My kid beats me up. He bangs on my chest with his fists when he eats, he pinches me, scratches me, pulls my hair, my earrings, my nipple in his mouth as he rubbernecks to find whatever noise is distracting him. His favorite way of telling me he’s hungry is to grab both sides of my face, pinch my cheeks with his razor sharp fingernails (I really must learn an effective way of cutting those) and try to chomp down on my nose. I don’t know what he thinks this is going to accomplish. Well, if it’s that the attack on my head leads to me quickly flopping out a boob, then I guess he’s got me trained well.

I take it like a champ 99% of the time, although I tend to take the rubbernecking out on Scott since he’s almost always the cause of it. I don’t know how many times I need to tell him to please shut the fuck up when Kendall is nursing. We can resume normal conversation in approximately 7 minutes if he will just let him focus on me, my boob, eating. If Scott is in the room when Kendall is nursing, Scott merely has to clear his throat and Kendall begins winding his head around the room looking for him, all the while my nipple is still firmly clamped between those jaws and stretching out like some piece of taffy. Once he locates him, he smiles (but still manages to maintain a firm grip on my nipple, which is now hanging out of the side of his mouth) and then, like he just remembered what he was supposed to be doing, ravenously resumes eating.

As painful as that all may sound, it’s really not that bad now that I’m used to it. What I’m not used to is being BIT. Yeah… it happened. Kendall bit me for the first time this morning while nursing. After the “mother” side of my brain overrode the “get this predator off of you!” side of my brain and prevented me from throwing him across the room, I quickly unlocked his latch, looked at him with what I can only imagine to be a look of complete surprise mixed with a healthy dose of terror, and firmly said, “NO. NO BITING MOMMY. NO.” He looked contemplative for the briefest of moments then smiled and giggled at me. “No, no. No, no, no, no, no. This is NOT funny.” Another giggle. “Crap…”

The kid only has two bottom teeth so far, so no real damage was done… at least, there was no blood. But those top teeth are so very dangerously close to the surface! Once there is some counter pressure… ugh… what am I going to do?! I guess I just have to hope he doesn’t like the taste of blood mixed in with his milk. Or is this like when I first started breastfeeding and it hurt SO BAD and I was missing chunks of flesh from my nipple? Am I going to start building up callouses where he bites me? Will I just have to deal with the carnage for two months until all nerve endings in my nipples are completely shot?

Kendall will be 6 months old in 3 days.

6 thoughts on “Mom abuse”

  1. My son beats me up too. We were at the bank the other day and he just started hitting me on the chest while we were in line. The lady behind me was just staring. He’s 5 months 3 weeks.

  2. Haa Haa! I could have written that second paragraph about MY husband…it probably wouldn’t have been half as witty but it would have described what deal with exactly!! : )

  3. I think you need to tie a string around a sensitive part of hubby while you are feeding. One that you can yank every time he makes Kendall yank you. 🙂

  4. Maybe you can try a crystal file for his nails? They’re not as rough as regular nail files, but they still do the job (I think better!). Plus, they’re not nearly as scary as nail clippers.

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