You know, as a parent I know better than to utter this phrase. I’ve been proven wrong too many times.
But I can say with 100% confidence, without a shred of doubt, that I will NEVER be a parent who lets my child get away with hatred toward the disabled or those of different backgrounds, beliefs, cultures, races or sexual orientation. And I can PROMISE that I will NEVER be a parent who models this sort of behavior and sanctions it, who throws so much EFFORT into teaching my child intolerance that I help to organize a private party that purposefully excludes a courageous young lesbian, her girlfriend and kids with disabilities on prom night.
A Missippi federal court ruled on March 23rd that Constance McMillen’s high school violated her first amendment rights when it cancelled the school’s prom instead of allowing her to bring her girlfriend and to wear a tux to the event. I was following the story fairly closely at that point (a fan of Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom on Facebook), and was so THRILLED to hear of her victory.
Tonight, I sit here disgusted, pounding at my keyboard with purpose after reading about the fake “prom” Constance and 2 learning disabled students were mislead into attending (a total of 7 attendees, according to Constance and another source) on Friday, April 2nd while the rest of the students attended a secret prom or private party put on by their PARENTS.
And though I know it had to be terribly disappointing for her to be stabbed in the back so blatantly, Constance is still a shining example of grace and dignity. I teared up when I read this quote from her interview with The Advocate:
Two students with learning difficulties were among the seven people at the country club event, McMillen recalls. “They had the time of their lives,” McMillen says. “That’s the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn’t have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom].”
Have we really not come so far? Will my efforts as a parent to teach my child love and respect and equality for ALL people be only a drop in the bucket of such idiocy and poison? SHAME ON YOU, you people who call yourselves parents, you people who encourage this blatant discrimination. I WILL NEVER stand for this level of hatred to contaminate the world I dream of for my children.
I really want to know need to know I’m not alone here. Please, please comment below if you can also say with certainty that you will NEVER raise your children to think this treatment of any other person is ever acceptable. Please. Lurkers, new readers, old readers. Let’s make sure our voices are heard in support of equality for everyone.
As a sidenote, I spent over an hour scouring the internet for links to site. Not a single major news network is reporting on this at this time, but I can get all the coverage on Tiger Woods, Jesse James and their wandering dicks that a girl could ever dream of.
****EDITED TO ADD****
Thanks to Jenn for bringing this comment to my attention from
http://lafiga.firedoglake.com/2010/04/05/the-meanest-town-in-america-fake-prom-for-lesbian-student/
**Open Minded Readers Only**
I am a senior at IAHS, and I’ve known Constance for the last 6 years. Please hear our side of the story before you decide on our fate.
The party we had in Evergreen (the county neighborhood I live in) is 30 mins away from the school. we rented out the community center, hired vendors, decorated, and our parents ran the security/chaperone staff- but it wasn’t prom. Prom was at the country club where constance and 7 other students were. The reason the senior class boycotted the actual prom was not because we hate gays. We wanted a drama-free gathering to celebrate 3 great years and 1 lousy one together, and we wanted to lay low. We also wanted to do it without the main cause of the lousy. What people are failing to realize is that much of the fault of this whole stink lies with Constance, not her mistreatment by the school district, but her crazy-reckless need for attention. It sounds mean and horrible and like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco. As a whole we didn’t support her decision to throw the district under the bus, or her insinuations that we’re all just a bunch ‘a hicks driving around in beater pick up trucks spitting tobacco and burning crosses. IAHS is one of the top schools in the state and I’m proud of that, and I’m proud that we took a stand and just said you know what? forget it, we have just as much right as you do to have a party for ourselves. So we did, and now we’re getting flack because poor Connie’s ego got a bit of bruising. She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants. This time, we didn’t just let her.
Take it as you will, because I’m sure it sounds like we faked her out, but understand this- the decision NOT to attend prom had nothing to do with the school or with Constance’s sexual preferences; it had everything to do with proving we weren’t going to let her and the ACLU steamroll us into doing what Constance wanted. We flexed the muscle of the majority and we’ll suffer the consequences.
I just…wow… I have no words. Assuming this actually is an IAHS student, which I have no reason to believe different, my God. You showed them, didn’t you? Can’t wait to see how far that self entitlement takes you and the rest of your “drama-free” friends in life.
This is part of the reason we have chosen to homeschool our children…I often make the mistake of thinking that most people are probably “just like me”, but I fear that I find, time and time again, that they are much like the HS student who wrote that ignorant, self-serving response.
It really does take a village to raise a child, and I am choosing to create my village with the help of similar-minded (and hearted) friends, family and community members so that we will at least know that OUR children will be messengers of the values of love, compassion, and tolerance. It is my fondest hope that they carry that message into the world and touch as many lives as possible with it.
I vow to never passively witness hatred or ignorance without trying to advocate for mediation, communication and education…and I promise my children will be even better at it than I am since they will not have a lifetime of negative thought-patterns to overcome like I have
I totally agree with your statement: “I will NEVER be a parent who lets my child get away with hatred toward the disabled or those of different backgrounds, beliefs, cultures, races or sexual orientation.”
you’re not alone. i’m in the never camp.
I’m wondering if any of these students, parents, educators or administrators who did not want the lesbians and disabled kids to ruin the party are at all involved in any kind of church or place of worship. I’m fairly certain that there are many Christians in this part of the United States of America and even though Christians don’t have a monopoly on or exclusive rights to LOVE, GRACE and HUMILITY, those are the qualities that I cherish in my Christian friends. It’s really sad that you went to the trouble of having a whole other separate party just so you could exclude the ‘lepers’. You came out of this one looking pretty shallow.
We are 100% with you. We plan to raise our son and future children to be tolerant and respectful of ALL people, no matter their situation/background. Thank you for writing this!
Couldn’t agree more – my almost-two-year-old will be raised to respect EVERYONE. Thanks for writing this.
I totally agree with you and hope to follow that idea in our house as well. Occasionally grandparents and others will get in the way, but I would hope that my wife and I would be the main motivators in his life. Thanks for the post.
All of it makes me so stabby. I hope Constance can look past all this hate and realize that she is better than them. Plus I bet she didn’t look like a peacock threw up a rainbow in her outfit.
I will NEVER. You are not alone
“I will NEVER”
I completely agree with you.
You aren’t alone. “I will NEVER”. When it’s so easy to teach a child tolerance, why would I ever choose to teach intolerance? I will teach my child tolerance, acceptance, and love.
I too have been following this story from the beginning. My husband and I were so excited when we read that they were allowing her and her date to go to the Prom. “Finally,” we thought, “they finally came to their senses.” But this is horrible, mean-spirited and cruel. The fact that parents would condone their children to do this, and even encourage it, is mind-boggling.
I echo your sentiments. I WILL NEVER!
Thank you for publishing this!
I read that yesterday. I was livid. Like, listening to Ann Coulter livid. If you get a chance though, check out the comments by moralsandethics on the thread. They are increduble eloquent, and really nail some of the major fallacies.
Also interesting: http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=XSAfAAAAIBAJ&sjid=qacEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6862,5131613
It’s unfortunate that it still goes on, but it gives me hope that changes can be made.
*incredibly
I will never, either. I’m 100% with you! I will teach my son tolerance.
I completely agree. I find the whole thing sad and disgusting. Thanks for getting the word out.