O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
You are not toddler friendly.
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Your colored lights are taunting.

He runs to you with arms held high,
You nearly poke him in the eye.
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Why’d we put you up so early?

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Martha’d say you are a pity.
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
You’re looking sort of wonky.

Pretty glass switched for shatterproof,
Which he loves to chuck across the room.
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
You’re a festive pain in the ass.

I wrote this little number in my head last night while re-hanging all the ornaments that Kendall took off of the tree throughout the evening. It’s something I do several times every day in hopes that he’ll finally leave them alone, which, according to Einstein, makes me insane.

I remember staying at my brother in law and sister in law’s house for Christmas a few years ago and thinking what a horrid mess their pathetic tree was. The ornaments were scarce, most of them concentrated on the top half of the tree. The few ornaments along the bottom were actually random toys shoved in between the branches. They had a 3 year old and a 1 year old at the time.

I mean, I think I understood, to a degree, that you just can’t have the glass covered, perfectly decorated tree with small children, but I recall thinking that things would somehow be “different” with us. That I would keep him away or he just wouldn’t be interested… or maybe that I would not mind spending my nights re-hanging ornaments on just the right branch. Again, another lovely example of naivety at work.

The tree is to my left, and from this view I can see that the ribbon is hanging to the floor, the tree skirt is balled up (Kendall likes to think it’s a blanket and snuggle with it), and the bottom half, with it’s branches twisted askew, is peppered with poorly placed plastic balls, giant jingle bells, and a spider finger puppet. Last night he put his football in it for safe keeping.

Next year I’m going to petition to wait to put the tree up until the week of Christmas. I don’t know how successful I’ll be considering Scott is Buddy The Elf’s first cousin and it’s all I can do to get him to Respect The Turkey and not put any decorations up or play any music until after Thanksgiving. Or maybe next year threats will work. Maybe next year he’ll fully grasp the concept of Santa and I’ll use that as leverage. Either way, I realized this week that I may not have a “beautiful” tree for a very long time, but I’m okay with that. The look of amazement on his face when I turn on the lights every morning, the Whoa!’s and Yay!’s are worth it.

Kendall is 19 months old

19 thoughts on “O Christmas Tree!”

  1. Hahaha. That’s so funny. And this? “Scott is Buddy The Elf’s first cousin and it’s all I can do to get him to Respect The Turkey and not put any decorations up or play any music until after Thanksgiving.” – I didn’t realize my husband had a twin!!

  2. Just randomly found your blog & did a cram session to get myself some what up to date with your blog. Finding that most of it sounded exactly like myself. (odd) Mostly the pregnancy/after stuff.. πŸ™‚ I have two boys of my own at age 23. Just wanted to say that I will be keeping up to date with your blog, good stuff. My sense of humor exactly. πŸ˜€ Have a nice day!

  3. one of the best tips i ever heard was to take all of his little toys, put ribbons on them and let him hang and rehang them along the bottom of the tree as “his” ornaments. He will probably do this for hours, every day!!

  4. I truly feel your pain. Except as of right now, it’s our pets destroying the tree. The cats and dog are a tag team of terror. The cats go after the particularly “spinny” ornaments, like the wooden nutcrackers, and knock them on the floor, at which point, my dog then grabs and tortures said nutcrackers mercilessly behind the couch.

    And our cat envelops himself in the tree skirt, too, don’t know why that’s so much fun.

    I am concerned about next year when we add the baby to the mix- our tree won’t stand a chance.

    Love the song, by the way, good stuff. πŸ™‚

  5. must be a Scot thing (but mine only has the one T). my husband turns into a 4 year old the minute it turns the last friday in november. and yeah, i bet next year you can use santa and his naughty list as a threat to not touch the tree. i know i’m not above that.

  6. I ran into this same thing except before I even set up the tree I did the following:

    New Ribbon $10
    New PLASTIC ball ornaments $15.00
    New plastic icicles $10
    New plastic snowflakes- $5.00

    $40.00 for a new toddler made over tree. Oh, and it looks so good that Martha would be proud.

  7. Thank you for posting this, I will try to learn from your mistake and wait until the last possible moment to put up the tree without feeling like a grinch!

    Oh, and you forgot about the lead coating on the lights – that deserves it’s own verse πŸ™‚

  8. This cracks me up! I’m planning on doing two Christmas trees next year, one messy one in the kids playroom (front “formal” living room, that is covered with the kids “crafty” ornaments, popcorn chains, etc, and one nicer one in the family room for the “adults”. Although this idea sounds brilliant in my head, how much do you want to bet that the kids will care less about the one in “their room” and trash the nice one in the family room?? Hmmm…

  9. I love this, I think you should make a short video of Kendall and the tree while singing this song. I see an instant Christmas classic in the making.

  10. Zach JUST started walking so I sensed his “curiosity” would be an issue, we put up a “safe-yard” gate around the tree, and put only wooden toddler proof ornaments on the lower levels.. so far, so good.

  11. I feel your pain. Our youngest is 18months and I am dreading the Christmas tree this year. I am putting it off as long as possible until the other 5kids break me down. Love the song πŸ™‚

  12. Stay tuned for my album to drop sometime next year ; )

    Love all the ideas! I think I might bust out some ribbon tonight and let him hang a few toy trucks. And Myndee, that is BEAUTIFUL! I wish I had the patience to set something like that up. I have a feeling, even if we put the baby jail around the tree, he’d be excited by the challenged of breaking into it.

    I think the tree is starting to lose it’s appeal, or maybe I’m just starting to not care. There are basically no ornaments left on the bottom half, and the tree skirt is a lost cause. Oh well.

    I did think about making some baked dough ornaments and letting him paint them, like my mom used to do with us. I’m just worried he’ll try to eat them. We’ll see how crafty I feel over the next few weeks.

    @Becoming-Mom, OMG, I can’t believe I forgot about Lead-gate ’08! The children! Think of the children!!

    Nikita, thanks for the compliments! And welcome πŸ™‚

  13. My older kids are dying. For 4 and 5 yo’s there’s magic in the xmas tree. For mom’s of 1 yo’s, it’s pure torture. I have not put it up yet, because of your aforementioned struggles. I can barely keep my head above water as it is. No need to add to the insanity. As for presents, I don’t put them out til HOURS before we’re gonna open them. WAY too much temptation for the critters.

  14. Now I can just imagine what putting up a Christmas Tree at home would be like for me with 2 young kids at home! I’ve done something else instead and have put that up on my blog to share!

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