Laughing because…what else can I do?

So… as many of you know, negotiations for the second kiddo commenced a while back. I’ve received many fabulous bottles of wine out of the deal, and many late Saturday and even Sunday mornings. It took us three solid months of “trying” before I got pregnant with Kendall, so I was expecting as much this time around. Imagine my surprise when last Sunday morning I woke at 6 am, queasy and 2 days late on only our 2nd cycle.

I quietly snuck out of bed, grabbed the lone leftover test from last month’s pee-on-a-stick-a-thon and discovered minutes later my urine produced 2 pink lines. The second wasn’t very dark, but definitely noticeable and not much lighter than the first one I got with Kendall. I hopped back in bed, abruptly woke Scott by shoving the stick in his face while saying, “Turn on the light. Are there TWO lines?” I’ve never been able to pull off the well executed reveal,  complete with pink and blue balloon release and encrypted map that leads to a bun in the oven.

We squealed in bed together, but it was obvious we both kept our level of excitement at bay… guarded a bit. It was really early. I promised myself I wouldn’t think too much about it until the end of the week, but quickly broke that promise by downloading various Iphone apps that tracked out each milestone for me and revealed the due date would be the week before Thanksgiving. I mean, could we have planned it any better?

Scott left for a week long business trip Monday morning. On Tuesday morning I started spotting.  Surprisingly, I wasn’t that alarmed by it. I spotted so much with Kendall in the 1st trimester I figured maybe that’s just my body’s way of dealing with pregnancy. By Wednesday morning it was much worse than I ever experienced with Kendall and I began to come to terms with this pregnancy not ending well. Really, I wasn’t that upset. I mean, I wasn’t happy. I was incredibly irritated and hormonal, but you know, now is SO much better than later.

Never having been through this before, I called the OB/MW office. They insisted I come in. That was at 11:30 on our way home from the bounce house for lunch. They wanted me in at 1:30. It’s a 30 minute drive from  here. It had already been a morning that tested my patience. Kendall, as of late, thinks it’s totally acceptable to hit random kids at the bounce house, which was all SORTS of fun. He was pissy, I was hormonal. I barely had time to make him something to eat while I frantically tried to fill out my insurance information online. Lo and behold, my insurance card was lost. Oh, it was one giant clusterfuck just trying to get out of the house. Then we drove 30 minutes only to end up at the building the office used to be in 4 years ago, thank you very much you DUMBASS GOOGLE. Then it took me another 20 minutes to find the correct location.

We arrived at the (seriously gorgeous) office nearly an hour late at 2:20. Did I mention Kendall normally naps from 1 to 4? And something odd happens to my kid when he skips a nap. He doesn’t become sleepy. He’s never been one to just fall asleep wherever he’s at. No, he becomes some sort of psycho, cracked out, hyperactive animal. This office looked like it could have been a spa, and here’s my kid, tearing the place apart. I was dizzy just trying to keep him from scaling the ornate tables to get to the intricate “wower” arrangements. Did I mention I didn’t have time to eat anything? Did I mention the whole nausea thing was still going strong? Since I was an hour late, they, understandably, had to make me wait so they could work me back into the schedule. It felt like an f-ing eternity. I know I got all kinds of “my kid will NEVER” looks from all the newly pregnant women. 

I had to give a urine sample,which was a whole new level of awkward and challenging with a toddler in the bathroom. I was literally holding the cup of pee over my head while my son pointed and shouted, “Juice!” He was trying to climb on my lap to reach the cup, I was trying to get my underwear back up without getting any bodily fluids on him or me. He played with the stack of clean cups, then reached for the Sharpie just as I was buttoning my pants.

We burst out of the bathroom, visibly unsettled, and the nurse called us back to the room. She went over my history with me, asked some questions, and pretty much told me what I already knew – that this was most likely not a viable pregnancy. Then she left me alone in the room with the table and the stirrups and lots of drawers full of off limits things and a toddler for what seemed like another f-ing eternity. When the nurse practitioner finally made it in, Kendall was playing with/chewing on two giant q-tips they use to swab vaginas. Clean, I promise. She told me she wanted to do an exam. I raised my eyebrows and looked over at Kendall as he chewed on the blown up glove she just handed him while running circles around the table.

“Do you think we could give him a lollipop?” she asked.

“I don’t care if you give him a bowl of sugar. Whatever you’ve got to keep him occupied for a minute. That would be great,” I replied.

Apparently, she took me seriously and came back to the room with two giant frosted sugar cookies.  Luckily, she also brought another nurse to use as a babysitter. At one point soon after, I’m laying there with my feet up in the stirrups, surely bleeding all over the place, and the NP asks the babysitternurse to hand her some stuff. Kendall takes the opportunity to walk over to the side of the table, look up at me, face covered in frosting, smile and say “Momma! Owie? Momma! Cookie?”

Wow… this is so not what I ever, ever thought would ever be a scene from my life.

“At least he has no idea what’s going on,” the nurse said. Yeah, at least. This was totally one of those moments in life that you have to laugh at, or else you’ll just fall apart and go crazy.

We left the room a complete and utter mess. I’m fairly certain they’re going to have to send the plush chair covers off to be dry cleaned to get all the green frosting off of them.

OH, and then I had to get blood drawn… with Kendall… in my lap. Luckily the tech was swift with the needle and he didn’t have any sudden movements at that very moment.

I’m going back in for a second blood draw tomorrow, and am so happy that a friend will be able to watch Kendall for me this time around. I guess we’ll just see where to go from here. Really, I wouldn’t know this to be any different from a late period if I hadn’t known to test as early as I did (just a little past 4 weeks, I think). So it’s not devastating or anything, just a bit annoying, I guess. But, 2 good things came from it. 1. I got to know my new OB/MW office very well, and am SUPER happy with them. They were so amazing with me and with Kendall. and 2. I got a tiny taste of pregnancy boobs for a few days, and momma liked it. Bring back the boobies!

Kendall is 22.5 months old

The hardest part about all of this was  not being able to blog about it! Things are so different this time around with TTC. This blog is no longer the anonymous sanctuary it once was, which leaves me trying to strike a balance between using this as the outlet I intended it for and keeping stuff private long enough for those close to me to find out from me and not my blog. To my friends and family that read this and may not know what happened, please understand. It’s not something I probably would have brought up with you right away anyway, but it does make a hilarious story now, and I’m sure I’d share it with you at some point over a glass of wine.

  • AllisonO - Laughing with you, my dear. Yes, the live feed blogging style does get a bit tricky with things like this, but I am so glad you eventually got to share with us (and that you have a ridiculously awesome perspective on the whole thing).

    Best to you and Scott.ReplyCancel

  • frantic foodie - I have been reading your blog for a while and love it! The situation sucks immensely but you took it well. You are inspiring.ReplyCancel

  • Kristi Maristi - Whoa, that sounds like a crazy. ass. day.
    I’m happy that you are able to deal with this situation so good and I hope next time around is the one!ReplyCancel

  • Jill - Thanks for all the kind words, ladies. I appreciate it. Off to bed now. Is it bad that I’m looking forward to the brief window of time I’ll be alone in the car tomorrow to drink my drive through coffee in peace and jam out to Top 40 hits?ReplyCancel

    • Lisa - Not in the least. Just a shame that you had to get pregnant to get the peace. :-)ReplyCancel

  • Lauren - Honey I’m so sorry. *HUGS*ReplyCancel

  • Mandy - you’re amazing. did you know that? i hope you know that. i mean really? make me laugh in a post that should be sad? you asshole.

    i’m sorry lady. i really am. even though it may be easy to make light of the sitch, it still sucks. you’re my hero for dealing with it the way you are. i know how i feel about my blog/twitter/online community (you included) and it would be SO hard not to ask for hugs, advice, vent, etc. we all love you and i hope you do know that!

    props for not doing what i would have done and yelled “JUST YOU WAIT!!” at the pregnant ladies in the waiting room.

    love you lady.ReplyCancel

  • Joanne - I am so, so sorry. Many wishes to a fast and healthy pregnancy.
    I could NOT help but laugh with the juice part-omg- totally can relate.ReplyCancel

  • Shannon Kieta - Jill:
    No matter how you look at it, it still sucks! But I am glad you found the lighter side of it. It’s better it happened then instead of four or six months into the pregnancy. This way, next time, you will have a full, healthy preganancy…complete with a healthy baby…GIRL! Next time though…GET A SITTER!!! hee hee!ReplyCancel

  • Lindsey - It seems that once your first is born (and is on his way to being a crazy two year old toddler) everything takes on a new meaning, huh? I couldn’t help but laugh picturing him in with you during your exam, and offering you a cookie!

    Honestly though, I’m sorry you are going through this and hope that the hubs comes home with more wine soon ;)ReplyCancel

  • Sarcastica - That sucks, but I’m glad you seem to be okay!

    Hilarious OB appointment story, gosh…can’t say I’m eager to get pregnant again and experience what it’s like taking my toddler to all the appointments, LMFAO. You are all kinds of brave! ;)ReplyCancel

  • Jill - I am sorry too. I have had a few friends just blurt out at 5 weeks to the whole of the internet/facebook, etc. that they were pregnant only to retract it a few days later. Talk about a horrifying retraction. I mean, what can you say, right? I’ve been to the point where you just laugh because it can’t go any more wrong, but I am sad, because every life is special, no matter how fleeting. I refused to take a test until I was good and sure I was pg the first time and will probably do so again, and then wait the first trimester to announce, just because. I wish you luck on your, endeavor, tee hee, because I had a lot of fun trying my first time around!ReplyCancel

  • Law Momma - Oh my. Yeah, laughing is about all you can do in that situation. I’m sorry, though, ’cause I know it’s hard when you start to get excited only to have to tell yourself nevermind. Hang in there and remember the cookies for the next visit!ReplyCancel

  • Callie - You know what? Kendall is such a blessing to you. He provided you with the impossible in a situation like that – laughs. How amazing!

    I am really sorry for your loss though. Even though it was an early loss, it still sucks. Hang in there and enjoy your wine (and your sweet boy).ReplyCancel

  • MrsEAM - Jill my thoughts and prayers are with you – for your sanity each day with Kendall and with this situation. You are an amazing mama! Kendall and any future children will be lucky to have you!ReplyCancel

  • Jess - Cheers to the next cycle! It has to make you feel good knowing the boy makes you laugh at your most weakest moments; one of the many joys of motherhood…one day at a time making memories. Sometimes all you can do is sigh and live in the moment. And have great stories to tell for years to come :)ReplyCancel

  • Amie - I’m so sorry, Jill. Next cycle will be it! And I seriously LOL’d about the “juice” moment. OMG.ReplyCancel

  • thenextmartha - First I want to say sorry and I am glad you can laugh about it now. You know those looks you were getting? Those women will be blessed with monster children cause I’m pretty sure that’s how karma works.ReplyCancel

  • c - This exact same thing just happened to my wife and I. Slightly fuzzy pregnancy test, November due date, spotting, etc., culminating in a lost pregnancy. I think she’s taking it really hard, and I don’t know what to do or say…ReplyCancel

    • Jill - Oh man I’m so sorry. I think all you can do is just be there for her. Listen to her, give her lots of hugs… and maybe some flowers? Or chocolate? Hope it happens for you guys next time around and that she starts to feel better soon.ReplyCancel

  • Snarky mom - I had a chemical pregnancy back in October and it did suck. But you are so right, it is so much worse later on. I’m sorry.

    That sounds like my experience at the OB’s office last time. The Toddler was into everything and The Girl kept trying to read the words on the posters on the wall. One can only listen to their 5 year old sound out Vagina so many times before the twitching starts. I have to take them both with me for my next appointment on Monday. I’m getting hives just thinking about it.ReplyCancel

  • Jessi - I’m so sorry Jill. You’re handling it so much better than I would. You really are amazing. And hilarious.ReplyCancel

  • Jill - Thanks everyone. I really hope the tone of this post doesn’t make it seem I’m making light of miscarriage. It certainly isn’t fun, and I’m so sorry to hear of other’s losses. I really appreciate all the kind, supportive words.ReplyCancel

  • Liz - I’m so sorry Jill. I just want to give you a big ole hug. Good luck TTC. The imagery is hilarious but I know it must be hard. I’m here if you need me.ReplyCancel

  • krysta - oh JILL – I totally could have written this post! although not with the wit and humor that your post exudes… :)

    a few weeks ago, after a VERY early positive test – I too, started spotting. I went into the OB that morning and they did labs – called me back and said my hcG levels were very low and that I was likely miscarrying. so I spent the weekend coming to terms with it, and went back in on Monday for more labs. mondays labs were TRIPLE what Thursdays were – and they tripled again from Monday to Thursday.

    as it turns out, it was implantation spotting, and because of my crazy long cycle, I was just much earlier on than I (or the OB office for that matter) thought.

    hoping your story goes the way mine did – I definitely know the rollercoaster you’re on right now.

    and I did LOL at your moments with Kendall – he sure sounds like a spitfire! :)ReplyCancel

  • Erin - Aww..Jill I’m really sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I really think you have such a good attitude and an amazing ability to stay positive. As far as the looks from the other first time pregnant women…we all know they’ll find out soon enough ! Good luck to you ! Hugs.ReplyCancel

  • Taylor - Jill, you are officially my favorite blogger. You handled this unfortunate situation with humor and maturity. I was laughing out loud the whole post. I, however, would have said something to the uninitiated in the waiting room, but that’s what makes you a good person with a wicked sense of humor and me crazy lady who can’t keep her mouth shut! Best of luck trying again.ReplyCancel

  • Charlotte - I’m sorry, Jill. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way for the next cycle! (((hugs!)))ReplyCancel

  • TheFeministBreeder - You just got a little taste of what it’s like to have two kids!!! The first pregnancy is vastly easier with nobody else around to watch. Now, you’ve gotta figure out how to balance a pee cup on top of your head while the over-tired toddler smashes cookies into the freshly painted walls. It ain’t easy!

    You have also now officially transformed from the FTM who looks at other moms with the “well, MY kid would NEVER” glance to being the mom who gets stared at. It. Happens. To. The. Best. Of. Us. You know what I like to do in those situations? I like to say under my breath, “Oh, you bitches just wait!”

    Hoping you get a positive test next month.ReplyCancel

  • Megyn - All I have to say is that you are one brave woman! I would’ve been in tears by that point!

    As for your tests, I hope they go well. I went through a similar situation with my 2nd (and current) pregnancy…found out really soon, spotted, thought it wasn’t viable….then a week later they thought it was twins. No joke. Thankfully it’s just one little guy, but with finding out so early these days, it adds so much more stress and drama to the situation. Thinking positive thoughts for you!ReplyCancel

  • Jenni Williams - Laughing/crying with you. I am praying you get great news!ReplyCancel

  • Brett - Just read this and ditto everyone else. PS. When I saw the burger/fry video I couldn’t believe how big K is! Time is really flying, isn’t it?ReplyCancel

  • Jennifer S - You are so strong & brave & to have the ability to find a little bit of humor through of this makes you very admirable. My thoughts are with you.ReplyCancel

  • Maureen - I’m so sorry! Hugs! For the next couple of weeks, just enjoy some nice glasses of wine and here’s hoping for more good news soon!ReplyCancel

  • Megan - Oh Jill, I’m so sorry to hear about this. My heart goes out to you. I’m also sorry that I was cracking up reading this post. Very cringe-worthy! I’m glad you are always able to find the humor in any situation, even a sad one like this. Hang in there!! You ROCK!ReplyCancel

  • Upstatemomof3 - Oh Jill, I am just so sorry!! That has to be so hard! Good for you for trying to keep it light and humorous. I am not sure I would be able to do that. I have found that there are times that now that my blog is more out there I cannot say the things I want to. It makes it hard – because I have no outlet.

    I am thinking all kinds of good thoughts in hopes that things go better the next time you see two lines.ReplyCancel

  • Laura - I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope that you end up with good results.

    Way to find the funny side of a really awful situation! :)ReplyCancel

  • Mae - I tried to comment yesterday but the blackberry failed me again. I’m thrilled that you’re doing so well with the situation but it still sucks and I’m so sorry you have to go through it at all. The “juice” made me lol, I must admit. Many hugs.ReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Moore - I’m bummed for you. I’m glad you’re dealing with it okay. I always enjoy reading your blog. You make me laugh and I’m glad you can still laugh.ReplyCancel

  • Dani_Zaz - I appreciate the humor you are able to use to talk about a difficult subject. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks and I agree with you that it is better to happen earlier than later. However, it still sucked majorly. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.ReplyCancel

    • Jill - Oh Dani, I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sure I’d be much more shaken up at ten weeks. I can’t imagine. Sorry for your loss. ReplyCancel

  • Jessica (@ It's my life...) - Little kids definitely have a way of distracting you from what would probably have been a much more upsetting visit if he hadn’t been with you…

    I went once to a prenatal visit with my toddler in tow and she managed to fall backwards off the little round doctor stool… Doc walked in, me with my gown all splayed open, toddler HOWLING… good times.

    So very sorry this pregnancy didn’t work out the way you hoped.ReplyCancel

  • Mama23Bears - i literally just found your blog today. i am so sorry about what happend. such a sad story and the way you shared it made me laugh.ReplyCancel

  • Amanda - Oh Jill, I’m so sorry. That said, I had to laugh at the mental picture of K trying to climb on you to get to the cup of “juice”. Ah, toddlers.ReplyCancel

  • Mandy - Oh, Jill, I’m just so sorry. You have such a great attitude, though.ReplyCancel

  • emily bilbrey - read this post last week but stupidly didn’t comment – wanted to say i’m so sorry for your loss and the stress that came with it. i can’t directly sympathize because i’ve never been through it myself, but i am sending hugs from washington. also kudos to you for handling a tough situation with such grace. you are awesome, lady. xoxo!ReplyCancel

  • Kristin - OH JILL….we HAVE to meet! I am the P/T secretary, (after Kelly the first time) at your cousin, Valerie’s office.

    Wine…NOT OPTIONAL….:0)ReplyCancel

  • Thoughts On Adding Another- Would 3 Be Tempting Fate? - […] tempting fate. We have 2 healthy children. Beyond some 1st trimester spotting with Kendall and a chemical pregnancy and miscarriage before Leyna, I’ve had un-eventful, normal pregnancies (okay, so I ate rocks last time… […]ReplyCancel

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