I’ve always loved him, but I’m really starting to like him.

Posted by on July 31, 2008 8 Comments

Okay folks. I am so excited to announce that I think we’ve come to the other side! The side where having a baby is more fun than work (okay, that might not be entirely true, but at least the work is getting to be a little more fun) and there are more rewards and less meltdowns. Yes, he still screams constantly in the car, and yes, I’m still a prisoner in my own home, but he smiles now and he coos and he baby talks to me, and yesterday he fell asleep with his arms around my neck, snuggled up to my chest, and it was the sweetest thing ever. I have always loved this little guy, no matter how much I complained, but now I’m really starting to like him too. Does that make sense?

It’s like he’s finally what I envisioned a baby to be. We finally know each other. I can tell what his cries mean, and most of the time I know how to make him stop (even if it’s not possible to stop the car that instant and take him out). I absolutely love when he wakes up in the morning and I free him from his baby straitjacket (aka- the Miracle Blanket). He immediately throws both his hands up in the air, stretches and proceeds to fart for a good minute or two. Then he gets a huge grin on his face and starts talking to me in a series of oohs, ahhs, whoas and I swear the last two mornings it’s sounded like he’s said, “mommommomom”!

He’s doing fun baby things now like staring at himself in the mirror, smiling and interacting with people and just two days ago he rolled over from his belly to his back. It’s a tad sad that he’s not a small newborn anymore. I packed away more clothes yesterday and had to just stop and stare in awe at the tiny things he once fit. I allowed myself to miss it for a moment and then I snapped out of it. Give me a 12 week old in 6 to 9 month clothes any day over a newborn that thinks day is night and won’t allow you to sleep for more than 1 1/2 hours at a time. No sir. It is going to be a while before I am ready for that again.

And it turns out you bitches really were right! Breastfeeding is… dare I say… almost enjoyable now! Actually, around the 8 week mark things started to get significantly less painful and I think somewhere around 10 weeks I stopped cringing every time he latched on. I am very happy I stuck with it, even if just for the mere convenience of being able to feed the little monster almost immediately upon his first sign of hunger instead of having to deal with bottles and formula. And at least I feel like my boobs were destroyed for a reason. Plus, breastfeeding gives me the perfect opportunity to groom my little man like a monkey. I spend the time picking stuff out of his ears, off his head (usually crumbs left over from eating while he is in my Moby wrap), and the crusties out of his eyes. I even go for the occasional booger or two. I am so one of those moms that will lick her finger and clean her kids face off now. The thought of that used to disgust me. Kendall seems to love breastfeeding too. Many times he will go from his hunger cry straight into an all out giddiness at the mere sight of my boob. I know he’s done when he starts to stretch his arms over his head and then beat me with his fists. It’s like he’s making sure he got everything there was. I’m sure this will become less cute as he gains strength, but for now it cracks me up.

Those first 6 weeks seemed like a slow spiral into hell at times, but we’ve been steadily digging ourselves out since then, and though I’m sure we have plenty more to overcome and we certainly still have our moments, at least we’ve come to somewhat of an understanding of each other. So to all you new/expecting moms, take solace in knowing that it really, truly DOES get better…just like everyone says it does. And I know that as the mother of a two week old perhaps the most UN-comforting thing to hear is, “Hang in there! It gets so much better. Just give it a few months!” Because for you, a few DAYS seems like an eternity and a few months is completely unfathomable. Just know that it’s okay to complain and feel like the whole new baby/motherhood thing can completely suck sometimes…that it’s not always a joyous/bonding/awe inspiring journey. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty, because I’m convinced it’s all part of the process. You can’t fully appreciate and enjoy the good things in life unless you’ve experienced the bad, and I believe motherhood is no exception. Just take things one day at a time, give yourself a break, and hopefully sometime in the not too far future your baby will reward you with a loveable coo and a cute smile like this one.

Please ignore my “not unpacked yet, yes, that is folded laundry that has not been put away on my couch” house. (And that’s a pretty good view of the Easter egg colored kitchen).

12 weeks 6 days old

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“Wizzlers, Jejush, Cocadots and Pupcakes”

Posted by on July 31, 2008 4 Comments

Just a few very cute and funny 4 year old mispronunciations (for Twizzlers, Jesus, Polkadots and Cupcakes) that we won’t be hearing around here on a daily basis anymore.  We went to St. Louis last week to give Hailey, our niece who has been living with us since January, her 4th birthday party and to return her to her mom. It was a drama filled week for sure, and without going into too much detail I will just say that we are hopeful and fairly confident that she is where she needs to be now.  She will be living with her mom and grandparents and be close to her cousins and other aunts and uncles.  She was greatly missed by them all, and she herself was elated to return.  She was especially overjoyed to be reunited with her mother.  It was a bittersweet farewell on our part.  We love her so much and will definitely miss her, but at the same time, it’s nice to be able to just be “new parents” to Kendall without having to figure out how to raise a preschooler at the same time.    I feel like we can finally focus on each other again and enjoy this time together without all the stress.  We’re glad we could help for the 7 months that we did, and we will always be there for Hailey in the future.  We’re also happy to see her happy and back where she wants to be.

So with that, I will just share a few funny moments that have come from taking on a preschooler while pregnant/ a new mom.

Hailey: “Aunt Jill….how are you going to GET that baby out of your stomach?”
Me: “Well….I’m going to push him out.”
Five minutes later I feel two small hands pressing on my lower back.
Me: “What are you doing?”
Hailey: “I’m helping you push him out!”

At around 8 months pregnant Hailey finds my Bradley Method book.  She is fascinated by the baby book.  I don’t think much of it because it is keeping her quiet and I am able to do the dishes in peace.  I see she has found the pages that have actual pictures of birth… like with heads crowning and all.  Oops!  I don’t want to rip the book out of her hands and make her feel bad.  It’s totally natural afterall, right?  I go sit next to her and she looks up with the most confused face.  “What are they DOING?”  “They are having a baby.”  “But that baby is coming out of her…her….her butt!  Is your baby going to come out of your butt?”  “Uhhmmm… yeah… kind of.”  Pause….pause…pause…. “Eww!  Gross.”  She closes the book and begins playing with her Barbie.

The first time she helped change his diaper Kendall gave her a water show and peed all over the place.  She ran around the apartment shrieking, “He’s PEEING!!!  He’s PEEING!!  Aunt Jill, that baby just peed all over the place!”  She then reassured me, “Aunt Jill, I’m a big girl.  That’s why I don’t pee on the walls like Kendall”.

And Hailey was always my little helper.  God knows she shook his carseat plenty of times when he would start screaming.  She even knew which pacifier he liked best and informed me of this.  She told me he like the Nuk when he was just a little upset and the Soothie when he was really upset.  She was absolutely right.  She fetched me wipes and diapers and diaper cream.  She kept a watchful eye on Kendall if I had to step away for a minute (not that I would leave him in a dangerous situation.  I was never counting on her to catch him from falling off a counter top, for example).  And she loved to feed her babies alongside me.   Every time she saw me sit down to feed Kendall she would grab whatever breastfeeding pillow I wasn’t using, pull up her shirt and “feed” her doll.  This absolutely appalled her uncle when he came for a visit and we had to talk about being “discreet”. She was a riot a lot of the time and we will surely miss her comic relief around here.  I think Scott is going to miss “going to the ball” with her too.

12 weeks 6 days

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All in the name of sleep…

Posted by on July 29, 2008 5 Comments

The things you will do as a parent for just a few brief moments of peace (even though ”peace” may come with the hum of an appliance in the background) and some SLEEP are so ridiculous and comical all at the same time, as proven by my last post. During our recent trip to visit Scott’s family I had the chance to chat it up with some other new(ish) moms and LOVED hearing all about the things they did to just catch up on a little sleep when their kids were Kendall’s age.  It all made me feel just a little more normal… just a little less like a bad mom.

See, the thing is that before you get pregnant or have the baby, you may think things like, “Really.  How freaking hard is it to put the kid in their damn crib to sleep.  Why the hell would anyone want to co-sleep?  Who cares if they cry a little bit.  They’ll fall asleep eventually.  And how hard is it to get a baby to sleep?  I mean, isn’t that like ALL they do?  Gah.  I will never have those problems when I am a parent.”  Ahh…. I am laughing as I type that because I’m pretty sure those were my exact thoughts a year ago.

The truth is, you will do ANYTHING to get your kid to stop crying and go to sleep (like listen to CDs of appliance noises), and NO, it is not that easy to just “tune out” a crying baby, at least not as a mom and not with a newborn.  I’m fairly certain that if women were able to just “tune out” their screaming infants, the human race would die off.  It is a noise that not only gets under your skin, but it jabs away at you, poking and prodding every inch of  you.  Your baby’s cries are an all five sensory experience, and not in a day at the spa, listening to the sound of water running through Bamboo reeds kind of way.

Something the pre-mommy me said I would never do was co-sleep, but I admit that once Kendall wakes up for his early morning nursing session (usually around 5 to 7) I just go ahead and lay him in bed to eat.  It is so nice to spend the rest of the morning in bed with him, only waking to switch sides and pop the opposite boob in his mouth when he gets fussy.  I’m able to nurse him back to sleep and we both manage to doze until at least 9 in the morning.  I know I’ll have to break the habit soon, but I’m going to enjoy this while it lasts because from what I hear, it’s next to impossible to keep a toddler in bed until 9.

In the last three months I have become a super stealth ninja of sorts.  I can enter and exit a room quieter than a gnat’s fart.  I vividly recall rolling out of bed and crawling on my hands and knees in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom when Kendall was about 3 weeks old.  I had just got him to go to sleep and didn’t want to even disturb him with my shadow.  I know better than to close the door to the bathroom all the way.  I make sure it’s merely shut, without latching, so as not to wake him with the click of the knob.  I hide under two blankets and shove a pillow over my face when I have to sneeze or cough.  I move slowly and steadily each time I have to change position in bed.

My husband, on the other hand, is about as quiet as a freaking tap dancing gorilla.  He says he’s trying to be quiet.  “Okay honey.  Then while you are trying to be quiet, could you also try not to turn the lights on when you enter the room?”  I don’t know how many times I have come close to murdering him when he has come into the room with such force that the door hits the wall and reaches for the light switch, only to quickly switch it back off when he sees my death glare.  “Oops.  Sorry.”  He better thank God we don’t sleep in the kitchen next to the knife block.

I have to say that we are both guilty though of the “Oh my God.  You’re too freaking quiet.  Have you died?  Let me put my hand on your face to find out” mistake.  It’s just that sometimes Kendall can go from screaming like his limbs are being torn from his torso to a serene silence so quickly that we can’t help but wonder if he’s dead.  So what do we do?   We shove our hands over his nose and mouth to make sure he’s breathing….. and then he wakes up and it starts all over again.

12 weeks 4 days old

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Sleep Through the Static

Posted by on July 29, 2008 7 Comments

An appropriate title for the newest addition to my CD collection (Jack Johnson’s latest).  I picked it up a couple months ago when my sister and I made the road trip to house hunt.  But, instead of spending the drive jamming out to our new tunes, we spent most of the trip listening to static on the radio as loud as we could stand it.  Why?  Because it made Kendall shut up and fall asleep.  Ever since then, I’ve spent countless hours listening to static, vacuums and hair dryers in an effort to drown out and eventually stop the relentless screaming.  People say, “how can you STAND to listen to that noise?”.   I tell them, “because it drives me a little less crazy than listening to my kid’s non-stop wailing…. just a little…. and I’ll take that little bit of sanity right now.”

We discovered Kendall’s love for the monotonous hum of a hair dryer on the house hunting trip when he was a little over 4 weeks old.  My sister was soothing Kendall one morning as I was blow drying my hair.  As soon as I turned the dryer off, he began his level 10 scream, so Kelly quickly yelled at me to turn it back on.  I did…. and it worked!  He stopped!  The next day, after a too early in the morning to get up feeding, we tried it again, and it lulled him back to sleep.  We left the dryer hanging from the bathroom wall and all dozed off.  My sister jumped out of bed 30 minutes later terrified that we were about to blow the place up.  Luckily Kendall had finally drifted deep enough to not notice and we all managed to get a bit more sleep that morning.

Since that joyous discovery, we have used the hair dryer and the vacuum more than once (those dust buster types are great…. so portable!), but the problem is you can’t leave them on for too long, and many times when I think Kendall is down for good and it’s safe to turn them off (and I’m starting to wonder if I smell smoke) he wakes with a fiery pissed-off-ness the moment I shut it off.  So we tried static on the radio.  It worked okay.  It was our only option while in the car.  But that radio just ain’t like it used to be.  We couldn’t drive more than 5 miles without picking up something on our obscure static channel we searched so hard for.  The drive from VA to TX was filled with a lot of channel surfing… and NOT for a good top 40 station.

Now, people have suggested that I get a white noise machine, and I do have one for him that has been referred to by many moms as “baby crack” which plays the noises  of a heartbeat, rainstorm, ocean waves, and lullabies, but it’s not Kendall’s thing.  My kid has a thing for appliances.

I finally had a revelation a couple weeks ago after pondering how to record the sound of our vacuum to play off our radio in an effort to avoid an electrical fire.  The solution was so simple that I felt stupid for not thinking of it sooner.  I ran to the computer, pulled up Itunes and searched for vacuum sounds.  What do you fucking know?!  There is a WHOLE CD of appliance noises dedicated to helping babies sleep!  For $1.98 I downloaded the noise of a vacuum and the noise of a hair dryer (about 5 minutes each).  I burned three CDs – one for each car and one for the house.

So on our 10 hour drive to St. Louis last weekend I made sure to bring the new CD.  We listened to that damn thing probably 7 out of the ten hours, and the majority of the way back home.  I may have the blaring hum of the hair dryer stuck in my head for the next 10 years, but it was better than flipping back and forth between radio stations trying to avoid random tidbits of Polka and Tejano that would come through.  Now, I wish I could tell you that this was the magic potion that stopped him from crying every time, but I could not be so lucky.  We still had to jiggle his carseat to get him to settle down, and only when we could get him nice and sleepy did the noises work, but it was worth it for that small little bit of sanity we could reclaim.

12 weeks 3 days old

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