My very own Cake Wreck

In my frenzy of planning for this fabulous birthday party, the idea to make Kendall’s cake has always been one I never gave a second thought to.  Yes, my cake making and decorating skills are beginner at best, but I found a lovely and simple design for the most adorable rocket ship cake here (lots and lots of great ideas there, by the way).  Seriously.  That does not look hard, right?  I even gave myself plenty of time to prepare by planning to first make a trial cake.  This was a multiple day process, people!  I took my time.  I froze the cakes, then cut the cakes, then froze the cakes, then iced the cakes with a “crumb coat”, then I froze them again.  I was a little unsure of myself when I started to add the final touches and put it all together tonight, but I thought surely it would turn out decent enough that I could make notes for the final cake and ace it the second time around.

This is what it was supposed to at least resemble.

What I am about to show you is proof positive that I should never be allowed near a can of frosting and red food coloring again.  

Did you know that red food coloring is a fucking joke?  It does not make the frosting red!  No.  It makes it a lovely shade of Barbie puked her brains out hot pink.  So, I think, maybe add more.  Nope.  Just makes it an even more vivid shade of the same putrid color.  This could not work. The rocket was to be blue and red.  But have no fear!  Red sparkles are here!  

Between the sparkles and the pink and the uneven frosting it really couldn’t get much worse.  That is until I brilliantly decided to cut out the picture of Kendall in the astronaut suit from his invite and place it under half an Easter Egg.  Are you laughing your ass off at me yet?  You should be!  I’m about to piss my pants.  OMG.  It’s tragic.  It’s terrible.  It’s hilarious!  Here’s a side view for you.

I do not think a few mental notes for next time are going to be enough to save this.  I’m pretty positive I will not be repeating this for his birthday.  A girl needs to know her limits, and while I may be able to whip up a crafty birthday banner and matching cupcake toppers, I sure as hell can NOT make and decorate a cake.  Of course, my eternally frugal husband just stood there, lying through his teeth, saying, “Jill, it’s FINE.  You did a GREAT job.  Why would you PAY someone to do what you already know you can do?”

I am calling a local bakery first thing in the morning.

Kendall is 11 months and 1 week old.