Let’s talk judgement

Okay ladies and gents (are there any gents out there reading this?), we all know the world of parenthood is ripe with judgement. You can smell it’s thick vapors permeating off of mommy and me groups, and you can feel it’s heat and intensity in the sharp, unapproving glares from people in line at the grocery store when the kid in front of them was just force fed a Snickers to make them shut the hell up. I’m not gonna lie, I’m guilty of judging parents, which I realize is the most ridiculous thing ever since I can not even begin to put myself in their shoes, but I do it nonetheless.

I find myself constantly saying to my husband, “I will NEVER…We will ALWAYS…yada yada,” but how do I know? I mean, clearly, there are some things that I can safely say we will always or never do. I’m 99.9992% positive we will always insist our child not refer to us as mother fucker and his bitch, and we will never sacrifice our baby to visiting aliens for a ride on their super cool space mobile (although that will be hard to resist). However, things like pacifiers past 6 months, and crying it out, and even spanking…yes, I have my opinions on them, but what is that opinion even based on? The rational part of me wants to open my mind and remember that all parents, children and situations are different, and that I shouldn’t judge, but then the other part of me – the your screaming kid is annoying the piss out of me part – wants to know why those parents just don’t have the good sense to get up and leave the GD movie theater with the 9 month old they should have never brought in the first place.

I really don’t want to be one of those parents that judges others and then holds themselves to such a high standard because of it. I want to be okay with not being the perfect mom, and I want to be okay with others not being perfect either. I think I’m going to perform a little experiment. I’m going to blog about all these things I judge other parents for prior to becoming a parent myself. I want you to chime in if you have an opinion or a point of view you think I should consider. Then, once I finally do have a little ankle-bitter, I’m going to come back and re-evaluate these judgements. I think it will be interesting to see if and how much my views will change. Also, if you already are a parent, I want to know how your point of views changed.

Judgement #1 – I hate wheely heel shoes. I can never imagine being okay with my my child essentially rollerskating around the grocery store, mall, and other places where adults are trying to get shit done without having to dodge out of control children.

(I was inspired to think about my “judgements” after reading I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids.)

  • FtPolkWife - AMEN! I hate, hate, hate those stupid wheel shoes! You wanna know the worst part? My husband wants a pair…. for himself! Why did I think I needed a baby? I already have one!ReplyCancel

  • Callie - I hate the shoes too. I think they are fine for kids to use at home (although why would a parent want that?) but out in public… they are dangerous! I wish parents would stop letting their kids wear them out in malls and grocery stores.ReplyCancel

  • Michele - My husband is a pediatrician and winces everytime we see kids with the wheely shoes and feels the need to give the parents a PSA on the dangers. I sit there and quietly agree. :)ReplyCancel

  • Babyrabies - Well, thanks for chiming in girls! I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my complete disgust for these things. Interesting point about the pediatrician point of view….it surely can’t be healthy to spend your days on wheels or on your tip toes.ReplyCancel

  • Chrysallys - No, you are right. Those Wheelies are the devil. It makes me want to trip the kid and that’s not very nice is it? ;)ReplyCancel

  • Sabrina - Okay, I said NO to heelys for an entire year but for my son’s 6 birthday I sucked it up and bought them for him. Why? Because he is a well mannered, polite child and honestly I ran out of reason’s to say no. BUT they come with rules. No heeling in the parking lot of stores, no heelying when there are people around and if you slip and fall pull them off quick so I can sue the store! Okay just kidding about the last one but he does it inside the house and when the aisle is empty, I will say go and he will do it then. I feel like I have been so anal about so many things in his life that I am starting to try to loosen up.ReplyCancel

  • Tiffany - I absolutely hate them, too (although, maybe, it’s because I secretly want a pair for myself), but I can see how they would be OK in certain situations. If your kid is wheeling around the neighborhood with other kids on skateboards, bikes, or scooters (does anyone use scooters anymore?), I think the wheelie shoes are fine.

    In the lobby of a hotel – not so much. At Target between the aisles – not so much. In the Post Office parking lot- not so much. At the movie theater – not so much. These are all places where children have put their lives in danger by wearing those shoes around me.

    When used as a toy in situations where toys are appropriate, they work. When used as basic footwear, they don’t.ReplyCancel

  • Molly - As a mom of a one-year-old…gosh I know exactly about the “we will never…and, we will always” and how EVERYTHING changes! I said I would never let my child go to bed with a bottle (don’t slam me yet…I know it’s not good for their teeth) BUT when a) your tired as hell and b) your kid seems to be MORE awake AFTER the bottle you’ve given him in your lap you resort to any method of getting them asleep the fastest!
    On to the the “paci’s”…I HATE them in a 2 year old or any child above that age – at that point it IS the parent’s fault the child still uses it!!! As of now, 18 months is my deadline to have the dreaded NUK out of our house! We’ll see how our little man wines and dines us though!
    A 9 month old in a movie theatre…oh no!! I must say there are certain points in parenthood where you say “fuck it” so you can get out of the house!! Only a handful of times, daddy and I have been guilty of being their with an infant in tow, but we used the method of “bottle/boob induced coma” to keep our guy sleepy-sleepy during the movie!
    Lastly, I must address the flippin’ wheely shoes!! First of all, I think I turn into an 80-year-old women any time a kid goes FLYING by me on them – scares the shit right out of me! I could care less if someone lets their kid get a pair, but geez have some control of the kid when he’s flying around the grocery store practically running people over! My other half does want a pair for his own also…it’s like having 2 kids in this house!ReplyCancel

  • tiffany - Ditto to everything above.

    I confess to having an irrational fear of my mother’s judgment on my possible future parenting. I just know the interrogation (cleverly disguised as happiness at my impending motherhood) will start before we’ve even finished the pregnancy announcement. Will we breastfeed? Will we co-sleep? Will we “hospital” or “midwife”? Will we stomach-sleep or back-sleep? Will we playpen? Will we sling? She may be the grandmother, but dangit, I WILL be the mommy.

    (And then I see my friends giving their nine-month-old sips of Dr Pepper and I inwardly come unglued.)ReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Mother of 2 kids who will NEVER EVER EVER strap a pair of heelies on. Ugh, those are so annoying. One of my biggest child pet peeves. The only thing I find more offensive is letting your child practice their cheer routines anywhere and everywhere they go. I can’t stand seeing kids bopping and squirming around clapping their hands and singing/ talking to themselves.
    Why do parents let their kids live in their own little world with no regard to or interaction with the people around them?
    People even send their kids to church with heelies on! Teaching Sunday school is so hard when the kids have the attention span of a goldfish and won’t stop skating around the room while you’re trying to teach.ReplyCancel

  • Babyrabies - Kerri, I am LOL at the cheerleading routines comment! I was a cheerleader from the 4th grade, and I’m pretty sure my parent stopped me from practicing in random public places more than once : )ReplyCancel

  • Jules - I’m in total agreement on the wheelie shoes. Entirely too dangerous & kids just get out of control. It gives them the idea that anytime is playtime!ReplyCancel

  • Tricia - I’m reading your old posts in 2013 and I had to laugh thinking about the post the other day about Kendall’s shirt on the first day of kindergarten. Me and my husband say the same thing about licensed characters but when they’re five, if he wants to wear it, I guess that’s what he’ll wear.
    In regards to the pacifier, my son is 17 months old and still uses one at night for sure, and sometimes during the day. I never thought we’d use one in general, then thought we’d take it away at 6 months, then 12 months, and now I really don’t care. I’m not a fan of pacifers in the mouths of toddlers but really, teething is hell. No one (family or stranger) has said anything yet surprisingly and lucky for them cause I might unlease some fury on them. I’m a laidback kind of gal but really, is my toddler’s pacifer offending you or affecting your life? (Not you, but rhetorically) :D Who knows when we’ll throw them out but it definitely won’t be when a stranger tells me I should!ReplyCancel

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