My kid beats me up. He bangs on my chest with his fists when he eats, he pinches me, scratches me, pulls my hair, my earrings, my nipple in his mouth as he rubbernecks to find whatever noise is distracting him. His favorite way of telling me he’s hungry is to grab both sides of my face, pinch my cheeks with his razor sharp fingernails (I really must learn an effective way of cutting those) and try to chomp down on my nose. I don’t know what he thinks this is going to accomplish. Well, if it’s that the attack on my head leads to me quickly flopping out a boob, then I guess he’s got me trained well.

I take it like a champ 99% of the time, although I tend to take the rubbernecking out on Scott since he’s almost always the cause of it. I don’t know how many times I need to tell him to please shut the fuck up when Kendall is nursing. We can resume normal conversation in approximately 7 minutes if he will just let him focus on me, my boob, eating. If Scott is in the room when Kendall is nursing, Scott merely has to clear his throat and Kendall begins winding his head around the room looking for him, all the while my nipple is still firmly clamped between those jaws and stretching out like some piece of taffy. Once he locates him, he smiles (but still manages to maintain a firm grip on my nipple, which is now hanging out of the side of his mouth) and then, like he just remembered what he was supposed to be doing, ravenously resumes eating.

As painful as that all may sound, it’s really not that bad now that I’m used to it. What I’m not used to is being BIT. Yeah… it happened. Kendall bit me for the first time this morning while nursing. After the “mother” side of my brain overrode the “get this predator off of you!” side of my brain and prevented me from throwing him across the room, I quickly unlocked his latch, looked at him with what I can only imagine to be a look of complete surprise mixed with a healthy dose of terror, and firmly said, “NO. NO BITING MOMMY. NO.” He looked contemplative for the briefest of moments then smiled and giggled at me. “No, no. No, no, no, no, no. This is NOT funny.” Another giggle. “Crap…”

The kid only has two bottom teeth so far, so no real damage was done… at least, there was no blood. But those top teeth are so very dangerously close to the surface! Once there is some counter pressure… ugh… what am I going to do?! I guess I just have to hope he doesn’t like the taste of blood mixed in with his milk. Or is this like when I first started breastfeeding and it hurt SO BAD and I was missing chunks of flesh from my nipple? Am I going to start building up callouses where he bites me? Will I just have to deal with the carnage for two months until all nerve endings in my nipples are completely shot?

Kendall will be 6 months old in 3 days.

6 thoughts on “Mom abuse”

  1. My son beats me up too. We were at the bank the other day and he just started hitting me on the chest while we were in line. The lady behind me was just staring. He’s 5 months 3 weeks.

  2. Haa Haa! I could have written that second paragraph about MY husband…it probably wouldn’t have been half as witty but it would have described what deal with exactly!! : )

  3. I think you need to tie a string around a sensitive part of hubby while you are feeding. One that you can yank every time he makes Kendall yank you. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Maybe you can try a crystal file for his nails? They’re not as rough as regular nail files, but they still do the job (I think better!). Plus, they’re not nearly as scary as nail clippers.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Those sleepy eyes ๐Ÿ˜ He was channeling his inner koala. @sandiegozoo
  • Is there anything sweeter than a baby who learns to wave hi and then greets every single person, car, dog, and tree with a smile? #wallaceaustin
  • These two are #brothergoals โค๏ธโค๏ธ Also? @kampgroundsofamerica jumping pillows are Playground #GOALS
  • Oh. Ok, handsome. ๐Ÿ˜
  • There are so many fresh faces here, and Iโ€™m thrilled! My 15 month old is currently napping ON ME so I thought Iโ€™d use this as an opportunity to introduce myself and share more about Baby Rabies to you newcomers. ๐Ÿค— ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿป Iโ€™m Jill Krause, mom of 4 (nearly 10 year old son Kendall, 7 year old daughter Leyna, 4.5 year old son Lowell- we call him LoLo a lot, and 15 month old son Wallace). Iโ€™m married to Scott, my college sweetheart- MIZZOU ๐Ÿฏ ๐Ÿ‘ถ

Baby Rabies is what happens when your baby fever is incurable. And thatโ€™s what happened to me 11 years ago when I bought BabyRabies.com and decided to blog anonymously about my secret and sudden obsession with conceiving my first baby. ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿคฑ The logo is a play on a positive pregnancy test, but we love and embrace all kinds of families and caregivers around here, no matter how they came together. ๐Ÿ’–

It is my greatest wish that this space is inclusive and supportive and uplifting, without feeling sanctimonious or void of humor. We donโ€™t take ourselves too seriously. We are always open to improving ourselves, but perfection is never the goal. ๐Ÿž

Iโ€™m currently traveling the country in an RV with my husband and 4 kids. We sold our dream house last year to find our dream life. We are documenting that at @happy.loud.life So if you see pictures pop up and wonder why we spend so much time in an RV or why our baby has, like, 4 outfits, or why we seem to go on a ton of vacations- thatโ€™s why. ๐Ÿ˜† โ“

Are you new here? Iโ€™d love if youโ€™d introduce yourself below! โœจ
  • I could hug whoever invented the puddle jumper floaties. Kids have no idea the torture we endured with blow up floatie wings back in the day. I can still smell the plastic and hear the awful noise they made when you had to take them off after you got wet.
  • Spring training for summer starts now. ๐ŸŒž
  • Pic unrelated, but it's a cute baby and the thing I want to tell you about is super relevant if you're into babies! Tonight is the countdown to make sure you name is in for the over $3000 in awesomeness that one lucky someone is going to get! Follow the link in our bio before midnight tonight to see what's up! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿปโค๏ธโฌ…๏ธ