Soooooo….um…did you know you’re not supposed to eat more than 15 Tums in one day?  Well, I didn’t because I’m a moron who doesn’t read the back labels of things she buys in the PHARMACY section.  I seriously ate about 50 Tums last night before they started making me sick (not like vomiting sick, but like eating 4 bags of M&Ms in 10 minutes sick).  I called my husband…you know, the one who works for the Food and DRUG Administration…and told him how delighted I was with my new found love for Tums and then I told him I had eaten at least a third of the brand new bottle in one sitting.  He thought I was joking….I was not.

His reaction once he realized I was very serious went from laughing at me, to bewilderment, to slightly freaking out.  I started to feel pretty bad.  I mean, I’d heard many people say in the past that they ate Tums like candy, so I didn’t think much of my little binge, but his reaction had me a little scared.  I had him google “death by Tums”, but we didn’t find any long lost newspaper articles of people dying painful deaths from eating too many multicolored tablets.  He still convinced me to call poison control at 2 in the morning.  My conversation sounded like this:

“Poison Control.  This is registered nurse Kathy.”

“Hi Kathy, ummm…I think I may have overdosed on…(giggle)…Tums??  I mean, I doubt it’s a big deal, it’s just I’m pregnant, and I was having really bad morning sickness and they really helped, and it was the first time I’ve EVER had Tums.  I thought I could just eat as many as I needed to make me feel better, but then I read that I’m not supposed to exceed 15 in one day….and well, ummm….(giggle)…I think I had, like, I don’t know… (staring at bottle)… I guess 50?”

(a stifled snicker from the other end of the line)

“You’ll be fine, hon.  You may be a little constipated, but it’s not going to hurt you or the baby.  Now, don’t go eating that many every day.  Then you will upset the balance of calcium in your system.  But if you just did it tonight, then I wouldn’t worry about it.”

So, I rested easy knowing I hadn’t just sealed my kiddo in a calcium shell for the rest of the pregnancy, but I woke up with one upset stomach….and I was NOT reaching for the Tums this time.  I think I’m right back to being disgusted by them.

7 thoughts on “The love affair is over”

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp*HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA

    You’re too funny! I can totally hear that phone conversation in my head.

    No love for the sea bands? they worked wonders for me.

  2. Oh, and I totally forgot: Trader Joe’s Chocolate Covered Ginger. Best Thing Ever!!!!!!

    And try acupuncture, too, if it keeps being real bad.

  3. I don’t know if you want to try this. But my mom and I suffer from heart burn a lot. This may not sound very tasteful but If you chew a piece of raw potato. I’ve only done it once and it really does work. My sister in law was pregnant and had really bad heart burn so she tried it. It worked. Only thing is, it really doesn’t taste good, at least not to me. But go ahead if you want to try it 😉

    PS. I love your blog. You’re too funny.

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