Got a case of the Mondays? Diaper rash getting you down? Well, turn that frown upside down. It’s time for the first of many Memos From Mommy!
The idea is simple. Every Monday I will post my own memo to Kendall, a short open letter of sorts, a simple passive aggressive reminder. Then I encourage you to do the same.
In the comments section below, leave your own MFM to your child/children. They can be funny or sweet, just keep them short-ish, and use this as a chance to really get it all out. Have fun with it!
Every Tuesday a comment will be chosen at random by the Random Number Generator and that commenter will win a sweet prize from the week’s MFM sponsor. That’s it!
Now, let’s do this thing…
This week’s Memos From Mommy is brought to you by Three Peas Co. In the world of baby clothes, unique and trendy outfits for boys are hard to find in the sea of All Star, dinosaurs and dump truck adorned rompers. Enter the urban chic apparel for boys at Three Peas Co. This adorable guitar onesie from their Spring/Summer 09 line is probably the coolest thing Kendall has ever rocked out in. And moms of little girls, don’t worry! They have AWESOME outfits and accessories for the little ladies, too, including fun and fluffy pettiskirts!
The winner of this week’s Memos From Mommy, drawn at random on Tuesday, will win a $25 credit for ThreePeasCo.com.
Without further ado…
Now it’s your turn. Post away!
Sarah is the winner! Here is her MFM.
To: Anna
From: MommyMemo: Because of the horrendous gastro-intestinal “prelude” to my labor with you, I am now beyond paranoid every time I have the runs that your sibling will be coming early. It is for this reason that I bought the wall primer today, not so that you could play percussion well beyond your bath time.
Additionally, although slightly disarming the first few times, your use of the phrase, “I NEED it!” with such appropriate inflection will not hurry any fetching, retrieving, or securing along. Sometimes my priority is driving safely over fishing Pablo off of the floor in the back of the car, and you are just going to have to accept that.
Self-sufficiency is the road to happiness. You can feel free to use that little pearl of wisdom when you misplace one of your binkies tonight at 2:37 a.m.. In fact, I encourage you.Love,
Mommy
41 comments
To: James
From: Mommy
Memo: Just wanted to drop a line and check on your legs. I notice that they frequently seem to break down on you at the store, the park, church, the gym. I just worry when you are crumpled on the ground screaming that perhaps your bones have in fact turned to jelly. I don’t want you to think I don’t care if your legs were in fact broken, but it can be so hard to tell when you are running and screaming one minute and down for the count the next.
I’m sure all of the customers, kids, parents, cashiers, pastors are also concerned when they see you lying there in such clear agony. And I just hate having to drag you along the dirty floor – lord, knows you could pick up the swine flu.
Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
Dearest Silas,
I’ve noticed that you seem to have a bit of an eating problem lately. Quite frankly, I’m worried that you may be anorexic. I slave away in the kitchen balancing your 7 month old brother, a pot, vegetables, and chicken, trying to concoct something that might, MIGHT, maybe, make you really crave it, you know? Then when I sit you down at the table and serve it to you on a brightly colored plate and your favorite spoon, you take one look at it, and CRY. I tell you take at least 2 big bites and then you can leave the table. These 2 bites are accompanied by several tears and you bang on the table with your tiny fists. They generally take at LEAST 30 minutes. You leave the table very proud of yourself for tricking me once again. You run around and push your loud toys around for a couple hours, and then you are angry and annoyed and I generally come to the conclusion that its because YOU’RE HUNGRY.
I could go on and on about this, but frankly, I’d like you to eat a bit more. Many children don’t have amazing food to eat like you do.
And your father might think he’s really great and heroic when he sneaks you bites of ice cream, but you must remember that he is the enemy, and I am your mother.
Thats all for now.
Love,
Mom
To: W
From: Mommy
Re: Sleeep issues
I understand that you had an ear infection last week, but the antibiotics and tylenol should have taken care of any and all pain issues by this point, which means you can get back to sleeping again. Mommy does not function well on less than three hours of sleep. I would appreciate if you would please take note of this issue and work to improve your performance.
To: Noah
From: Mommy
Memo: My RSVP for your 3:00am party.
I regretfully decline. Sorry that I am going to miss it, but at 9 months I think that we need to start sleeping through the night. Besides 3 am is past your curfew.
Love you,
Mommy
To: Baby M
From: Mommy
Memo: Hello Baby M! I hope you are doing well floating around in Mommy’s tummy. Thanks for not making Mommy sick for the past four months, I really do appreciate it.
Just another small favor regarding a certain doctor’s appointment Friday. When Aunt Kelly puts that cold ultrasound tool on Mommy’s tummy, please, for the love of all things good, SPREAD YOUR LEGS! Mommy and Daddy are very eager to know what gender you are, and if we cannot tell on Friday, I guarantee you will be grounded for no good reason at some point later in life to make up for it.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation. We love you!
To: Brock
From: Mommy
Memo: Dear sweet baby boy. I know you are one now, and yes I am excited too. Lets remember your 2nd birthday is still a year away, so lets leave the “terribles” until then as well.
I am so proud you can do so many things yourself, but remember mommy is here to help when you need some help. No need to screech like I am killing you making our neighbors worry what is happening in our house.
One more thing sweet son, no, diaper changes wont kill you.
Happy birthday and new found freedom Brock!
To: Baby M
From: Mommy
Memo: Hello Baby M! I hope you are doing well floating around in Mommy’s tummy. I really appreciate you not making me sick. Trust me, everyone is grateful that I haven’t been whining about it for the past four months!
Just another small favor regarding a certain doctor’s appointment Friday. When Aunt Kelly puts that cold ultrasound tool on Mommy’s tummy, please, for the love of all things good, SPREAD YOUR LEGS! Mommy and Daddy (and everyone else in the family!) are very eager to know what gender you are. If we cannot tell on Friday, I guarantee you will be grounded for no good reason at some point later in life to make up for it.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation. We love you!
To: G
From: Mommy
Memo: Praise and Request
A note to let you know how proud I am of you for your great patience while traveling this past weekend. Eight hours in the car is tough enough for a grown-up but you, at 9 months, handled it like a champ. In the future though, it would be greatly appreciated if you would refuse to eat snacks in the car rather than eat your weight in Cheerios, Vaggie Sticks, and Animal Crackers to only throw it all back up IN YOUR CARSEAT! I am glad your tummy is feeling better today.
Love you!
Mom
To: Allison
From: Mommy
Re: Pants are not your enemy
I just wanted to let you know that pants are not your enemy. I know you love being naked, but sometimes it’s just not appropriate to roam the world without pants on. It is really not necessary to scream bloody murder when mommy tries to put your pants on. I am quite impressed with how quick and squirmy you make your legs so that each attempt at putting them in the pant leg fails. I also think it’s quite genius that you shake your pants at the ceiling fan and then throw them towards said fan. It’s even amusing when I get you from your nap and you have de-pants yourself. However, sometimes we need to wear pants, and, they are not the enemy.
Love,
Mommy
To: Austin
From: Mommy
Re: Poop timing
Hi baby girl. Mommy loves you dearly and even adores the sound make when you fill your diaper. However, do you think you could possibly not blow it up as soon as I change you into a fresh KLO and cute minky Blueberry cover? For some reason I like coordinating your diapers with your outfits, and at this rate, we always end up with a cow cover and a pink and brown ensemble. It just doesn’t work. Plus you’re killing my level of patience for doing the laundry. K thanks!
To: Lizzy
From: Mommy
Memo: Hello from the outside! I know you are getting cramped in this belly of mine and I totally understand the need to stretch, but could you please not wait until I am in the middle of a cramp/mild contraction to do it? I know we still have 3 weeks left, but I can’t wait to meet you in person!
Love you lots!
To: J
From: Mommy
Re: Bedtime
I love you dearly, but I love “mommy time” too. When it is time for bed, I need you to go quietly and sleep. Mommy needs time to herself too.
Love,
Mommy
To: Hudson
From: Mommy
Re: Your Split-Personality Disorder
I know that you are 2 1/2 and that brings along a lot of new experiences for you and that in fact, you are indeed in the depths of what they call the terrible two’s, but in all honesty, I am starting to worry about you and your evil twin. I truly hope that this phase of kiss mommy and then whack her in the head is one that will fly by quickly as I am definitely NOT the most patient woman in the world and I might just decide to hold a grudge against you if you don’t stop going all Ike Turner on me. 😉 I know you want to be a big boy and be all Mr. Independent, *but* let mommy help you along the way and it will be a lot easier on the BOTH of us. M’kay?!?!
Love you to the moon and back!
~Mommy
to:Levi
From:Mama
Memo: new store hours.
After 10 long months, I’ve decided that beginning tonight, the mommy milking station is no longer a 24 hour all you can eat buffet. we are now only open between the hours of 7am and 10pm. no exceptions. got it? okay good. now tell your father, as he has decided that 24 hour buffets can conveniently keep you occupied when he is too tired to rock you back to sleep.
love always
mama
To: Bo
From: Mama
Re: Your new found skill
My sweet little 1 year old son, I know daddy has taught you that new fun game of high-five, but please remember mommy’s face is not her hand and she doesn’t like getting whomped on, and neither do your pets. I know you think it’s rather amusing, but please refrain from hitting until further notice (aka never).
Love you Always!
Mama
P.S. Crying like you just got your feelings hurt when you are told “No Hitting” will not invoke pity either. Sorry 🙁
To: Baby
From: Mommy
Memo: Potential eviction
I must say that it has been a fun and nearly uneventful 9 month partnership. But alas, this week you’ve decided to ram your limbs into my ribs and it’s proving to be quite uncomfortable for Mommy.
If you could please dislodge your legs, butt, etc, from my ribcage, I would greatly appreciate it. Otherwise I may have to give you an earlier eviction notice than scheduled.
Love,
Mommy
To: Hayden
From: Mommy
Memo: Bi-Polar Disorder
I know everyone has told us that the “terrible” 3’s are worse than 2’s, but lets work hard to prove them wrong as you get closer to 3. In order to do this, we will need to work on your bi-polar disorder…inaudible screams and carrying-on’s will no longer be allowed – only smiles and happy sounds! Let’s work hard to prove those nosey people wrong…okay?
As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be…
Love,
Mommy
Dear Macy,
I just wanted to clear a few things up. First of all, I just wanted to say that Mally is not starving. I swear I feed her. She does not need your food, so please stop throwing it on the floor for her. I cook for you, not for the dog. So could you please just eat it. You need to grow and the only way that’s going to happen is if you eat! Vegetables will not kill you I promise. So please just try to eat more. Thanks. Love, Mommy
To: Bubbie
From: Mommy
My dearest son. I love you to pieces but I would appreciate that when you are eating that you actually eat your food. We don’t have a dog to pick up the immense amounts of rice and peas that you swat onto the floor. Our cats just won’t do it. K? Thanks!
Love, Mommy
To: Joseph
From: Mommy
Re: Mobility
At your last well-baby appointment, the doctor told us we should not expect you to be crawling until about 8 months. Mommy and Daddy took this to mean that we could baby proof the house a little at a time over the next few months. This rolling-and-scooting method of transportation that you have acquired might as well be crawling and needs to stop. We were promised 4 months of peace and respectfully request we get it. Thank you, in advance, for your cooperation.
To: Cade 2yrs old
From: Mama
Dear Cade,
I love evening bathtime with you. We play with the squirt toys, the cups, containers, the foam letters, and don’t forget how much fun the drain can be.
It’s all fun times until you decide that pouring the water out of the tub is more fun than pouring it in the tub.
As great as you may think it is to pour the cup full of water on to my lap, or repeatidly dumping the big green cup over the sides causing a semi flood…..I’d appreciate it if we could splish and splash, dump and pour only in the tub.
Oh and one more thing- can you quit trying to get away from me when I’m trying to wash your hair.
Thank you baby!
Mama
Dear Jenna,
Thank you for going pee on the potty. I’m proud, I’m also planning on you keeping this up. Yes, I know that you’re young for potty training, but I don’t care.
Love,
Mama
Dear Stinks,
We both know I’m a better parent that Daddy, and that he rates a big fat FAIL in the soothing department, but can you please for the love of all things holy stop reminding us of that fact every night? The man’s gotta learn eventually, and your boob addiction isn’t helping.
Mommy would like a few hours, just a few, where one or the both of you doesn’t want anything from the boobs. What does Daddy want, you ask? He, umm, wants to use them as a pillow just like you do. Yeah, that’s it.
Love,
Mommy
[…] mommy blogger BabyRabies is hosting a weekly “Memos from Mommy” post. My contribution this week is as […]
Dear Angelica,
Yesterday I watched you play with the other “big kids” in the mall playground and was amazed. You’ll be a year old next month and you looked like a real little girl, which I know sounds silly. Of course you’re real. But I couldn’t help but think, that’s not my baby. I even said to Daddy, “That’s not my baby” because of course, you’re growing out of that baby stage and into being a full-fledged little girl. You ran around and held your own amongst a sea of other little boys and little girls. You made me proud. But forgive me if, when I look at you, I always see your little pink face sticking out of the blanket as I held you for the first time.
Love,
Mommy
(Also posted to my blog here (http://minuteformom.com/2009/04/27/a-memo-to-angelica-1/) – hope this brings you some more comments!)
Dear Mason,
This morning you decided to wake up early (you usually sleep 7:00am-7:00pm) 6:15 to be exact I had just jumped out of that bath because I heard you moving around looked at the video monitor and see you have learned how to stand up in the crib and you are about half way hanging out so I have to run up stairs naked and wet to grab you from falling out of the crib! Good Times…we know what your dad will be doing tonight!!!!
Dear Nathan-
Why is it that you save your best smiles, and cutest giggles for the dog? What has he ever done for you but chew your toys, and growl at you? I am the one who feeds you and changes your diapers. I think I deserve some love too.
Thanks,
Mommy
To: Anna
From: Mommy
Memo: Because of the horrendous gastro-intestinal “prelude” to my labor with you, I am now beyond paranoid every time I have the runs that your sibling will be coming early. It is for this reason that I bought the wall primer today, not so that you could play percussion well beyond your bath time.
Additionally, although slightly disarming the first few times, your use of the phrase, “I NEED it!” with such appropriate inflection will not hurry any fetching, retrieving, or securing along. Sometimes my priority is driving safely over fishing Pablo off of the floor in the back of the car, and you are just going to have to accept that.
Self-sufficiency is the road to happiness. You can feel free to use that little pearl of wisdom when you misplace one of your binkies tonight at 2:37 a.m.. In fact, I encourage you.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Emma,
Puffs are not a food group, mmkay?!
Love, Momma
To: Nate
From: The mom
RE: The car seat
My sweet, sweet boy. I know that you love me. I love you so, so much too. But, there are times that I do have to put you down. Like in the car. As much as I would love to sit in the backseat with you and hang out and play so you can look out the window and climb all over your seat, I do need to buckle you in.
I know you hate it and feel constrained. I understand. But you make your mama cry when you get so upset and you will see much less of me if I go to jail for not having you in your seat. I don’t want to have to pull a Britney.
Stripes are not my thing, little man.
love
mommy
To: Mason
From: Mommy
Re: Crawling
Mason,
You know how mommy puts you on your tummy every day? You know how you cry because you can’t reach your favorite toys? You know how rocking on your hands and knees for a month now is getting you nowhere? Try this: MOVE YOUR APPENDAGES.
xoxo
Mommy
Dear Caroline,
Why can’t you go to bed without crying every night, like tonight? Seriously. It’s so much nicer for all involved. At least consider it.
Thanks!
Mama
To: Caroline
From: Mommy
My dear, sweet Caroline,
Mommy loves spending everyday, all day with you. However, like with any job, mommy needs a day off. In order for mommy to get said day off you need to realize that drinking milk or formula from a bottle/sippy cup/straw/whatever will not kill you. If that is completely unacceptable to you, would you consider eating more than two bites of a non-Cheerio food?
Love,
Mommy
To: Sheridan
From: Mommy
Sheri- Please note: covering your face with your security blanket then kicking profusley to freak me out is NOT my idea of a fun game. Asphyxiation is not a source of entertainment. Daddy is also not amused.
To: Lila
From: Mommy
Dear Lila-
I know we had a rough start and all, and your dad and I couldn’t be prouder of all you’ve overcome. We would just like to ask you one small, teeny, tiny favor — please nap during the day. In your crib, preferably. Your catnaps lying on our chests just don’t seem to prevent the witching hour from approaching with a vengeance, so we’re going to need you to go ahead and give in to the Sleep. We promise, sleep is WONDERFUL, and not to be feared. And then mommy wouldn’t look forward to beer o’clock every day.
Thanks, honey, love you!
Mom
Dear Carter,
During the day you love showing Mommy how good you are at finding your pacifier and putting it in your mouth all by yourself. You also love sucking on your fingers. Do you think you might be able to employ one of these methods at night time so that Mommy or Daddy don’t have to stand over your crib holding your pacifier in place until you start to drift back to sleep? It would really be greatly appreciated.
Love,
Mommy
Dearest Eve,
Do you think it is possible to continue to ask me 10,000 times for the exact same thing when I already told you no. I don’t understand why you don’t get that I am not changing my mind.
Love,
Mom
Dear Daven & Paisley,
Oh how I count the ways I love you and would do anything for you… however at 11:00, 3:00 and again at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning mommy has this little loss of sleep and begins to forget what I am doing and why you must still wake me 2 and 3 years later. I would really appreciate 3 straight hours of sleep that do not require me to get out of bed, get a bottle and sing dragon tails in order for you to know how much I love you two beastie kiddos.Please take this as notice that by next year mommy is going to pull covers real tight over my head and pretend your whines are laughter.
xoxoxo,
Mommy
Dearest Shawn,
While one of my favorite parts of being a mommy is seeing your father be a daddy, I would appreciate it if you could show just a tiny amound of self control when he comes home from work. While the ecstatic squeals are fantastically adorable, I’m afraid he’s starting to suspect that I neglect you.
Love,
Your Very Attentive Mommy
AKA: Your on demand milk cow
Wow! Thank you to everyone for contributing to my first ever Memos From Mommy! I am LOL for real reading through these. I have some very funny readers. Okay, entries are closed. Off to draw a winner. If you’ve arrived too late and still want to post your own MFM, feel free! You just won’t be entered in the drawing.
Or you can save it for next week’s MFM!
To: Harper
From: Mama
I totally appreciate the fact that you are starting to try out new words. In fact, I really look forward to whenever you start speaking in something other than your own personal language of shreiks, grunts, and giggles. However, teasing me by ONLY saying Mama whenever I am not shoveling food into your mouth at the rate you deem appropriate is just unfair. I’m aware you do this because anytime you say that word I get super excited and drop whatever I’m doing to pay attention to you, but it does not mean it’s acceptable to toy with my emotions that way. So please throw a Mama in there some other time too, it will make me feel like you love me for something other than my excellent baby feeding abilities.