Oh Dear God! My eyes!

O….M….G…!! Do not, DO NOT stand in front of a three way mirror in your underwear when you are 34 weeks. Holy hell. I’m a fucking cow. Not only am I huge, but the amount of cellulite on my ass is appalling. How long has it looked like this?! I have not exposed myself to […]

Damn those tiny little drug dealers!

If you tell me you are going to be on a corner until noon, please don’t pack up shop and skip town at 11 while I’m out getting cash for my fix! Why must Girl Crack cookies be so elusive? I ordered 6 boxes from a coworker’s friend’s daughter back in January. Do you know […]

What the hell was that?

Strangest sensation ever.  As I feel the baby kick the crap out of my rib cage, I simultaneously feel something down low that I can only imagine is his tiny little fingers…uh…tickling?…drawing on?…my uterus.  WTF?!  It was creepy.  I think maybe he is getting artsy and doing a little graffiti up in there.  Perhaps leaving […]

“I don’t have breasts!”

Since I’m up and rarely have the time or energy to blog, I thought I’d take a few precious minutes to blog a funny niece story. Since she’s moved in with us we’ve gone to great lengths to make her feel involved in this baby process. She is beyond excited to be the big “cousin […]