Oh Dear God! My eyes!

Posted by on March 21, 2008 6 Comments

O….M….G…!! Do not, DO NOT stand in front of a three way mirror in your underwear when you are 34 weeks. Holy hell. I’m a fucking cow. Not only am I huge, but the amount of cellulite on my ass is appalling. How long has it looked like this?! I have not exposed myself to such a view since probably the very early 1st trimester. How could I let myself get like this?? I have to admit. I’ve let myself go these last few weeks. The Girl Scout cookies, the ice cream, no trips to the gym. Ugh. I asked for it. In the last two weeks I’ve gone from the “cute” pregnant girl with just a bump to a full blown house, complete with chubby cheeks, flabby arms and jiggly thighs.

Granted, I’ve always known the lighting in Target’s changing rooms is frightening, but I think it was the wakeup call I’ve needed. I have got to stop this train! My innocent trip to try on nursing bras and other postpartum necessities has left me suddenly very aware of how my thighs are now rubbing together and the roll of fat that has appeared under my increasingly tighter bra strap.

I KNOW I’m supposed to be big, okay. I’m not saying I’m going to starve myself and the baby for the next 6 weeks, but I can’t keep this mentality that I can eat whatever I want and that it will all magically melt off with the help of breastfeeding when he comes out. No. My husband keeps reassuring me that I can work it off and hit the gym, but I’m not believing in some fairytale that allows me to find time for the gym with a newborn and a three year old to take care of. Hell, it was hard enough to get there when all I had to worry about was me.

A couple weeks ago I was feeling pretty confident in my pregnant body. I had maternity photos taken and felt really good. I need to get that feeling back. I need to get this cottage cheese off of my ass.

34 weeks 3 days

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Damn those tiny little drug dealers!

Posted by on March 17, 2008 4 Comments

If you tell me you are going to be on a corner until noon, please don’t pack up shop and skip town at 11 while I’m out getting cash for my fix! Why must Girl Crack cookies be so elusive? I ordered 6 boxes from a coworker’s friend’s daughter back in January. Do you know how long I’ve been looking forward to getting my hands on those? I still have not received my order and I’m no longer up for being patient. Three times now I’ve spotted Girl Scouts selling them at various locations, but I never have any damn cash on me!!! I must remember to spend the entire months of Feb. and March next year with a secret stash of cash on me. All three times, the little crack dealers were gone by the time I got back with cash…GRRRRR. I finally got my hands on some yesterday, but they only had one box of Samoas left. I think the Leader is a little scared of me now. I grilled them about when they would be back, how long they would be there, and how many boxes of Samoas they will have at that time. I am anxiously awaiting next Saturday.

36 weeks…oops!  Wait….only 34 weeks :)

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What the hell was that?

Posted by on March 14, 2008 3 Comments

Strangest sensation ever.  As I feel the baby kick the crap out of my rib cage, I simultaneously feel something down low that I can only imagine is his tiny little fingers…uh…tickling?…drawing on?…my uterus.  WTF?!  It was creepy.  I think maybe he is getting artsy and doing a little graffiti up in there.  Perhaps leaving some baby hieroglyphics for any future siblings, “To all who come after me…when she starts to snore aim for the lungs”.  Or maybe just tagging me, “Baby #1 was here.  August 07 to ???”

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“I don’t have breasts!”

Posted by on March 13, 2008 1 Comment

Since I’m up and rarely have the time or energy to blog, I thought I’d take a few precious minutes to blog a funny niece story. Since she’s moved in with us we’ve gone to great lengths to make her feel involved in this baby process. She is beyond excited to be the big “cousin sister” and can’t wait to help out with everything. I got her a book from the writers of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. It’s a children’s book called What to Expect When the New Baby Comes Home. It’s probably her favorite book and I can’t count how many times we’ve read it. A section of the book talks about how some babies drink from bottles and some babies drink milk from breasts (and yes, we call them breasts…I’m not about to have her tell someone I’m “boobie feeding” the baby). We’ve even talked about how bottles and breasts have nipples. She’s quite educated on the process.

Flash forward to a few nights ago… our childbirth class instructor let us borrow a breastfeeding DVD. We popped it in while Hailey happened to be in the room. She sat down and watched it with us. She was quiet at first, seemed intrigued, then she piped up, “that’s a breast!” We applauded her correct identification. Then she paused and thought for a moment and said…”I don’t have breasts” to which my husband awkwardly said, “Well..no…you don’t…uh…not yet,” and she proudly responded, “but I have nipples!” Okay, that was pretty funny, but not even the best part of this story.

We had to return the DVD that night and on the car ride over there she kept saying, quite adamantly, “YOU can’t feed your baby like that….YOU can’t breastfeed.” I told her that I indeed could and really hope to do so for at least a little while. The more I responded to her this way, the angrier she got until she damn near threw a temper tantrum over it. I could not understand what her problem was. She had no problem talking about breastfeeding before. Finally my husband turned around and point blank asked what her problem was with me breastfeeding. Her response – “That will make ME and baby VERY unhappy….I don’t have BREASTS!” Hahahahahahahahaha!! That cracked me up.

33 weeks 3 days

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