being so despicably. They’ll learn it’s not even an option to consider. Playground teasing and bullying is inevitable at school – but this is so far beyond.
While I live in a relatively open-minded area (I remember when it was cool to identify as “bi” in high school), I’m worried that these are the kind of parents that could be my peer group before I know it. Their kids could be classmates of mine. I hate the idea of my kids having the difficult task of standing up to them. Hopefully their acceptance of all walks of life will overpower (or at least cancel out) the intolerance of others.
Clearly many think being gay is a choice. Until science proves them wrong (and even after, I’m sure), this sort of thing will happen. They feel she picked this lifestyle, so she’ll have to expect certain consequences. Whatever. But to include disabled students in this mess??? Atrocious. How could anyone EVER justify that? Without more details available, I’ll take Constance’s word for it that they had a good time. But as a mom, my heart *hurts* for what those students’ parents must have felt, seeing their children singled out so cruelly.
Disgusting, absolutely disgusting! When I first heard about this, I thought WTF?! This makes me extremely sad for the world our boys may be growing up in. I feel massively thankful to have gone to a high school that allowed homosexual students attend all events, and we even had a guy who wore dresses to school…and the admin. ensured that students didn’t bully him. Ugh…let’s hope those students don’t end up breeding…
You are definitely not alone! I was raised to accept all people, no matter what – regardless of abilities or disabilities, race, color, religion, looks, social status, whatever – my mother was adamant on instilling in us that we are all created equal. And I, in turn, am trying my darnedest to instill that in my children as well.
I must say though, it is HARD to do – when my 11 year old comes home from school with words like ‘gay’ and ‘retarded’, not knowing what their true meaning is, but instead thinking they’re just another word for ‘stupid’. Argh! I don’t know how many times I’ve had to sit him down and explain the meanings of certain words and why it’s so horrible to just blurt them out! I know in his mind, he’s not degrading anyone mentally challenged or homosexual (or whatever other word seems to be the word-of-the-week on bus) – but it would sure sound like it to someone overhearing it!
The sad thing is that I know some of the older kids know darn well what they’re saying – but they’ve been raised to think that it’s ok to actually ‘hate’ someone. Makes me sick!
I just can not believe that the school did nothing about this whole situation. And it’s even more sickening that the parents who organized this ‘secret’ prom actually thought it was an acceptable thing to do. In this day and age, there is no excuse for such ignorance and intolerance.
That whole situation is disgusting. Those parents should be ashamed of themselves. I will never teach my child to hate like that, nor will I tolerate it.
As a lesbian myself, my heart is heavy hearing about what Constance has had to go through. I didn’t come out until I was 19, well past the high school years, and yet I still lost many friends and had family members turn their backs on me because I finally was able to come to terms with my sexuality. Constance and every other teen that comes out during high school are amazing and stronger than I ever was.
Those kinds of parents are what I loathe about society today….I don’t have children yet and it, again, makes my heart heavy to think of what my children will go through because they will have two moms…
Thank you for speaking out and for being the opposite of what those nasty people in Mississippi are.
I’m British and hadn’t heard of this news story, but I’d like to add my voice to those above and say that I too think that the actions of that school and the parents were unacceptable.
What did they think they were teaching their children by doing that?
You are definitely not alone! The behavior of those parents is deplorable and I feel sorry for the children that are being raised that way. Their parents are doing them a real disservice.
Unfortunately, it’s a small town. I still have members of my family that make gay/racial/fat jokes at the dinner table. I cringe. But try telling them any different. They live in a small town. KKK is nearby. Rolls eyes. We have FAMILY members that are gay, not that sit at the table while they are making jokes of course, but it is SO hard to just sit there and say nothing to keep the peace. I’m already the odd duck out, so I try not to say anything unless asked a direct question, in which case it’s something along the lines of God made them that way or the joke was really funny except the black part. They don’t ‘get’ that joking about it makes them sound like idiots, whether they truly discriminate or not. So, no, we won’t EVER do that. Jeez.
I hear you on this. My family is the same way. They’ve learned to keep it quiet around me, but my DH still struggles with when to tell them to shut up.
Oh, Jill. You’ve got a supporter in me. All children, ESPECIALLY children, deserve tolerance and equal opportunities. And LOVE. And I, for one, will be teaching my child to love everyone, and to tolerate everyone, because that’s the same thing I’d want done for him.
I think I’ll be posting about this later on my own blog, and I’ll be sure to link back.
I will NEVER. Nope, never. Nuh uh.
I am with you! That is exactly why I’d like to one day get out of this area we live in and move somewhere a little more “accepting”. I try to model treating all people equal, but it’s all around us here (unfortunately, sometimes from our own families).
I had so many different emotions reading that article. In the end, I honestly just cried. I cried for every child, every person out there that has experienced this type of hatred towards them. It breaks my heart that in a world where we spend so much time caring about the “stuff”, that we can hurt fellow human beings so deeply. It breaks my heart, and I mourn the loss of what great people all those haters could have been, had they only been taught respect instead of prejudice.
I will NEVER. Nor will I let anyone get away with hateful comments anywhere near my child.
Ugh, it just makes me sick. I will never allow that kind of hatred and intolerance in my house.
My mom always tells me this heartbreakin story about how one of her best friends in High School came out and immediately got kicked out of his house. My mom’s parents (my grandparents that passed away before my parents were every married) took him in. They fed him and clothed him and gave him a roof over his head for months until he worked things out to go back home.
My grandparent’s embraced someone who was “different” in a time where it was not even close to acceptable.
I will never let them down.
Right there with you. It is of utmost importance to me to teach my son tolerance and acceptance towards all people, regardless of their race, creed, sexuality, mental/physical capabilities, etc. This story really disturbed me. It is so difficult for me to believe that so many parents would not only allow this sort of discrimination to go on, but that they’d band together to organize it. Disgusting.
it makes me so sad that parents are such instigators of hate and judgment. at the present time, my little girl loves all people, wherever and whenever we meet them. and it is my prayer and my goal as a parent to see that that is never squashed.
and for all the kids who attended the “secret” prom, the chances are great that at least some of them have some kind of “secret” themselves that they have already learned their families and friends will find unacceptable. how sad for them too, when the hate the parents breed turns inward.
Never. This is horrendous, and I hope those parents and their children see the disgusting thing they have done.
100% with you. Never.
I am so angry I can’t collect my thoughts enough to convey my displeasure. I wish there was something that I could do to help her, to let her know that not everyone is like that. I hope that my child will never know this level of bigotry.
Jill, I am so proud of you for using your blog to denounce these parents. I hope that so many people respond and join your pledge to never treat others this way and that they share your blog with enough of their friends that it catches the attention of the media some how. I’m with you, I am so tired of hearing people defend and otherwise cover Tiger Woods, Jesse James, ect but to not bring this to light, to in any way let these parents begin to get away with this is horrible. What a brave and beautiful young woman Constance is. What a lesson she has given in grace and strength. No matter what your moral and religious views are the very basic rule of human decency is so simple, “treat others as you wish to be treated” you don’t have to agree, you don’t have to condone, you don’t have to try some one else’s way of life, just “treat others the way you wish to be treated”
Right there with you. Absolutely disgusting.