Negotiations have commenced

I’ve had my boobs all to myself for 8 months. The marathon is over. Chick Fil-A is up and running. There are chicken biscuits less than 5 minutes from our house.

Kendall is nearly two (HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?), and I’m becoming entirely too used to getting 8 hours of sleep on a regular basis again.  In fact, I’m coming closer and closer to regaining a semblance of a sane routine that I fear will shut down the baby factory forever.  My body is in great shape. It’s possible if I keep up this workout regimen, I just might look pretty freaking amazing in a bathing suit this Summer.  I’m getting dangerously close to accepting life with one kid and moving on to getting another dog and running another marathon.

Problem is, we *want* more kids. *I* want more kids, I do. When I envision myself many years from now, I have more than just Kendall. He has brothers and/or sisters.

I know what I have to do to get there. I just shudder to think about it (no, not THAT, the parts that come after THAT). I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with chasing a toddler while dealing with a pregnancy. The thought of another colicky newborn makes me want to curl up in a fetal position and cry.  In contrast to my blissful ignorance prior to getting pregnant with Kendall, I KNOW TOO MUCH…and yet I don’t know enough. I don’t know HOW I will do it.

The “planner” part of me knows that now is the time, the window of opportunity is perfect. Though I don’t know how long it will take this time to get pregnant, hopefully I’d end up with the two kids 2.5 to 3 years apart. That’s what I always intended, you know, back before I hit “start” on the clock.  Scott argues that we just need to get all this “baby stuff” out of the way all at once, just throw ourselves into the world of newborns, infants and toddlers. The quicker we get in, the quicker we can get out.  In theory, I totally agree.

Why is it, then, that I just am NOT that into getting pregnant right now? Why is it I not only don’t have Baby Rabies, but I don’t even have a touch of Baby Fever?

I’m trying everything I can to re-ignite that feeling that I had before we got pregnant with Kendall. I’m looking at fancy baby gear and checking out the newborns other parents are toting around. I even requested a 0-6 sized onesie from when they offered to send me one of their adorable “Joint Production” creations. It’s freaking adorable, it is, and sometimes, if I look at it the right way, it sort of tickles my ovaries just enough to make me think, “Well, maybe….”

So, you see, it’s not that I *don’t* want another. I do. It’s not that I want to wait ten years. I don’t. I’m blaming this  hesitation on TOO MUCH INFORMATION and too much experience. I’ll take my blissful ignorance back, please.

Kendall is nearly 21 months old.