Talking dirty has taken on a whole new meaning.

“Hey hon…be ready for sex when you get home.  I have lots of stretchy cervical mucus and my cervix is really soft and high.  I think I’m going to ovulate today!”  I don’t think I’ve ever uttered something so unromantic in my life, but it was 7 in the morning and I wasn’t thinking of romance.  We have a job to do.  I was thinking of accomplishing our mission!

So we’ve become slaves to the rhythms of my bodily fluids.  My husband has started to give me this look like, Egg white cervical mucus AGAIN!  Man, how many days are you going to be fertile?!  Just hurry up and ovulate already…I’m tired!

Believe me, I’m tired too! I had no idea baby making could be such a chore.  And yes, I know it doesn’t HAVE to be, but I’m a spaz and fiend for immediate gratification, so thinking that we could just have fun and let things happen is a joke.  I know what would happen if we stopped the charting and timing and just “had fun.”  We would most likely come up short at the end of the month, and then I would be pissed at myself for being lazy.  I would be mad that I didn’t just put forth a little effort.

And to make matters worse, Michelle Duggar just popped out her 17th snotbucket in 19 years!  Hell, I think all Jim Bob has to do to impregnate her at this point is sneeze in her general direction.  You can’t tell me they have time to have sex every day she has egg white cervical mucus.  Well, then again….those older kids seem to be doing a lot of the raising of the little ones, so maybe they have a secret baby making chamber in that huge new house of theirs.

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  1. Trust me – I was the same way, even if I didn’t say the magical sexy words of “eggwhite cervical mucus.” I generally just told him, “uh, BTW, be prepared because we’re having sex now. As in now, before work. And then again, tonight. And probably tomorrow.” He originally thought this was fun, and exciting, and loads of sex for him.

    And then he wanted to sleep, and couldn’t, because dammit, I was fertile.

    So goes the way of the world. And as for the Duggars? Yea, there’s some definite sneezing going on there, because I have no idea how on earth she has energy for something like sex with 16 OTHER children. God knows I wouldn’t!

  2. You know, you can chart and do all of that without telling him or without discussing things in medical terms. You can actually just call him and talk dirty – the real kind of dirty – and be waiting for him when he gets home in a sexy little number. You don’t have to live like a sitcom. 😉

  3. Jill- totally get this. Same personality type! Extensive research and analysis, hitting targets and ticking boxes, and (aiming for) instant gratification!!

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